Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

How is everyone doing? to you all at this difficult time. Its crazy that they give you so little time to clear out your dad's @Hidethesausage. So little compassion. .

@Geppili and @Cheesypea - so sorry for your loses.

Dad's funeral was last week and, like @Jakdaal, I found it intimate and beautiful. Having said that it was SO hard. But its done.

I decided I would give myself the weekend, then the new normal should start Monday, but failed miserably at that so will try again today. I will get showered, dressed and leave the house for a walk today. I'm trying to give myself a little job each day and today's is clean out the cupboard under the sink! I also have files and files of Dad's paperwork to go through and organise. I need to find some important documents that must be in there somewhere before so I can pass them to the solicitor.

Thanks so much for your support everyone. Ive had a wave of tiredness overcome me now. Lying down now watching tele.

at all the funerals.
Sorry for your losses.

@Minimamame
I lost my mum on 11th April due to COVID-19, she had been in hospital since 19th Feb as she went in for planned surgery to remove a part of her bowel but it went wrong with a catastophic bleed in theatre which left mum in ICU on a ventilator for a week, another 3 weeks in ICU trying to recover and then was making progress starting to talk, eat a little whilst being tube fed and had started to take a couple of steps with a frame to being hit with COVID and died within 4 days - she had been in hospital for 7.5 weeks in total!
My dad is absolutely lost without mum, doesnt know what to do with himself and just mopes around the garden and phones me upto 5 or more times a day for a chat but I feel so sorry for him as I live around the corner (with hubby and 3 boys) and my younger brother lives 50 miles away so he only has me locally.
I dont even think I have grieved properly yet as I have been busy with my family, arranged the funeral, sorted paperwork for Dad and supported him as much as I can within the restrictions of Lockdown.
GP signed me off from 13th April until 14th May but not sure if I should take longer as I actually work in the hospital where my mum passed away.
Feeling really tired today!

@Roseforremembrance thank you. Hope you are doing ok @Cheesypea. I too feel a tidal wave of exhaustion after my Father's death. His funeral won't be for at least three weeks. I am finding lockdown particularly lonely now. It's just me and two DSs whom I love dearly but 7 to 7 (when my beloved DH gets back from a long shift in hospital) is exhausting. I am desperate to see my close friends and just have a break from the kids. I feel so bad saying this because we are very fortunate. But raw grief on lockdown with kids is hard. I send warm hugs to everyone else on this thread.

Yes we can't do all the normal things. My mum would have had a stream of visitors to the hospital. My friends would have been with me. Im luckey to have a teenager who hybernates in her room most of the time anyway. Two of my siblings can't travel to the funeral, it's two weeks today.

I've not had a good day today - exhausted and anxiety ridden. Yesterday (day after the funeral) I was almost on a high. I'm aware that I'm actively avoiding contact with people outside of the immediate family.

I'm 'returning' to work (switch on the laptop) and I'm dreading it as I just don't have the focus.

To everyone in the same position - hope you have a restful night. Tomorrow is another day xx

Hope everyone is okay? 💐it’s been a a week since I posted on here but have been checking in occasionally.

I’ve been up and down since losing my Mum on the 5th April, some days are okay and other days I am exhausted and in floods of tears. I tried to sort some of her things out yesterday and did about an hour before it got too much for me. It’s almost unbelievable that she won’t be coming back and I will never see her again. I’m so cross with how unfair life is, how can my lovely Mum be gone at 60? I wanted to grow old and annoying, and life feels so different without her here. I know life goes on and I will find a way of living without her.

My dad passed a week ago today and I'm just lost. It was unexpected and sudden. I wish this wasn't happening. I don't know how to live with this. I miss him so much, I can't bear it

@lairyhegs - I'm so sorry. You will get through this but take each day at a time. Advice that has stuck with me is to give yourself permission to "feel" and embrace the emotions as they come. It helped me.
In the meantime make sure you take care of yourself. Friends keep prompting me to do this; eat well, drink enough (not alcohol!), sleep as and when you can, try and get some fresh air in nature every day, let friends and family support you, talk to people even if you are howling through the conversation, don't expect too much of yourself or try and do too much. If you need to rant, do. Post on here if you can talk to or rant at someone in real life.

@lairyhegs I lost my mum last Saturday completely unexpectedly and very fast she was my very best friend and I am 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby and only in my twenties. My dad is in a complete mess been together 45 years just no idea where to do from here it seems impossible

My lovely dad died yesterday. He'd been in hospital for a week and it looked like they'd be letting him out in a few days but he went downhill rapidly and died in the morning.
My mum hadn't been able to visit because of corona.

I just keep picturing him lying in a hospital bed slipping away all by himself.

I don't know what to do or feel

Just popping on to say that I hope that you are all somehow coping. What a terrible time for you all. I don't know what I would of done if all this awful world stuff was going on when my mum died.
It's just too awful to contemplate.
I do hope that you are all getting support in RL , although it is difficult because of the social distancing. It helps so much to have a hug, but of course that's not possible at the moment.
So I am sending you all a virtual hug and my deepest sympathy for what you are all going through at the moment. 💐

Hi hope nobody minds me posting here, but need to speak to someone about my lovely DM who died 6 months ago. We weren't super close, definitely not the type of relationship where we spoke every day. DM liked things on her own terms and got annoyed if I did try to push things in terms of closer contact. She could also take ages to reply to texts etc but that was just her, I guess.

