Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

[Mummylin]

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

Missy it is very hard, sending you hugs and a handhold.

I’m back to ‘normal’ life now but it hasn’t fully sunk in that Mum’s not here anymore, I keep wanting to call her or check for emails - she was quite tech savvy and loved sending me massive long chatty emails

She loved Easter so much and would have especially enjoyed this year with the beautiful weather.

I’m having her house cleared tomorrow and will be officially handing it back next weekend and feel really sad and guilty, like I’m just throwing away her stuff and abandoning her home but there was no other choice. I haven’t ever lived with my Mum as an adult but I feel homeless/rootless now too.

So sorry to read your sad posts, my heart goes out you all. My darling Dad's funeral is at 3pm today. He died on 22nd March so it has been a long wait. I am dreading it but I also know that it will be closure for us as a family. He was very much loved by all of us.

I hope everything went well today Button and your darling Dad got a lovely send off

It's the funeral tomorrow. I have no idea how I'm going to deal with it. I'm probably as well making sure that my Dad is coping otherwise I think I'll fall to pieces.

I was coping fine but over the last 5 days or so, I've been massively struggling. I think that I was numb but now its hit me, my Mum has gone and I want to see her and be with her.

Jadzia thinking of you and hope you get through today as best you can.

I hope that for those who had funerals today, it was a beautiful send off.

Thinking of everyone who had to cope with funerals this week. It will be difficult but you will be ok.

I hope you got through today ok Jadzia

Thank you. It went very well - we gave Mum a good send off and I kept it together during my reading. Dad read the eulogy and made it through. Thank goodness for close family and friends who've rallied around us.

My thoughts are with anyone else who is also dealing with this

So pleased to hear that. It's the strangest day isn't it?
I am still struggling fair bit. Today I am having my first counselling. I'm lucky as my work pay for counselling . A bit worried as I've had lots in the past ( mainly to do with my difficult relationship with her!)and have never managed to cope with it before. Hopefully this time will work

Name changed as I am sure people will recognize me.
I'm devastated - my Dad died suddenly on Easter Saturday - not sure exactly when. He fell asleep in his chair and did not wake up again. When he didn't turn up the Easter Sunday Mass the alarm was raised and a relative sent out to check on him. She found him sitting in his chair.
I am in another country. He has to have a post mortem and now we have to wait until next week for the results of that.
I just want to scream and wail.
I'll never hear his voice or get another email from him again (we emailed a lot). He had emailed just before midnight on Friday and everything was normal. And then suddenly he's gone at the age of 74.
I feel so ill I think I am going to have a heart attack or something.

I’m so very sorry lostmydad what a terrible shock. I hope you have people around you to lean on & look after you, and that you can scream and wail as much as you need to.

I’m glad all went well Jazdia and your Dad was able to read the eulogy.

I hope the counselling helps this time lepetit I can get counselling through work too but not sure whether I’ll need it or not at the moment, I don’t think the reality has even fully hit me yet.

I'm a bit on my own. In another country. Relationship broke up 5 months ago. No children. Only child.
My cousins in the UK are messaging me constantly which is lovely and a really close friend also in the UK.
Absolute nightmare

Lost my dad - I’m so sorry and am sending you what hugs I have left. What a shock. This site has been so supportive to so many of us. My ma (my best friend) died out of the blue at home and we had the inquest procedure to go through also. I felt very like you - spoke to her the night before and everything was good. Saw her the week before and she was full of beans and full of plans. It’s really tough.
Practical note - the inquest does not need to delay very much. You can organise the funeral and quite early in the process the funeral can be held. Your funeral director will help you through it all. I don’t know what else to say. My ma died 5 months ago and it’s hitting harder now for me. It gets better but at its own pace. Good your cousins are keeping in touch and helping you.

Lostmydad I’m also sending massive hugs and handholds ❤️💐 I’m an only child too, divorced with no kids, didn’t live near my Mum and all my extended family are overseas. It’s a very lonely and frightening place to be, luckily my Mum was religious and her church friends were amazing and really looked after me, and my best/oldest friend lives about half an hour away from Mum and was an absolute tower of strength, I don’t know what I’d have done without her.

