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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

985 replies

Mummylin · 06/04/2020 11:59

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

OP posts:
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Mummylin · 12/04/2020 11:05

Thinking of everyone who is missing somebody special such a lot today, including me. 💐

OP posts:
Minimamame · 12/04/2020 17:44

Today was a very difficult day for me. Actually this whole weekend has been hard. My dad is so lonely and because of this virus he’s even more alone than he should be. My heart is broken for him as well as losing mam. Even though we have lots of family close by I still feel like all the worry is on my shoulders. I just feel so sad all the time.

missingmydad · 12/04/2020 20:03

💐 for @Minimamame I'm sorry you are going through this.

Richlyfruited · 12/04/2020 22:48

Love to you all today - it feels doubly awful that life is so disrupted at the moment and I really feel for you @Minimamame

It's been a tough one. Poor DH spent hours making a lovely Easter roast dinner and I just wept all the way through it. The gap where my Dad should have been felt huge today Sad

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/04/2020 22:56

Hi am new to this board. My darling dad died two weeks ago from corona virus.
My mum is not local and is now living on her own. Just feel numb really and hate not being able to be there for my mum.

Minimamame · 12/04/2020 22:58

Thank you both. It’s such a rotten time for everyone right now but it feels so cruel to be dealing with this huge loss in the middle of it.

missingmydad · 12/04/2020 23:14

I was 'lucky' in that my Dad died before all this started but close enough that it has stopped us scattering his ashes. I was unable to go to his funeral for other reasons.

The news today that Tim Brooke Taylor has died really made me sad, it sounds silly but The Goodies was a show my Dad and I always liked watching together.

missingmydad · 12/04/2020 23:15

@MyDcAreMarvel I'm so sorry.

Hidethesausage · 12/04/2020 23:21

💐to us for getting through today in whatever way is possible. I prepared a roast and painted DD11s bedroom, then the washing. Have to keep busy to shake the sensation of being cast adrift. I read a link from another thread about how grief comes in waves and that's certainly how I have felt today. Trying to explain to DS8 was both heartbreaking and cathartic.

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/04/2020 23:22

Thank you @missingmydad so sorry for your loss also.

missingmydad · 12/04/2020 23:27

The thing that really got to me in the very early days was that it was the first thing I thought of every single day and thought about it whenever I wasn't busy. That was hard. Now it comes and goes in waves.

RoseForRembrance · 12/04/2020 23:47

Sending you all love Flowers. Today was harder than yesterday for me. Didn't get to speak to another human being all day, all my friends were busy with family and Easter stuff. Normally if I'm at a loose end like this I'll go out and wander round the shops so I actually talk to people, or phone dad for a long chat.

I knew everyone would be busy so decided when woke up to do some work towards sorting some necessary paperwork regarding Dad, but couldn't keep it together to actually do it. So it feels like another day over and its still hanging over me.

Hidethesausage · 13/04/2020 16:52

@missingmydad that's exactly it. I woke up this morning feeling ok, so thought I would go and empty his fridge and leave a note for the milkman. Ever since I've been back my stomach has been in a knot. @RoseForRemembrance, I hope today has been better for you?

Cuppabiscuittea · 14/04/2020 09:40

Hi everyone, I found this thread this morning. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. My dad died a week today, though not of corona virus. He had been unwell for over a year after suffering a stroke in December 2018. I don't feel as entitled to grieve as those who have had deaths that were less 'expected'

I checked in with work this morning and my boss didn't even mention it. Feeling very lonely and vulnerable right now.

Cuppabiscuittea · 14/04/2020 09:44

And just to add - I agree with a previous poster about the complexity of the layers of grief. I had time to think about this but the many thoughts and feelings are overwhelming at the moment and not just a simple 'sadness'

I also keep going over and over those last few hours and the horror of it in my head. Though I am glad my dad was not alone, I so hope the memory of that particular experience fades.

Glitterb · 14/04/2020 10:08

I hope everyone has managed to have a nice Easter weekend, as hard as it is at the moment. ♥️

Today we hope to get the death certificate through the post so we can start the process with everything. Funeral has been confirmed now for the 24th. I keep having dreams that she came out of hospital well, so I don’t think my brain has really dealt with everything at the moment.

RoseForRembrance · 14/04/2020 19:25

Welcome @Cuppabiscuittea but so sorry you are joining us. It is a lonely time and I think we are all feeling vulnerable too. You are just as entitled to grieve as the rest of us, it doesn't matter how expected it was you've still lost someone important who you loved. So we can hold each others' hands in this isolation and help in any way we can.

