Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

[Mummylin]

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

Hugs and love to all. I'm struggling so much today missing my mum. All her complicated wonderful individuality. I miss her so fucking much.

I didn't realise that this thread was here. My Mum died in the early hours this morning. I need to talk about her but I can't find any words.

Hello all

Slight name change but still here. Been a tough few weeks on and off - probably feel a bit worse now it's sinking in - it's been almost 2 months since my mum died. I feel I'm in the realms of completely normal though in terms of this shit that is grieving but it's hardly a barrel of laughs is it?

Today was quite tough I suppose. Feel tired now. Blah - it's just hard

Hello to all new people and sorry to see you here. However the support is here if you need it and when you need it - just post and someone will respond. I'm very sorry to catch up on the thread and read your sad news. It may be a small comfort to know that there are people out there who know exactly how you are feeling x

@JadziaSnax if you want to then please try and post what you're feeling

@Lovelymonkeyninetynine I know. It's horrible and hard and just shit and I'm sorry you feel sad

@spiderlight hope you're ok and @Lepetitpiggy glad to here that today was no worse for you than any other day. It's the small things isn't it

Sorry to see you've joined us Jadzia. 💐

This is just shit isn't it? I'm going along like normal then boom. It hits all over again. And people seem to think it's in the past. Nope. It's present.

@JadziaSnax whenever you feel ready we are hear to listen

She's an amazing woman. Funny, kind, thoughtful, wise and insightful. I hurt, my sister hurts and my Dad really hurts.

She's the hub of the family. We're all feeling dazed and a little bit lost.

I'm not ready to use the past tense.

Thank you for your kind and supportive posts.

@JadziaSnax are you / have you all been together today?

@2018SoFarSoGreat I get that. I'll be singing away in the car or laughing at something or looking forward to a shopping trip or whatever and all is fine: and then I'll be crying for ages and I simply can hardly believe she's gone and that's it - I can never see her again. She would WhatsApp me twenty times a day. Every day. More!

I saw a programme recently and a few lines from it have stayed with me. I'm paraphrasing here but I would rather me be here feeling like this and having to cope without her than her be here having to cope with the loss of me. Because she would not be able to. And - sad and desperate though I feel sometimes - I can ultimately cope. She was quite reliant on me for chat and company and doing bits and pieces for her and she would be absolutely distraught and lost with me gone

This may only make sense in my head. I know what I mean

I totally get that, Batface. Mum had a really full social life, much more than me. She will be missed by so many of us today.

Just absolutely bloody awful isn't it? I would like to speed up the whole damn process to the time when I will feel exactly like my old self and not prone to these stupid weepy phases all the bloody time. Makes my heart sink that there is no hurrying it up.

Mind you, I'm not renowned for my patience

NWQM yes, we have. Plus some other family came to see us. Everyone is so incredibly kind and I've had some really lovely messages on social media. DH is my rock too.

I’m so sorry that you’ve joined us Jadzia my mum died a week ago today and I’ve found comfort in this thread.

Batface what you’ve said above about coping with the loss rings very true with me as well.

I hope everyone got through yesterday as best they could, I was OK but I think because it’s still so new and seems quite unreal, next year (as well as Christmas and birthdays etc) will probably be much harder.

I’m absolutely dreading the funeral but also dreading it being over.

Hi, I'm back after introducing myself back in January when we were told Dad was about to die. Well, he had other ideas and hung on until 3 weeks ago, beating pneumonia and flu at the same time, before his Picks caused him to to forget how to swallow and breathe. He died peacefully in the end with Mum, myself and my brother by his side, 11 years to the day that his mum died.

Mum died at home last Tuesday. We were told by the GPpractice her death wojld be signed off by a drin a couple of days. Thursday we were told by GP surgery needed to be seen by a coroner. Nothing done til Friday when Dad spoke to GP and he said coroner would call Mon.
Today no call. Dad calls funeral directors who contact coroner who has heard nothing. The GP surgery had still not told him. 6 days after death.
I am so so angry.
We have made tentative arrangements for her funeral for 10 April. Not sure timescales will work.
Being angry is helping the pain a little, but how dare they do this?
Missing Mum so much, she would have sorted it.
Thanks for listening x

Cafe That is terrible, and I am so sorry for your loss. I really think issues surrounding bereavement need to be dealt with more efficiently and sympathetically, it is stressful enough without obstacles being created.

We had issues with the death certificate for Dad not being issued for 4 days and the register office not answering the phone and the website being down, meaning we couldn't make an appointment to register his death. After a pleading email explaining it was now day 5 and his death had to be registered that day by law, we finally got an appointment, but it was very upsetting and unnecessary. The registrar admitted they didn't answer the phone as they preferred online bookings. Not helpful when online bookings can't be made.

So sorry to the new posters who have joined us,I hope you will find this thread a bit of a comfort.
To the previous posters, as well as the new, I'm sure that yesterday was upsetting for you all, but hope with support from your families you coped better than you though you would. It's all so painful isn't it. 💐

We've been sorting our some of Mum's personal stuff today. That was hard. We all (Dad, me & sis) had to keep stopping to cry. Dad feels better for doing it although we've left a lot of her jewellery to deal with once we're feeling a bit stronger.

@JadziaSnax be gentle with yourself. It's very early days and you don't need to do everything. Give yourself time to do these things. And let the tears flow when you need to.

Sending much love to everyone

I’m so sorry Cafe and 2ofsteds

Cafe that sounds awful and horrendously incompetent

I’ve been very lucky with all the ‘officialdom’ so far which is something, the main issue has been all the distances involved due to Mum living rurally nothing is really local to her house never mind to mine. No idea what I’m going to do about work as there’s no way I’ll be able to sort anything out once I’m back as my job is very full on & involves a lot of international travel. My manager told me to take as long as I need but obviously I can’t stay off for months.

Jazdia I’ve started doing some sorting too, it’s very hard isn’t it

It is hard definitely, Very early days but Dad wanted to do it. He feels better as it was job he was dreading.

Today is Dad's funeral. I managed to nod off about 5am and my anxiety is now sky high as I had planned to be up early.
I really don't want to go as it feels pointless. He died over 3 weeks ago and it feels too late to be having his funeral. I honestly think if my kids weren't at home I would disappear off for the day on my own. I haven't really cried yet and know this will trigger it. I don't want to cry in front of my kids and my Mum. I am afraid of the grief that is about to flood me. I am happy feeling numb.

2ofsteds I hope today goes as ok as it can do for you.

Mum’s is tomorrow and I’m absolutely dreading it. If she had not been religious I think I’d have just had the most basic funeral possible with just me and the officials at the crematorium as the rest of it doesn’t really mean anything to me but I know it would have done to her so on I go.

I’ve just found out I need to go to something this evening that the church have organised which came as a shock, and feels like the funeral is being spread out over 2 days which I could really do without. But again it’s something Mum would have liked though so I’ll just have to get on with it for her sake.