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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

985 replies

Mummylin · 06/04/2020 11:59

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

OP posts:
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mrssunshinexxx · 14/05/2020 14:53

@46566fhvshdhh sorry that you have had to join this thread.
We were all local too also went to the chapel of rest we were only allowed 5 at our crematorium but they kindly allowed 6 at the last minute. Find out how many numbers you will be allowed and you can travel for this regardless of the rules, I would

lairyhegs · 14/05/2020 20:16

Dad's funeral was beautiful. I had to collect his ashes today. It's all so surreal. I know he's gone (I was there), I've got death certificates, had a funeral, got his ashes, his clothes are in suitcases in my bedroom, the funeral flowers are everywhere, but it's like my brain refuses to process it. I keep thinking 'Ooh, I'll take some of this up to Dad' or 'I'll give Dad a ring in a bit'. It's just relentless. Every morning, I wake up and remember, that yes, it is really happening. I get up, I get dressed, I try to make it through the hours without crying my heart out, but I STILL think I'm going to go and visit him when restrictions ease. It's like a slow horrible torture, because when the rest of this world starts again, mine won't. Please tell me it gets even little bit easier.

mrssunshinexxx · 14/05/2020 22:35

@lairyhegs I wish I could tell you it gets easier but I'm feeling the exact same each day seems to be getting worse not better

Mondayblues33 · 15/05/2020 03:49

Popping into the thread as I lost my Dad yesterday. Although I knew this moment was coming and feel as though I’ve had time to prepare, I didn’t realise it would be this painful. Yesterday I was somewhat relieved it had finally happened after months of anxiety and wondering and pain for him, but today I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. I can’t believe this moment is now real. I did not know it would hurt this much, I’ve never felt anything like this :-( thank you for listening/reading xxx

mrssunshinexxx · 15/05/2020 08:03

@Mondayblues33 handhold x i too have never felt pain like this I miss my mum so much already it's only been 3 weeks and my body physically aches for her can't imagine how my poor dad feels

46566fhvshdhh · 15/05/2020 10:29

I

RoseForRembrance · 18/05/2020 10:20

How is everyone doing?

hiddenbottles · 19/05/2020 03:40

My dad's funeral was today. I don't even know what I'm after posting on here, maybe just a hand hold I don't know. It was not the service I'd have hoped for but I understand why. I'm just so sad.

RoseForRembrance · 19/05/2020 09:58

Flowers and hand holding @hiddenbottles.
My dad's funeral was nothing like he wanted and it took me quite a while to come to terms with that. I know he would understand and not want me to worry about it, he would only want what's best for me.
I hope it all goes as well as it can under these circumstances. Do you have close family attending to support you as well as pay their respects to your dad?

hiddenbottles · 19/05/2020 17:42

Thank you, and yes there were 6 of us there at the service including my sister, mum and DH. I do agree that he would understand too. I think I'll feel better when we can have some kind of memorial service (when allowed)

Flippyflo · 19/05/2020 23:28

Really struggling tonight. Everyone is in bed sitting in total silence brings a sense of peace mixed with utter sadness I wish I could cuddle my darling dad.

Thinking of you all x

mrssunshinexxx · 20/05/2020 08:12

@Flippyflo it is the worst pain when I think about mum which is many many many times a day the pain takes me breath away and i sob every time.
No idea how I'm going to cope with a baby in a matter of weeks

Flippyflo · 20/05/2020 08:19

@mrssunshinexxx

God it’s hard ! I lost my dad 4 days after I had my LO ! For the first Month I might aswell not of been a mum I just wanted to grieve ( still do) wish I had something more positive and constructive to say.. you’ll get through it survival kicks in I guess building a life that your mum would of wanted you to have xxx

Hotpinkangel19 · 20/05/2020 12:16

My Mum and Dad both died in 2017 only weeks apart, I was 33, pregnant and an only child. They were my world. I just wanted to say that although the pain is terrible, I'm nearly 3 years in and it has got easier. I still miss them, still think of them, still have the odd cry, but it definitely has got easier. Thanks

