Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

[Mummylin]

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

My wee mum passed away this morning how do I keep going

Hello Foxy I am so sorry for your loss. You will keep going by just getting through hour by hour, then day by day. It is tough in the early days, very tough although there are things that have to very done. It is one of the worst times I personally think when we lose mum / dad, and so hard to adjust. I hope you have RL support, but always someone on here to give you a hand hold. You are not alone, we all understand. 💐

The funeral went well on 2nd, lots of familiar faces. My 16yrcold DS was very upset. Think he'd been holding it all together for a while.
I feel OK, but have moments when I forget and think I need to call mum to tell her something. That's when I get upset.

It will be ok Lolli take things easy, make sure you look after yourself and do take time to grieve. Eventually you will begin to feel a bit more light heartedly and begin to laugh at things again. It just takes time.
Glad the funeral went as well as possible. I hope your Ds. Dosent keep all his grief inside and that his friends will help him through this very sad time. 💐

My mum died 8 December, a year after my MIL died.

She was such a strong presence in our lives. I have my late sister's children and the eldest lived with Nan until she was 11. My kids found her when they went to visit with DH. It has been an awful shock to them both.

She had been very ill but was on the mend, it was very sudden. Because the coroner was closed and then Xmas, we still haven't had the funeral.

My dad then took a very serious infection over Xmas and is still in hospital. Mum had been dad's carer for the last 3 years. None of us live close by and he has always been a very difficult man. Now we don't have mum to soften him any more.

I have agreed to be the executor and going through mum's papers has been horrible.

Dear foxy, so sorry for your loss. Just to say somehow you will get through.Some of it will be in a daze. Some of it will be on adrenaline but you will manage. I hope you have support and people you can lean on. We all understand on here.
peony am so sorry to hear your news. I hope you are managing. You are in a similar situation as me. I lost mum who was dads main carer too and we all live miles away. He has lots of health needs and like yours, my mum coped with him well. You will find it tricky as I have realised the family dynamic has changed, but, you will find a way. Things are falling into a different pattern of life for me, but it is simply the new normal and we cope as best we can.

Just a quick post ofnsupport and hugs to all including peony and foxy. I am so sorry - it is so tough. My ma died 6 weeks ago. It wasn’t until very recently when i picked up her ashes from the funeral director and brought them to her house that I think I started to understand a tiny bit that she has died. My tears yesterday felt different.
Still in a haze and don’t really understand yet. She left things in good order but the never ending paperwork is hateful. Have days I can’t summon up any energy to do anything at all then random bursts of doing a few things. Probably not prioritising well but no doubt it will all get sorted eventually. Hugs all.

So sorry to see others joining this page. It's a tough journey. Huge hugs all round.

Heron I hear what you're saying. I have somehow been in a daze. My Mum died 3 weeks ago, funeral was yesterday. Last night and today I feel devastated.

Did anyone else feel worse after the funeral? I feel so terribly lonely without her. She was someone I could always ring. I miss her.

Oh Bertie I am so sorry. My mum was my best friend - we were very close (we had had some ups and downs over the years just like most I suppose). I too feel lonely even though I have lovely supportive dp, siblings and friends. Constantly forgetting she has died. Brain really hasn’t processed it except a tiny bit very recently. It is just so sad. It’s made me realise how many of us are stumbling around day by day dealing with loss and coping with grief. It is amazing what we cope with really.

heronWe had our ups and downs too but we could always have a chat. We spoke 3 or 4 times a week, just catching up. I miss that enormously.

I just feel as though I'm missing a part of me I guess. Yesterday was so emotional. She would have loved the funeral.

The irony of a good funeral the person who would have loved it the most wasn't there, but I guess we did her proud and I can honestly say it was totally Mum.

Sending huge hugs on your journey too. All I know is when my Dad died things slowly got back to a new normal and it took me a good few months to get used to it.

I'm struggling at the moment. I have to register her for death today. The thing that's tearing me apart is the events of that last day. My dad and sister were not coping so everything was left to me, all of the decisions and I feel like I failed her at the last minute and went against her wishes for their benefit.

Poppym12 - I Am so sorry you are struggling in that way. Please be gentle with yourself. Decisions made in terrible times are the best we can do in the moment. It’s normal to look back and doubt yourself or think you did something ‘wrong’. Sounds from your short post as if you did the only thing which was important - you stepped up and made those tough decisions because no one else was ablento. That’s what your mum needed - bloody good for you. Hugs.