I was with Dad at the end and I went over and over that time in the first few days. But it is beginning to fade. I know not everyone can look at pictures during their grief, but I have found some photographs of him to look at when the pictures of his last hour come in to my head, to try and replace the horridness with a happy smiling picture. It has helped.

Small steps @Hidethesausage. I hope your stomach has untwisted and you are feeling you've achieved something by going round. I'm still trying to summons the strength to go to Dad's to clear out his fridge and tidy up a bit. I need some of the paperwork there, but I just haven't been able to face it.

I found Easter really hard and also very isolating, but I got through it. Talking to the funeral director again this morning emotionally exhausted me for the day, so I've browsed the internet and vaguely watched TV since then.

I slept OK to for the first few days, but now I can't get to sleep until really late, then have strange dreams and wake early. Dad is in lots of my dreams but in bizarre circumstances.

Glad you've got a funeral date @Glitterb. I'm down to the last bits of the funeral planning, but like you its not until the end of next week.

A friend who phoned this morning asked what I'd been doing and I reeled off all the funeral, solicitors, etc. But she stopped me and said "no, what are you doing for you?" I couldn't answer her. I wake, sometimes actually get dressed, I eat sometimes, I watch TV and snooze on the settee, I try and organise all the things to do with dad's death, then its bedtime again. It's made me think! So I'll ask that same question to my fellow grievers here?

FluffyFluffyClouds · 14/04/2020 19:37

My Mum spent most of her last two months in hospital, and I ... keep wanting to go back there. How odd is that. I suppose when I was there I knew I was where I was meant to be.
I knew she might not get better so each day I cherished being able to brush her hair and feed her icecream.
I spent quite a lot of time there and now I find myself missing the drive up, sorting out the carpark, trotting through the maze of stairs and buildings and back doors and corridors and lifts to see her. I miss the vending machines where I'd grab a low fat baked snack for the drive back. I miss the chips and beans in the canteen.

I miss being able to chat with her about the little things. Hairdresser drama. Exploding olive oil bottles. Quiz wins.

Welp. Can't be helped can it.

Glitterb · 14/04/2020 19:46

@RoseForRembrance You absolutely need to take time for yourself, nothing is more important than that. Yes things need to be sorted, but everything is taking such a long time anyway at the moment.
I am being quite lazy and watching a lot of rubbish tv, cleaning and making myself take the dog for the decent walk everyday. It’s not much but it gets me out the house.

@FluffyFluffyClouds I’m the same as you, my mum was rushed into hospital on the 11/02 and we visited everyday for 7.5 weeks before she passed, there was a big part of me that thought she would come home. Sadly it wasn’t meant to be, I keep thinking about driving to hospital or needing to be somewhere. Take your time and be kind to yourself x

Richlyfruited · 14/04/2020 20:11

Hi @Cuppabiscuittea and I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

We thought my dad would come home from hospital too and part of me still hasn't accepted that he didn't make it. It is so very weird and shocking when it hits me that he's actually no longer with us. I keep picking up the phone to call him!

After a lot of chasing we finally have a direct cremation date for Thursday. Not the send off for him we would have chosen but I know it is best under the circumstances Sad

@RoseForRembrance I've been stupidly busy since dad died; painting the house, gardening, manically cleaning....all to put off thinking too much!

I hope you are all finding time for yourselves in whatever way makes things more bearable x

BooseysMom · 14/04/2020 20:16

@Mummylin..thank you for this thread. My DM passed away 3 years ago following a 17 year battle with cancer. I have found that recently i have been having dreams at night where she features prominently. I think the cause is the stress of loss of loved ones from the virus.

gingerfreckles · 14/04/2020 23:21

Hi all, I'm sorry for your losses. I lost my mum two weeks ago from covid. I can't write much because I think I'm just numb and lonely and exhausted by everything but I'm reading the thread for support and wanted you to know I'm thinking of you all.

BooseysMom · 15/04/2020 11:12

@gingerfreckles.. thank you for your post. i'm so sorry for your loss Flowers. Thinking of you too

Hidethesausage · 15/04/2020 23:37

@Cuppabiscuittea 💐. Please don't feel guilty for doing/not doing- it's interesting to hear about feelings of exhaustion. My anxious stomach and racing mind isn't letting me rest and I have to hand over the keys to my Dads flat on Sunday, so have had to make a start today on clearing his belongings. It's just so brutal that as soon as a life is over it is expected to be cleared aside so quickly. I remember that with my Mum. She passed away in the hospital at 2am and an hour later we were asked to pack up her things and leave. I don't k ie about you but I just feel so tired of trying to work out what to do next.

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 09:54

Thank you, Mummylin. You were there to help me on here when I was feeling the most pain. Thank you so much for caring. Flowers

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