Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

I'm nearly two years into this path of grief, it seems harder than before. My relationship with dh at an all time low. It's like we're on different planets. People process everything so differently. I'm so lost.

And so anxious.

Neverending - so sorry you are feeling this way. Im 34 and 24 years 'down the line' now from the loss of my sons but, every now and then, it hits me again and sends me spiralling down a 'black hole.' There is no death so sad as that of a child. xxx

Shiney I really dont think you will be able to find a middle ground. I think, personally, that you have to have one of those times where each person puts their hand up to speak.....then you will get 'I feel heartbroken' 'I feel OK' and 'I dont know how to feel.' In my experience its good to voice a different way of thinking. I also love writing down how I feel....maybe each person could say how they feel and then talk about it?

Just watched bloody Jeremy Kyle telling a bereaved Mum how she needed to 'move on!!!!!!!' Where is this 'move on' place? 34 and 24 years since my sons died....I still remember every last detail about them....the smell of their skin when they were tiny babies, their smiles, their amazing eyes, and how 'gobsmacked' I was when I got four sons - girls terrify me lol and I always wanted a houseful of boys.

He sat with this poor woman who had lost her little boy five years ago, he watched her sob and then gave her the 'magic advice' of 'moving on.'

No, what we all do, is put on our 'Elanor Rigby' face (thanks to the Beatles for an amazing song) we 'put on our face that we keep in a jar by the door'

If our telly wasn't my Dads and I could afford to replace it I would have put my foot through it by now!!

Very quiet on here.....hope everybody is as OK as possible. xxx

Hello. I had a thread about my 7 month old daughter who I lost 3 weeks ago. I know it's early days for me but I just can't see this getting easier. Please let me know what helped you during your early days. I'm grateful this thread exists but also so sad it has to.

So very sorry to hear about your daughter Leapling. There is no death so sad as that of a child - no matter what age. Im glad you found us but, as you say, sad that this thread exists. Myself and a few other MN bereaved Mums started this about 10 years ago. It is very quiet at the moment, but there is always somebody 'around' who will reply.

I lost one of my twin sons, 34 years ago. He was born with severe heart problems and managed to get to 7 months old before we lost him, suddenly, one morning. 10 years later my DS3 (who was almost 8 years old) was killed by a reversing lorry which crushed him to death. Time does change things but, still now I can have days packed with panic attacks.

I think just talking about my sons has helped. You kind of find your own way 'through it' and some days are much harder than others. It took me a long time before I could think about my boys and smile at memories.

Would you like to tell us about your daughter? Its totally OK if you dont want to, or feel ready to. xxxxx

Hello everyone

I've been a lurker on this thread since December 2014 when my - then - only daughter passed away suddenly at 17 months. I had another little girl just two weeks ago. When I first lost my daughter I found it exceptionally difficult and painful to read about other people being pregnant and having children, so I apologise if what I write is upsetting to anyone (I'm thinking of you in particular Leapling), but I don't know where to turn. I was part of an online group for those who lost their only child but I left part way through my pregnancy.

Does anyone know of any online groups (perhaps on facebook?) for parents of rainbow babies / children?

I feel triggered in every direction today... everything I see and think about brings up horrendous, anxious, painful emotions and physical feelings. I wish I could go for a run (exercise being a major coping strategy since we lost my daughter) but I had a c section 2 weeks ago so my body is completely depleted... we have family visiting and obviously I have a small baby who needs every single second of my attention so I have limited space to be with my feelings. I love my second daughter, but it is a major adjustment and I am struggling to bond with her.

Leapling I am so desperately sorry to hear about your daughter. At 3 weeks, I was catatonic with grief and could not leave the house (or the sofa). It took me about 6 weeks to leave the house. I was lucky to have people around to make that possible in a way (ie. to do shopping). The feelings change, they never go away, but the pain changes into something else which is... less raw? Less cutting and searing. I sat and read inane articles on the internet about random topics I'm interested in, stayed away from people's updates on facebook, and did a little writing every day (including lists of what had helped me survive the day before). I watched what TV I could (documentaries were usually the safest), and saw friends and family who were able to just sit and be without talking, unless I needed it. I avoided people who couldn't shut up or tried to 'fix' things.