Completely what heron says.

Poppy you made decisions when others weren't able to. You took decisions which was the very best thing you could do for your mum in the circumstances. Today put one foot in front off the other. Keep eating and drinking. Look after yourself. It is all so raw. Gather support for yourself where you can. Huge hugs.

Because she passed away on Friday in hospital there is nothing we can start doing until Monday but it's breaking my heart knowing she is lying on the hospital morgue as if lonely my husband tells me her soul will have left her but it's still killing me.

Hugs foxyknoxy30. You are all doing the only care you can right now - loving her and missing her and keeping all of your memories and special love safe completely safe and treasured. It is very difficult. Hugs.

Reading all your posts I can recall all the different feelings. Foxy one of my brothers and myself were very upset when mum was in the morgue ,like you we felt she was alone, but once she was moved to a chapel of rest we were a bit happier as we could then go and "visit " her. I hope you managed to sleep last night.
Poppy you made decisions on what you thought was the right thing to do at the time. Do not have any regrets about that, it can't of been easy for you.
Peony so sorry for your loss. I agree with you, going through all the personal stuff is deeply upsetting, is anyone helping you with this ?
For all of you who have had recent loss. If as time goes on you can't seem to cope too well, please don't hesitate to go and see your doctor, some may like to see a bereavement counsellor, it is your own personal choice. 💐💐💐

Bertie I think that after the funeral all of a sudden the previous busy days of seeing people and having tonarrange stuff helps us to get through the day as we have something to do. After the funeral most things are done for a while and we have time to think about what the last few weeks have been like and we try and process it all. It can be overwhelming for a while. 💐
It has been 7 years since I lost my mum, and I still can't take her phone number out of my phone. I don't know why this is really.
Heron when you are used to seeing your mum often, it is horrible not to have this anymore, I still look out onto my drive and expect to see my mum coming round for her daily cuppa and chat, and often I see people who from the back look like my mum and my heart does a leap.
It's just all so emotional and we now have to face that our lives have been changed forever. But as the saying goes " life does go on " albeit a different one. It just takes time. 💐

Hugs to all of you today.
I am really struggling today nearly 9 weeks on. I miss my mum so much, like other posters here, I always spoke on the phone every day. We took our Christmas decks down this morning and I remembered how she would ring and ask after DD who always protests when they come down as she loves them so much!( we only put them up for her this year). No phone call today was quite upsetting. School starts again on Monday and again, another little reminder of her loss, she would ring the night before to wish DD good luck for the new term ahead. So very hard in lots of ways. Lots of big gaps in our lives and am not able to fill them. Still feel like I am looking out at the world whilst stood still.
Am thinking of counselling but not sure if it will help. Does anyone else have a good experience of this?

In all honesty Usethedoor at 9 weeks in I’m not sure what counselling would do for you. I’ve had bereavement counselling but it didn’t start till after the normal grieving finished if you see what i mean. Actually that’s rubbish because you don’t stop grieving but it has peaks in the first years after a loss.

I.e. I think you just need to feel your feelings for now, they are not something you should be expected to change or push away.

thanks iggi , friends are encouraging me to go but am not sure it will be useful. Will think about it later on.

My dad's funeral was yesterday. I think it went OK. It was a bit of a blur really - my 11-year-old was very upset at a couple of points so it went by in a bit of a blur while I was looking after him, but he says he's glad he was there. Feeling very lost today though, now that my lovely in-laws have gone. I've been so focused on the funeral, which was a manageable chunk of time away, and now suddenly I'm faced with the rest of my life without my dad :(

The cards and flowers have started and although it's lovely to think my mum so well thought of it making it real .

Spiderlight that's my biggest dread feel your pain

Usethedoor I don't think it works for everyone, but I have known some that it has helped a lot. And as someone has mentioned I think there has to be a gap before you access counselling. I was lucky and have close siblings and friends and we all spoke to each other about it, so didntgo down that road myself. 💐
Spider likely you will be unsettled for a while. In the immediate aftermath of our loss there is quite a bit to arrange etc. Then when the funeral has taken place, all of a sudden there is nothing and I think it just sinks in even more than before, as we have more time to think about it. 💐