Original poster
Mummylin · 20/05/2020 12:48

My deepest condolences to the new posters on this thread. It is such a sad time for you all. For those of you facing funerals and wondering how you will get through it, you will. Somehow we get an inner strength to help us. It's a weird feeling and with only being able to have just a few people to attend it is even worse than usual. I don't know how I would of coped with that at all, but for now there Is no choice sadly. Hopefully when this is over you will be able to have a memorial service or a get together with family to celebrate the life of your loved one.
Look after yourselves, make sure you get plenty of rest and do make sure you eat, even if it's only snacks. Take care all. 💐💐

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iwantmyownicecreamvan · 20/05/2020 12:56

Mum and Dad both tested positive for Coronavirus and died within a month of each other. Mum died first and we had only just had her funeral (which Dad attended although very ill with other underlying health conditions) and he died a couple of days later.

I don't believe they have gone and keep expecting her to phone. I haven't shed a tear and feel completely numb.

Original poster
Mummylin · 20/05/2020 13:13

Oh my goodness Iwant how awful for you to lose both parents. I am truly sorry and can imagine you are in a state of disbelief. I honestly don't know how anyone can face that. I hope you have family that you are at least able to keep in touch with somehow. It's just awful when you all need to see and be with each other and it's just not possible at the moment. You and your family have been dealt a shocking blow and it will take a while I imagine for you to even process this. I hope that you have supportive friends you can access either by FaceTime or whatever means you have. Take care and do continue to post as there are very supportive posters on here. 💐

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mrssunshinexxx · 20/05/2020 19:24

Thanks @Flippyflo I was so excited and not scared at all about having a baby before I lost mum I guess because I knew she would just be there if I needed her now it all seems pointless but hoping when baby actually arrives my mindset will change x

mrssunshinexxx · 20/05/2020 19:25

@iwantmyownicecreamvan and @Hotpinkangel19 can't imagine losing both how truly cruel life can be x

Original poster
Mummylin · 20/05/2020 20:51

Hotpink I can remember when you first posted, it certainly doesn't seem like it was 3 years ago, where has that time gone. So glad to see that you are now in a much better place. 💐

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Hotpinkangel19 · 21/05/2020 09:04

@Mummylin I know, 3 years. I just keep lurking in case I can help someone else, 3 years ago I didn't think the pain would ever get slightly easier, but it has, and I can look back at memories of them now and smile and laugh instead of cry.
How are you doing?

Jennyie1 · 21/05/2020 09:54

Hello.

Thank you for this post. I will make my way through the threads.

It was my dear Dad’s funeral yesterday. I don’t feel like he didn’t get the send off he deserved. It was intimate and comforting.

His last few weeks were terrible (cancer) but he was taken exceptionally good care of at a hospice and we saw him every single day (he went in as lockdown began)

One thing that’s bugging me at the minute is that COVID-19 is listed on his death certificate, after gastric cancer. He was tested hours before his death, he didn’t know he had it. Looking back he developed a slight cough 5 days before he died.

When the news reports COVID-19 fatalities my Dad is one of them. The virus didn’t kill him, Cancer did.

Thank you for reading.

Original poster
Mummylin · 21/05/2020 10:11

Doing fine, thanks. Very supportive posters on here, they all support each other, which is great. So your little one must be about nearly 3 now ? It's tough at the time isn't it, and I won't ever forget those early days but we know ourselves that eventually there is light at the end of all the sadness. Lovely to see you, so glad things are going well for you. I'm sure your experience would be beneficial to others. Take care and hope to see you when it's possible. 💐

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Original poster
Mummylin · 21/05/2020 10:16

Jennyie so sorry for your loss and I am happy to see you found comfort from your dear dads funeral. These are such strange times aren't they. I think hospices are wonderful places. I haven't been to an adult one, but a friends young son was in one for 8 weeks until he died, but the staff were fabulous , not just to our friends and their son, but to visitors too. I can't speak highly enough of them.
Hoping you are coping ok and that you have RL support, I found this invaluable to help me through.
You will find loads of support on here if you feel the need for it, take care. 💐

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Jennyie1 · 21/05/2020 16:37

Thank you xx

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