Anyway, I messaged, she didnt reply but wasnt concerned as it was nothing out of the ordinary. A few days after this my DB went over to check as he was getting worried, he found our lovely mum had passed away. She had a few health problems and had pulled through some tough times health wise earlier in the year so was a shock.

Every so often I get feelings of guilt and it's been bad today as tomorrow is six months since she died. I feel like a crap daughter for not checking on her more - I know she wasnt keen on more contact and liked her space but I feel that i should have paid more attention, especially as she had a health scare in the January.

Am i going to feel this guilt for the rest of my life? It's the 'what ifs' that are getting to me. What if I went over sooner, would she still be here? It's eating me up inside. DB seems more philosophical about it all.

@Feelingguiltyneedhelp
I’m sorry about your Mum, feelings of guilt are completely normal but your Mum sounded like an independent woman who loved pottering around at home at her own pace, would she have liked you constantly checking up on her? You can’t change what has happened, but you can move on from it. It is part of the grieving process, you won’t always feel guilty.

I lost my Mum just over a month ago, she became suddenly unwell and I would have felt guilty about something no matter what, if I had called the ambulance sooner then I would have felt guilty about not calling it even earlier. Even when I called the ambulance she tried to refuse to go! I did what I thought was right at the time, I just wish I could go back and change the outcome.

@Glitterb how do you feel a month on? I lost my mum a fortnight ago and the pain is unbearable I am also 35 weeks pregnant on top of that so much stress and worry about my poor dad

@mrssunshinexxx
I feel angry at times that she isn’t here and sad that she had to go through such pain. I’m very up and down, the currently situation is not helping as I am isolating myself from people and living in my own little world. I lost my Dad 18 months ago as well and I’m only 32, so I’m trying to be as kind to myself as possible!

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum, it’s all very new to you as well, vent and rant as much as you like on here as we are all going through the same! Look after yourself and baby, your mum is there with you, somewhere, somehow 💐

Sorry but I need to put this out there.
Dad
Does 3 weeks ago. I was with his for 6 hours, and had mum with me. Then his CV19 came back positive. I had to make the decision to protect mum , saw his morphine driver fo in and leave him there (mum is elderly and diabetic, it would have been safe for her on the Covid ward).
I can’t get over my guilt for not being with him. I love my dad so much and I wasn’t there for him at the end. I know it was the right decision and what he would have wanted me to have done to have protected mum, but I feel so bad that I wasn’t with him at the end. I know by that time he probably wouldn’t be aware but I wanted to be with him and I couldn’t.
Sorry if this is rambling but it’s how the thoughts are in my head

@Seeitsortit I'm so sorry for your loss. Guilt is a natural emotion at times like these. Your head knows you made the right decision with keeping your mum safe, but in the turmoil of grief it hard to align your heart with that. I'm sure your dad will have been well cared for in his last hours and he would have wanted you and your mum safe.
Look after yourself.

Thank you @RoseForRembrance, something I have to work through I know. Harder for me as my sibling was able to do what they wanted to do as their last act for dad (different thing so not her rather than me doing the same thing if you see what I mean) but I couldn’t. Not angry about it, just sad that I couldn’t have that too.
Know dad would be upset to see me like this so have to get my head round it.

Thank you @Glitterb just very worried about my poor dad

It's my Dad's funeral tomorrow. Had a panicky type of day, feeling like it's too quick, I'm not ready to do this.

Thinking of you @lairyhegs. You will get through it tomorrow. It may be highly emotional, it may be horrid and feel all wrong, but you will get through it. I sobbed through the whole of Dad's, but no one minded. There were some really awful moments, like when the hearse arrived and although it had been there week wait for me, it also felt too soon as it was so final.
Do you have plans for after the funeral? People really encouraged me to make plans so I did. My favourite ready meal for the evening and a box set of mindless TV that was totally unconnected to the situation. I didn't watch it in the end as I came home and fell asleep for hours and then couldn't face food. But it gave me something to focus on and I ate it and watched them the following day.

Just heard my Dad died. I suspected he was dying but didn't expect it to be so sudden. I'm glad he didn't suffer, he had taken a sudden turn for the worse and had an appointment booked so he was even spared getting bad news from the doctor.

Anyway I have a practical question.
I live a couple of hours drive away (we're all in England though). How do funerals / visiting the bereaved after the funeral ... How does that work now?
Obviously feeling a bit shaken up so can't think straight.
But hoping fellow posters with recent experience can fill me in.

So sorry @46566fhvshdhh

It was all local for me so rather different from your situation.
I was offered a visit to the chapel of rest, but I declined. All the arrangements for funeral, death certificate, etc. were made by phone, email and post.
No one could visit me, especially as family and friends lived several hours away and were mostly in vulnerable or shielding categories.
Funerals offered either grave side or at Crematorium with strictly limited attendees and distancing expected. I think I was told either 5 or 10 close family allowed.

This was all a few weeks ago, so maybe the situation is changing? The people that will know are the funeral directors, so they would be the best people to phone.