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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My DH has died in a car crash today.

437 replies

Iwant2move · 01/12/2017 00:23

Is anyone up?

I can’t sleep.

My husband was killed in a car crash today.

We’d just moved house and he was so happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwant2move · 01/12/2017 00:32

Yes he is their father.

OP posts:
octoberfarm · 01/12/2017 00:32

I'm so, so sorry. Is there anyone who can be your shoulder to lean on? We're here if you want to talk about him Thanks

notangelinajolie · 01/12/2017 00:33

So sorry, what a terrible shock.

Whoyagonna · 01/12/2017 00:33

I wouldn't expect to sleep you poor thing. What a loss. Can you ring family and tell them that you need them?

hollowtree · 01/12/2017 00:35

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you are feeling. Sending up a Prayer for you Flowers

Original poster
Iwant2move · 01/12/2017 00:36

My best friend has said she will drop everything to be with me.

My parents are elderly and no longer able to drive.

My inlaws are close by. They came to the hospital with me. They are devastated. I feel so sorry for them losing their son.

OP posts:
user1471495191 · 01/12/2017 00:36

Oh my goodness. Just reading your thread title made my blood run cold. My heart goes out to you and your family. When did you hear? are your other children far away? It's at times like this you all need all the support you can get around you FlowersBrew

Apileofballyhoo · 01/12/2017 00:37

I'm so sorry. It's one of the most unfair things.
I know you feel you have to be strong for your son, but if you allow him see your grief, it gives him permission to grieve too, so don't feel bad. Go easy on yourself.
Flowers

Whoyagonna · 01/12/2017 00:37

I would take up your best friend's offer really. You need someone.

karmacoma1 · 01/12/2017 00:39

Your best friend sounds wonderful.

Is there a liaison officer or standard pc assigned to you yet to help guide you?

Original poster
Iwant2move · 01/12/2017 00:39

The police came round this afternoon and asked for me by name. He was airlifted to a hospital an hour and a half away. He was dead at the scene. They couldn’t bring him back.
I have to wait for an autopsy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwant2move · 01/12/2017 00:40

I have a police officer assigned.

OP posts:
Morphene · 01/12/2017 00:41

So sorry op, and glad to read someone can be with you. It isn't breaking down, its normal grief. If it overwhelms you for a period then so be it. Please don't add any guilt to your burdens. Flowers

QueenOfTheFlatPack · 01/12/2017 00:41

I feel so terribly sad for you. Please don't underestimate the power of shock and what it can do to usually rational people. Cry, rant, scream, wail, run, shout, or punch some cushions - whatever you need to lose some of the tension or numbness you are feeling. Please ask someone to be with you too, particularly for when you wake up and wonder if it was all a dream. My friend is six days ahead along the same road as you and she is only just starting to accept the reality of the his death and the 'foreverness' of it all. The next few days will be so very hard. Accept any and all help of food, lifts, phone calls etc. Surround yourself with people who loved him and love you, talk about him and grieve for the life and opportunities that have been taken from you both. Take care of yourself, and give yourself hugs from all of us who are thinking about you, especially tonight Thanks((((big hugs and lots of love))))

LongLostNaanBread · 01/12/2017 00:41

There are no words. You will be in absolute shock. Do ask your best friend to come round - she will want to be there with you. And please don’t feel you have to hold it together for your son - if you cry/scream/howl together, that is fine. Sending so much love and thoughts. Xxx

Original poster
Iwant2move · 01/12/2017 00:42

He was a huge heavy metal fan. Would it be disrespectful to have him dressed in a t shirt for his favourite band for his funeral?

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 01/12/2017 00:43

I'm so sorry. Could ils not stay with you?

Your other children must be so alone too have they got plans to travel home?

Charolais · 01/12/2017 00:43

I am so very sorry. This is just upsetting to read, I dread to think what you are going through right now. My heart goes out to you, your son and your in-laws and everyone who loves him.

user1471495191 · 01/12/2017 00:43

Have you told your other children? Hoping you can all find comfort / support in whatever way helps right now. I agree that your best friend sounds wonderful.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 01/12/2017 00:43

Op I know I'm repeating what others have said, but I'm thinking of you and will be up for a while yet if you want to talk. I'm so sorry this has happened x

Morphene · 01/12/2017 00:44

Of course it wouldn't be disrespectful! Please do what you want to and what you think he would have liked. Its impossible to be disrespectful if you are thinking of him.

Original poster
Iwant2move · 01/12/2017 00:44

The other two are coming home tomorrow/today.

OP posts:
Orangebird69 · 01/12/2017 00:44

I'm so sorry op Flowers. I lost my nephew in similar circumstances earlier this year. I'm still floored by it all now. I've no advice or any words of wisdom. But my thoughts are with you and your family xx

NatashaRomanov · 01/12/2017 00:44

I am so incredibly sorry. Flowers

Have his favourite band tshirt put on if that is what you and the children think he would have liked.
Do whatever you need to do.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 01/12/2017 00:44

Not disrespectful at all

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