Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

doublebubblebubble
Family should be the first line of people to come rushing to give support; love and the best they can offer, especially such a time when your sweet heart was being creamated. I'm am appalled she would be so selfish and take it out on your DD like that, I agree you, your DD and little DS are better off without such a negative person like that hugs As am I better off without my step-mother and father, it will be difficult and another hard first I've ever had to do but it must be done because the last thing I ever want is for any more emotional abuse and blame for something that hurts me deeper than anything else has in my life. His little sissy needs to be away from such people and not see how mommy gets mistreated so she can be strong and grow up not putting up with such things either.

shineyshoes10
oh my goodness! That is one of the most rotten things I've heard of a father doing yet! I'm so sorry he put you through that and Im happy for you and your mum finding happiness without such negativity to boot!

Thank you ladies for putting my worries at ease, I knew it was wrong what they were doing and I was in such shock that my father wouldn't stand up for me. i have found out she has been making his life hellish the past week and he just backs down and puts up with it, I honestly feel sorry for him because no spouse should be treated that way in my opinion but it's his own battle to fight as they say.

Oh Caider, Shiney and Double, I hope you all have loved ones that more than make up for the ones that have turned out to be less than supportive. Some people just have no idea.
Afm dd1 is doing well, she is still in a lot of pain but is so much happier being at home. I'm thinking to keep her off school until she has a proper can't put on on the 11th. At the minute it is like an old school plaster cast on the underside of her arm and a softer version on the top because of the swelling. I'd be terrified it'd be knocked.
I'm feeling very guilty as I have not been to Azra's grave since the accident. I feel like I am choosing one child over the other DH will be off by the weekend so hopefully we can go then.

3littlebadgers don't feel guilty lovely, I'm sure Azra would understand that her big sister needs you more than ever right now and that you will visit soon as all is well. I'm so happy to hear she is doing better! I think waiting till a proper hard cast is put on to return to school is a good idea, I can imagine how everything needs to sit to mend properly. Thankfully I do have a strong family to fall back on with my in-laws. I find it funny how I get along so warmly with my in-laws over my family when in many cases it is the other way around. I'll be okay as I hope everyone here is too

Shiney It does feel hard to know what to do now, but try to trust yourself to know what you need. Hope you had a good talk with your brother.

And what an awful thing to come from your dad! So sorry you had to deal with that as well.

Caider I am so sorry about the situation. I haven't dealt with anything so blatant, but what I have learned from my situation is to not feel bad for avoiding/cutting off people. You have to take care of yourself.

Badgers Thinking of your daughter ... poor dear. And try not to feel guilty -- moms have so much to juggle, and your little one would understand, I'm sure. Take care.

My thoughts are with everyone ...

Shiney your DB sounds lovely and wonderful. I am glad you can't hide your feelings from him, that in itself can be exhausting and we all need someone who will just accept us with all our lows.
Azra's headstone's layout came in the post today. We ordered it a good few months ago and they said at the time they would send it but I just didn't expect it. Seeing her name on the drawing of a headstone just made me so sad. My poor baby girl. The words we have chosen just don't seem enough. I know it is because nothing will ever seem good enough but still.

Thank you ladies. The past two days I've been at my lowest. Halloween was Caiden's favorite holiday and I'm missing him terribly. I tried not to muddle the day and tried to let DD have some good fun without me obsessing the best I could and I know it isn't fair to say this; but without my son halloween seemed so lackluster to me, DD is too small to trick or treat and the very spirit of halloween around my area seems to be disappearing altogether too. Best thoughts to everyone.

shineyshoes10 a garden sounds lovely! and I'm happy you have someone there who understands you so well.

3littlebadgers how are you feeling? sending you hugs

Oh Caider I am sure Caiden was with you in spirit during Halloween. It must be so hard to have to live through something so special to him, without him when all you want is for him to be there with you. Sending big hugs to you.
We're all doing better. I have signed the head stone layout and posted it today so there is no changing our mind now, and the next time I see it will be on her first birthday when they put it on her tiny grave! I feel less sad by it now. It will be something new of Azra in a world where very little of Azra will ever be new.
Dd has been signed off school until after her appointment on the 11th so at least I have her to keep me company love to all of you amazing women and love to all of these beautiful children gone too soon x

Thank you ladies, I'm very fortunate to have you all to come to when I need someone and vice versa. I'm doing a little better now that a few days have passed and I can resume sewing and other projects I put up during everything.

3littlebadgers I'm happy you are doing well as is your DD who is recovering.

shineyshoes Thank you, thankfully DD is thriving and is in good spirits which in turn helps me when I'm sinking. She's my little sunshine and certainly keeps me on my toes. I think Christmas will be a little bit easier since she can participate and we've made plans to include her big brother.

How is everyone doing today?

Shiney I am here my lovely, did anything trigger the lowness? Is there anything you want to talk about.

Shiney Here is a hand. Sorry you have been having some rough days. Thinking of you.

Oh darling I went out of that thread too I wish so much I didn't. We have so little to be able to do for our children and now it seems we can't send them a balloon either.
Do you want you talk about the flashbacks?
I am sorry you are having a hard time of it, I so wish you weren't. Ypu are very much in my thoughts my lovely

the flashbacks can be hellish. I wish I knew how to help you Shiney but I don't have the answers my lovely, I don't know why we have them or when they will stop. I wish so much we'd get flashbacks of the good bits, the bits we'd want to relive. All I can do is hope that tonight and tomorrow are easier for you

I'm so sorry -- sounds like you have so much to deal with. Do you have anyone to help with your husband working late?
Flashbacks can be really terrible -- there are just always too many whys and what ifs that can never be answered now.
Terribly sorry about DT3, and DT1 ... my DS2 has been a nightmare lately as well.
Sending a hug your way. Wish I could help.

Evening girls xx

I still get flashbacks....I get real envy when I see someone with twins - I am fascinated by them. I still cannot cross behind a vehicle that I think is going to reverse - I do strange things like pretending I wasnt going to cross anyway. I dont think we would be human if we didnt react to things like we do. The death of a child, no matter what age, is a totally life changing, awful, awful thing to happen. My love to you ladies who are in the 'early stages' of this awful road we are all travelling along. xxx

shiny sending you hugs and a hand. I've never done this before but if anyone wants to talk or live chat I am offering my Skype, I know it isn't much and we all are in very different time zones but I'm willing to be there if a voice can help when I can, meggan.walsh is my Skype . I'm not familiar with the helium balloon issue, what's going on?

I'm wishing all of you wonderful ladies strength and a better day to come

shiney and all ladies I'm so sorry there were individuals being, well, basically trolls to you. Do the balloons or the bio degradable chinese lanterns if you can, I just can't understand the drive of some individuals to be nonsensical and unnecessarily harsh over something so innocent for a wonderful sentiment.