Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

[Mummylin]

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

I’m also just over a month in foxy (5 weeks ago today) and not exactly sure how I feel, it still all seems quite surreal - like I’m going through the motions but not actually living my real life. I do keep having vivid dreams, my Mum isn’t alive in any of them but in some of them my Dad is and I’m trying to look after him, in others I’m a schoolaged child with no parents. I’ve not really broken down and properly grieved yet, not sure when that’s going to come.

Hugs to all from me too

I am struggling so badly that I can barely breathe. Lots of crappy little things are happening in my life and in the midst of it all I'm trying to sort out my dad's will and chase up the transfer of ownership for the grave plot because his ashes are still sitting on a shelf at the funeral home, and today I have just run out of coping ability.

Hugs spiderlight. I have days (weeks) when I just can’t do any of the ‘stuff’ Other days when I do manage to deal with some of it all. There will be better days.

spider I think sometimes you have to admit you can’t cope and check out for a few hours or days, whatever it takes, and let someone else take over if you can.

I’m still feel like I’m living in some weird out of body/dream like experience, I’m sleeping very badly too which isn’t helping so I’m just kind of plodding along in a stupor.

Hugs and handholds to all who need one

Today is the first anniversary of losing my Dad. Can't believe a whole year has past since I last saw him or spoke to him.
I miss him so much and think of him every day.
He was just 66 and had prostate cancer.
I hope he knew how much we all loved him. My mum, sister and myself were all with him at the end and I hope he knew we were there.
It was the hardest thing I've done watching him go.
I know he couldn't of carried on any longer but how I wish he was still here

Just popping on to see how you are all getting on. For me the first year was horrendous and I did not think I would ever feel any better. But it took a while and eventually things do improve. But I have never got over the sense of loss. You do learn to live again, although it's different from before, our mums / dads will always be in our hearts.
I hope you can all still get some pleasure from other things, this will help. 💐

dp asked how I was doing (it’s 6 months after my ma died). I thought internally ‘I know how to describe it - ‘I just want her back’. As soon as thought that and then said it stared to cry. We were out in public at very posh do. Hmmm still some way to go I think.
Hugs all. Thanks mummylin for checking in and for such good advice always.

bec3105 so sorry about your dad. My own dad died around 2 years ago and I feel very similar to you. Loved him a lot. Miss him a lot. Hugs to you too.

My youngest son competed in his first athletics competition. I had to go in to the toilet for a cry because I wanted to tell my mum about it! She would have been so proud. It’s only been three months but god it’s awful.

minicat My son competed in a big national tournament on Sunday and did really well, and I had nobody to phone and tell. It's so bloody hard, isn't it? I mean, I have lovely in-laws I could have rung but it's not the same.

Posting on this thread for the first time. My mum died in March. I miss her so much and it doesn’t feel real that she’s gone. Right now I am struggling with guilt about not being there when she died. I even dreamt about it a few nights ago.

Mum died of cancer aged 66. She died sooner than we expected. It was sudden. I saw her on Sunday and she died Thursday. We had no idea she was so near the end. She died of septic shock in hours due to having no immune system because of chemo. I live 3 hours away and when I got the call to say she was dying I got a taxi (it was just after midnight) but she was dead after just an hour.

@minicat and @spiderlight I feel the same.

I would call my Mum daily and just chat about life. She loved hearing about my kids. She was ill for a couple years before she died and hearing about the kids and seeing photos gave her such pleasure.

We had a Facebook group with Mum and my MIL and my MIL’s mother as members and I would post photos of the kids. I know they want to see photos but I just cannot post them knowing Mum won’t see them and I won’t get her comments. The idea just makes me cry.

Oh Mepop - it's blooming hard, isn't it? :(

@Mepop - I’m so sorry that your mum has died. My mum died very suddenly in February and I think that I am still in shock.

When my children call their other grandma to tell them their news I have to leave the room. It’s unbearable. In fact it’s becoming quite a big issue for me. My mum loved hearing about their lives, sports and school. It’s so awful.

I’m so sorry Mepop my Mum died in March too & I’m still in the ‘this isn’t real’ phase as well.

I don’t have kids so don’t have the same feelings you all do about sharing their achievements and photos etc but my Mum was a champion emailer (she never got to grips with texting) and I still find myself going to check if she’s sent one or thinking I’ll call or email to tell her something.

It is all so very hard I think Mummylins words above are very wise and hopefully we will all learn to live again even though our lives will never be the same

So sorry for your loss, Mepop my mum also died suddenly in a similar way back in November. She was only in her late 60s as well. Please don't feel bad about being there, there's no way you could have known what would happen. I'm sure the hospital staff made sure your mum's passing was as peaceful as possible for her.

I'm doing better these days but still get frequent teary moments at all the things I cannot tell mam and the fact that I'll never talk to her again. Just take it day by day and don't be hard on yourself, you're already going through a tremendous shock.

Hello all
My mum died in April in a car accident.. it hasn’t properly sunk in and I haven’t really cried. Just going through the motions. My dad was in the car accident too and is still in ICU so it’s all so unbelievably shit. He doesn’t know my mum has died either. I miss her so much and miss just ringing and talking to her. Hope it gets better.
Sending love to you all

Oh aimeefrank I am so sorry. What a shock for you and also to have your dad to worry about when grieving your mum. I am so sorry. It does get better but it’s also so difficult along the way.
This thread has been so supportive to so many of us - a good place to say things which can be hard irl.
I am sending you and your family good wishes In really difficult time.
Hope you have support from family and friends - use it and ask for it when needed.

@AimeeFrank I am so so sorry that you’ve lost your mum. What a terrible thing to go through with your dad being so ill too. I think the shock takes a long time to get through. You must wonder how you will get through it all. Just takes things hour by hour, day by day. Posting on here has helped me lots since my mum died in February. Be kind to yourself. Sending lots of support.

Thank you girls x x

Oh Aimee - I am so sorry. That must be unbelievably hard for you. It does get better eventually but it's a bumpy old road.

Oh, Aimee, what a shock. You must be in survival mode. Please make sure you have support for yourself. Much love to you.

I am struggling today. It's Mother's Day here and although we never made a thing out of it, it's beyond shit.

Thank you sending love 💕

Hi there I lost my dad 8 months ago in a sudden accident and just lost my fil to cancer. I’m finding it’s got worse instead of better. One of my children competed in a big event my dad would have loved today and I found it really hard. Felt bitter that neither of his grandads were here to celebrate too. Has anybody else found they’ve felt similar further on and how long does it last?

I think what I've come on this thread for is for someone to tell me that this absolute heart wrenching pain will start to ease one day.
It's been 4 days since my beloved mam passed away. Post mortem has come back as inconclusive but we suspect it was suicide. She was the most wonderful parent, grandparent and just general human being to ever walk this earth.
I feel numb one second and like my heart is just going to completely shatter and I'll die the next.
Please help me, I truly feel like my heart is just going to stop beating