Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

shiney 'stuff 'em' - really, really stuff 'em. Let the balloons go!!!

Once, at least 5 years ago, on MNet there was a thread going on about people who still talked about relatives or famous people, after they had died. Saying that it was time to 'move on' - I posted several times becoming more and more irate each time...I even had the audacity to challenge the 'MNet elite' - the posters who had been on MN for much longer than me and were highly respected. It ended up with me being banned from MN for a whole weekend but it was worth every swear word and every temper!!

'Move on?' Move on to where?

Someone wrote in a card, after Matt was killed, 'Put one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe.' Thats the best we can all do xxxxxxx

Shiney I hope today was a better day for you
In fact I hope that for all of you I hope today was a better day.
This morning I went to the cemetery to say hello to Azra's grave. On the graves of many people were beautiful sentiments left by the people who love them. Some of them had beautiful balloons. It makes the place look so much less gloomy and the peace it has brought people leaving them for their loved ones, surely that is worth something. My little dd is 6 years old. When she has been very sad about her baby sister It has brought her so much comfort and happiness to draw Azra a picture or write her note. It makes her feel closer. I didn't know about the wildlife at the time, maybe I will think differently now, I don't know. All I know is seeing my children hurting makes my pain all the more. I'd do anything to take that away from them. Maybe we will take the ballons to her grave from now on, and I can remove them when they are no longer any good. But there is something beautiful about watching those balloons get smaller and smaller, no longer visible to the eye, but you know they are still there.

Oh Shiney! Chicken pox are no fun! With one of my dc a gel called virasoothe was brilliant. For another baths in water ran through a sock stuffed with oats was a relief and the other I think it was baking soda in the bath. I hope they feel better soon, love them. I feel itchy just thinking about it.
Dd is doing much better, but is so frustrated not being able to write or draw. She was always busy making things rather than playing. She has plans to break her other arm next time

shiney oh dear! chicken pox are no fun, poor DT3 and DT1! Oatmeal baths I hear can help and they may make a lotion now, I'll have to double check but a speedy recovery to them! I am happy to hear you are doing better today, getting up from it can take a good bit out of us hugs and I love what shabbs said, 'stuff- em' I was laughing when I read that, i hope that's okay shabbs it made my day. Balloons are wonderful, especially if you can tie a special note to the end of them.

3littlebadgers I'm happy you were able to visit little Azra today, I know you've really been wanting to visit her hugs Poor DD, I can only imagine her frustration maybe she can use her fingers to paint and make some abstract creations? :D

Caider - glad it made you laugh - I also know several fantastic Greek swear words that I often use.

Some excellent news from our house....my youngest son, Tom, he was 18 in July got his first job today!! He has an apprentice office administration position at our local hospital. The NHS are paying for the one day a week at college and the rest of the training is done on the job. So excited for him. He refused to sign on to get JSA which I was very happy about. After a lifetime of myself and my hubby working, hubby had a very bad accident at work and is now on disability benefits. When Tom left college his Dad was dreading him having to go on benefits. BUT he has a job!!!!! So happy for him - good jobs for his age are like hens teeth up t'north.

xxx

shabbs I would love knowing those grecian swears, nothing more entertaining than watching an eyebrow and nonverbal 'what the hell' from the offending party, I myself could think of a deserving few :D Congrats on Tom's accomplishments too!

shiney i can't remember what chicken pox felt like, but if they are anything similar to shingles I can imagine them smarting a good bit, the best of luck to you and those poor little ones hugs And I agree with the quote, we are all the strongest women/families I know.

I myself am in the middle of an odd bind.

Issue 1 is that DH is nervous and scared about my upcoming trip to visit friends that requires a plane trip to and from. The reason he is scared is because I am bringing my DD Samantha with me( because I strongly fear leaving her behind and something awful befalling her like her big brother, a repeat of events which scares the life out of me.) He frets about if something will go wrong and he may lose us both, and he has explained to lose me would hurt but both would end him. I understand his fear but I know Samantha and I will be safe and my own fear is the reason I want her along to begin with. If i made arrangements for someone to watch her that does not have a pool I might consider it, however there are other ways of her getting hurt and I'm not sure I'm ready to just dive in and trust anyone but myself for such a long duration of 1 week trip far from home even if my visit would be easier to have with her home.

Issue 2 is the hardest. My DH is also asking me to talk and just about forgive a man who i find responsible for my son getting hurt, even if it was an accident. A short story is that when my son asked to go swimming again his father and I said no, I also noted he was obsessed with the pool and didn't want him anywhere near it, but this 'uncle' undermined me and told my son he could go swimming and to go get his things....and guess what..my son did and I blame this action heavily because had I not been undermined my son would have been watched better..To be short I hate this man with my whole entirety and I do not want him near my daughter or me, even if it was an accident i feel this undermined action was the root cause ever since I learned it. My therapist feels I am in the right by not letting this man back into my life but DH who suffers from remorse feels that this 'uncle' figure and friend has been suffering enough and that DH wants to shoulder all the blame, it is wrong because this man undermined us. I think it stems from his survivors remorse that he isn't thinking clearly, but I just can't! I do not know how to drive this into my DH's head to make him understand,I really do not know what to do.

MALAKER (pronounced Mal - ah - ker) you have to half shout this at people who are really getting on your bits....it is very fulfilling to shout this at people....especially if they have never been to Greece on holiday

It just means BANKER but with a different letter at the beginning

I will try to think of a new word each day.....Night ladies (or Kale Nikta)

I've just shouted MALAKER at the fish, that'll teach 'em, having such a loud pump! I, strangely feel much better for it.