I found reading about child loss and talking to others who had experienced something similar helpful because it made me feel less alone. Please send me a PM (I am not on MN too often but if you PM I will get an email) if you want to talk more or if you want a list of things I read which I found helped. I would be more than happy to connect.

Lots of love to everyone xo

I lost my 17 year old son on Christmas Eve. If I get to 7.30am without thinking about him, it's unusual.

Congratulations on your new baby figs but I understand it must be difficult after losing a little girl. I'm sorry I can't point you to any groups but so many talk of a rainbow baby so I'm sure they're out there.

What you describe is exactly how it feels right now. I'm in a daze and still can't believe it a lot of the time. I've had some great support from here and family. It helps talking to others who have lost a child as it's just so difficult for people to understand if they haven't been there.

shabbs 7 months feels like such an awful age although no age would've been good. I felt like I was just learning who she was and she had got to the point where she knew me. I can't even imagine how hard it must've been to go through it twice. My little boy is all that's keeping me going now.

This thread, and all the posts I've seen today for baby loss awareness just makes me lose faith in the world. So much sadness.

Jankwers - so sorry to hear such sad news about your son. Tell us about him, if you want to. I like telling people about my lads.....no pressure though if you dont feel you want to.

After I lost Gareth & Matt someone sent me a card.....inside they had put 'one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe'....I often think how true that is. xx

Figs I will ask around my friends to see if anyone knows of any groups that would help. xxxx

Figs - Compassionate Friends have their own facebook page. I got a lot of help from CFriends when my boys died. Worth having a look at their page. Will still keep looking for you though xxx

Hello, we lost our darling girl suddenly just over month ago. She was 4 3/4. She had an underlying genetic condition but was otherwise a healthy and happy little girl so this was a huge shock. Our bodies are in total shock and our minds haunted by the terrible final moments in the hospital. She was our only child, the house is in eerie silence. We've had lots of support but each day is both a roller coaster and a new challenge. We miss our gorgeous Phoebe with every fibre of our beings..,

klmnop - so very sorry to hear about your precious girl. As I always say 'I'm glad you found our thread but so sorry that you have had to.

Even though we still had our eldest son after his two brothers died I totally identify with the 'eerie silence.'

Phoebe sounds like she was a lovely little girl xxxxx

Dearest klmnop... I'm so so sorry. I remember being exactly where you are. It is agony, if you are even able to feel anything - I was catatonic with shock and grief a month into the journey.

Our daughter Sophie also had a genetic condition, we didn't know about it until after she died and had no idea she was unwell.

There is a facebook group I used to be a member of for parents who have lost their only or all their children. If you want I can put you in touch with the admin of the group. It is a very supportive environment.

Do get in touch if you would like to talk anymore... . you're not alone.

Thinking of you xo

It is almost 8 weeks since my darling son died.
The funeral is over and I have put away all the sympathy cards.
There are 4 vases of flowers left - they will last a few more days.
Then I will just have his photograph.

I have to get through the inquest, then Christmas, then his birthday.
Please can I join you all here?

Hello end

So sorry to hear about your son. My DDs funeral was on Tuesday and like you, the cards are now away and the final flowers on their way out. We had so many flowers that I'm glad to get rid of them as they're just a reminder. It's feels so flat for me after the funeral - just nothing now. How are you finding it?

Hi Leapling
I am just getting through a day at a time. I can't seem to cope with doing more than one task a day.
I have DD home for half term, but she has arranged quite a lot of outings with friends - which is good, because it won't do her any good to sit in the house.
DS2 is going travelling in a couple of weeks.
The house will be so quiet.
DH is keeping busy as much as possible.
I daren't look too far ahead TBH.

So sorry about your DD.

It's hard when you have other children to look after. My DS has just turned 3 and DH is putting everything into looking after him which is great as I can't right now.

Like you, I focus on one task and then I have no energy. Life is so draining and I think about DD all the time. But one task is ok. And one day at a time is all we can do.

It's been a month today for me and I am not crying as much as I was. I've also accepted I can't change what's happened. These are massive steps.

Can you look back to 8 weeks ago and see any progress? I can't look forward too far as all I see is a life without her but knowing I've come this far helps me know I can keep going, a day at a time.