Are you able to take time off so you can go to stay with your cousins or could any of them come over to you? Hopefully they will at least be able to deal with some of the practicalities for you and help organise the funeral. My heart goes out to you, please keep posting here, I’ve found this thread very comforting and supportive.

@lostmydad - I’m so sorry. It must feel like you’re in a nightmare. My mum died suddenly in February and I still feel like it’s all been a bad dream. Just take things minute by minute, hour by hour. The shock makes things hard to process. I’m also an only child and my dad died a long time so was always just me and my mum. It’s very very hard.

@lepetitpiggy - Hope your first counselling session was helpful? Strangely enough I have just emailed Cruse today enquiring about counselling. I find myself reliving the night I found out she had died frequently throughout the day and the guilt I have about not seeing her more often is crippling. I’m not sure if counselling will help or just time.

Thanks for your kind words everyone. The post mortem was brought forward and completed today. Natural causes - acute heart failure, ischaemic heart disease.
I can now get on with planning. Talking to his priest today has really helped and I am going to focus on making sure his Requiem Mass is exactly what he wanted - he talked about his wishes often enough.
Sometimes I feel ok like now - and then other times a wave of panic and grief hits and I just scream.

Thanks for your kind words everyone. The post mortem was brought forward and completed today. Natural causes - acute heart failure, ischaemic heart disease.
I can now get on with planning. Talking to his priest today has really helped and I am going to focus on making sure his Requiem Mass is exactly what he wanted - he talked about his wishes often enough.
Sometimes I feel ok like now - and then other times a wave of panic and grief hits and I just scream.

lostmydad - what a dreadful thing to happen. Organising and planning can be a massive help but do take time for you too. It's a hard andpainful time.
The counselling was really very helpful. It made me begin to understand that it's ok to feel sad and confused and low - basic ally to grieve. So many emotions all over the place

Can I ask about grief counselling ? I’m thinking I may benefit/need some (feel without any reserves or energy to deal with small crappy things - have uncharacteristic short fuse at the moment - sobbed at work over a small annoyance - luckily close friend was there and was lovely.
Have heard that counselling is not generally recommended for the first period (not sure how long) as natural grieving process needs to be worked through a bit etc. Is this right ? If so how long before counselling indicated ? My ma died 5 months ago my dad the year before. Feeling bit battered and sinking rather than treading water.
Thanks for any info.
Looked at cruse website but nothing in central London !?

@HeronLanyon the email I received back from Cruse said they don’t invite anybody for assessment until 8 weeks has passed. They state that counselling in “early grief” can be overwhelming and unhelpful. I am past 8 weeks but they still said it is early days for me so can choose whether to go for an assessment or wait a while. I’m not sure what to do. Don’t think it could harm things by going as my head is all over the place.

Might your GP have more info on counselling if Cruse don’t have a section in your area? Or Cruse do have an email address or phone number to try. I hope you manage to find something.

Personally, I'm having general counselling - a lot to with childhood traumas, my, relationship with her, sister issues and many things as well as the bereavement. I think it will help.

Cruse are great though - I worked with our branch in a professional capacity a few years back

mini and lepit thanks so much for that. For some reason I thought the period was longer. I will persist with cruse and gp. Feeling very much better today. Think yesterday was one of those important down days which help progress - sobbing about something small and stupid at work was rather cathartic somehow. I seem to be in the wobbly period of ‘up and down’.
Hugs all.

Hugs allround.

I am now just over a month in. I have been desperately trying to pick up where I left everything, only to find that doesn't work. I have had to admit to myself that I cannot do work on my uni backlog and prep for upcoming exams/papers. So, I have spoken to school and I've applied for a few deadline extensions, which they should grant me considering my circumstances, which means I can work on one big paper after my exams and into the summer holidays. DS will be at holiday club at least one day a week, and then a few hours on the weekends, that should be doable.

I have also started writing letters to my mum. I bought a notebook and wrote the first letter on the first month anniversary of her death last week. I feel a bit calmer I can write her a note when I feel the need to tell her something.

I am finding it hard to see my dad though. He was here yesterday and when he turns up my heart sinks that it's just him and mum isn't hobbling along on her crutches after him.