Shiney, I hope the dt's are feeling much better. Had dd2 had chickenpox before? I heard the older you are the worse it gets.

Shabbs a big congratulations to Tom that is wonderful news, and great to know he will be working and training at the same time. The best of both worlds.

Caider I completely understand you not being able to forgive the uncle figure. You are perfectly entitled to feel angry, and indeed my maternity psychologist lady would even say that it was healthy. Maybe there will come a time when you feel ready, maybe not, but you are the only person who can make that decision and I think it is important you are not pushed into it, otherwise it could cause you to bury some very important feelings which will cause you damage in the long run.

As for the trip. I too would be desperate for dd to be with me. I think it would be good for her too. I can also understand how you DH is worried. I think a good number of bereaved parents must go through this. I know whenever DH has taken the children to school of something my heart has been in my mouth until I hear back that everyone is ok.

Hope everyone else is doing alright and looking forward to the weekend x

Shiney Oh no, chicken pox how miserable! Poor little ones, and poor you what a lot of stress. I'm so sorry you don't have anyone to help right now. Hang in there -- thinking of you, and wishing I could help.

shabbs Congratulations to your son Tom! That is so great for all of you.

Caiderbugsmom I'm with 3littlbadgers on this ... you can't and shouldn't make yourself forgive or be involved with this person, just because someone else wants you to. You need to do things on your own terms, in your own time, and if that is never, then that is what it is.

I also would want my child with me on the trip, but I understand how your husband feels. I feel like it has already happened once, so it could happen again, and I am forever thinking the worst.
But it doesn't stop me from actually doing things, and I definitely wouldn't want to be apart from DC for too long.
Good luck.

Oh poor dc's I hope dt1 is being kept comfortable in hospital love him I will be thinking of you x

Thank you all ladies for your amazing support, sadly it took be breaking down for DH to back down about the whole idea and leave me alone. Later I did reassure him we would be safe and he seems to have calmed down about the trip too.

shiney wishing you and your little ones the best and I hope they make a speedy recovery!

I hope its Ok for me to post here.

Today is the anniversary of my son's passing, 18 years ago, aged 17 days. Hardly anyone remembers him, to be honest at the time sympathy and support were very thin on the ground so I don't think I've ever really allowed myself to grieve properly. It's also the 7th anniversary of my H starting an online affair with an ex mutual friend. Really really struggling and I just want to allow myself to howl and scream and walk for miles and miles, but 2 teenagers here need me and a new puppy needs me.

Thanks for letting me say what I can't say anywhere else.

siencyn of course it is okay, you are welcome to say, rant, gripe, cry and do anything else you need to here with us. We're happy to have you and we're all wishing it was under different circumstances, but we're here for each other. Sending you loving thoughts and wishes from here hugs It is important to grieve no matter how long it has been or how soon it has been, we're here for you and you feel free to let it all out, ok?

Siencyn welcome, although I wish dearly you didn't have to be here. Would you like to tell us anything about your tiny boy?
Everyone here has really helped me to get through this past year, I am sure they will be a massive support to you too. Here the children that we don't get to hold are just as important as the ones that we do.

Thanks both - wish I could talk about it but it's still so raw even this long after. I feel so angry that I had to be the one to ring around and arrange the funeral - H was a wash out and the rest of our families just disappeared. I want to grieve and feel sad for my little boy but instead Im consumed with anger

Siencyn The funeral is one of the hardest parts, i'm so sorry you had to do it alone like that hugs You have every right to be angry and shame on them for being the way they have been, there is no excuse! But do take time out to grieve, you can be both angry and sad but you need to focus on your wellbeing too and not let the internal pain and anger tear you apart, sadly we have to work through it one piece at a time to get to where we are okay. Sometimes I have to time and schedule when I can cry and let it all out, maybe setting aside a time during the day or evening when everyone is down or about to give you the time you need will work for you too? hugs I wish you the utmost best and I hope I can be of any help.

Anger is a part of it, as hard as that sounds. I think we all have to feel anger sometimes as part of processing it all. When you do feel ready to talk about him we are here for you.
Afm I just had to go past the cemetery on the way back from getting the food shop in. DH has been at work all day, and I am without a car since the crash. It was just so dark I know I have no choice to leave her there but I just feel rotten about it. My poor little daughter

3littlebadgers Wishing you the best.

I hope all the ladies here are doing well today.

Sciencyn I'm so sorry you didn't have much support at the time. Anger is normal and understandable ... do take time for yourself, and share here when you want.

3littlebadgers Thinking of you ...

Shiney Poor little ones, and poor you! That is a lot to manage ... I hope everyone is feeling better soon.

Caider I'm glad things have worked out with your husband. Best wishes.

woodViolets Thank you and I sure am glad too, it's a hard thing to ask of me and I usually compromise for the better good of both but not that. He's been sweet and has even said he wants to renew our vows on our 10th anniversary which will be in 2 years time. It was very sweet and lifted my spirits a good deal, so I'm really okay so far. However if I could get my embroidery machine to behave i'd be even less annoyed, But DD loves watching it go so. I hope that it's okay to share some of the positives going on, I feel bad bombarding everyone with only negatives most the time, if this does upset anyone please let me know because it is not my intent to do so hugs

How is everyone?

shiney how are the little ones?

3littlebadgers how are you today?