Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

658 replies

LilyTheSavage · 30/07/2015 20:49

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

OP posts:
LilyTheSavage · 27/03/2016 09:34

Morning everybody.

I'm feeling very unshiney as well. Mojito - you've described how I"m feeling perfectly. Flat and adrift. Very tearful for no particular reason.

Keep breathing and this will pass. Flowers

OP posts:
shabbs · 28/03/2016 01:01

Oh its not just me then.......my DH loves John Denver and our lads loved his songs as well.....

One of the lines of one of his songs is 'Lost and alone on some forgotten highway, travelled by many, remembered by few............I feel like I am on that highway and also feel lost and alone. xxxx

Shineyshoes10 · 29/03/2016 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mojito100 · 01/04/2016 14:11

Shiney - I shouldn't talk on behalf of others but please know you aren't alone in what you are feeling. We understand how hard it is just to get up and keep going each day after a loss like we have suffered.

I know what your struggles are like and I remember those incredibly dark times when it seemed almost impossible to put one foot in front of the other let alone care for other DC's. It lasted quite a few years for me but finally my darling DS2 is making enormous headway and I can breathe slightly easier than I have done before.

It's not an easy road and I am certainly no expert but do message me if you want to talk. What took me years to under stand was that he was completely in sync with my moods which seesawed from high to low so much it was dizzying. By managing myself I have allowed him a level of stability he didn't have which in turn has allowed him to move forward.

Mojito100 · 01/04/2016 14:14

To all if you on the eve of this weekend. I hope you find some brightness in your day to chase away the darkness.

I'm not as flat as I was last weekend but having 3 days sick leave from work has helped with that. They weren't true duvet days as I was busy running around but they were some well needed mental health days. I'll pay for it next week but I intend to make the most of it until Monday.

Thinking of you all.

WoodViolets · 01/04/2016 20:30

Thank you, Mojito Some mental health days can definitely be much needed. Hope you get some peace.

So sorry, Shiney Sending hugs. It is so hard to keep trudging on sometimes.

shabbs · 09/04/2016 09:49

Sorry I haven't been on here for so long. Hope you are all doing OK xxx

cathpip · 14/04/2016 20:23

I have been hiding back in Wiltshire with my family, the 10th April was Pippas 2nd anniversary of her death. Never would I have thought that in two years I would lose a child, have two babies, move house, do a massive extension and get a divorce........a peaceful day surrounded by people that love me was precisely what was needed.

WoodViolets · 15/04/2016 14:23

cathpip I am so glad you were able to have that kind of support on such a difficult day.
Hope things with the move have gone as well as they could ... best wishes.

shabbs · 06/05/2016 12:58

Hello girls. Im so sorry I haven't posted for so long....'life' has kind of got in the way. Hope you are all OK xxx

Mojito100 · 06/05/2016 14:20

Hello all. Life has also gotten in the way for me too Shabbs. I've been up more than down lately but had a couple of rough patches this week. No rhyme or reason to it just having the odd day where I need a damn good cry but it just won't come.

I'm struggling to understand how we ever reconcile the loss we have suffered. Some days seem to pass quicker than others but no matter how much time passes that pain is only a small scratch away from the surface. Yes it changes different shades but never leaves and fundamentally always seems as bad as that very first moment they passed. I think I'm mixing metaphors terribly but everything is churned up inside and articulating the jumble and confusion of emotions is difficult.

It's Mother's Day for me here this weekend. I think I'm feeling down at the moment because another day passes where I don't get a scrappy card or a God damn awful hand made gift from my precious little girl. She never had the chance to give me even one. Well F* you world is what I want to scream right now.

shabbs · 07/05/2016 12:55

Almost my Matts 24th remember day Sad

shabbs · 10/05/2016 09:18

Well the day is here - 24 years since my Matt was killed. It seems like a 100 years ago and then as if it just happened.

I miss you my lovely third son - I miss your quirky personality, your funny way of pronouncing the sound of some letters, your love of every girl at school, your enthusiasm. You once told me that you 'woved' - Vincent Van Gogh (Mam he was barking mad, cut his ear off!!) Egypt and the pyramids - even though he had never been. I miss your skinny little legs and your hair that you used to have 'piked up' (spiked) I miss your twinkly eyes, your sense of humour, your laugh - in fact I miss everything about you.

I wish I could see, even for a short time, the man you have become - soon it will be your 32nd birthday in June. Dont rest in peace my sweet boy - give them hell in heaven. xxx

meeliesmum · 11/05/2016 23:28

Thinking of you Shabbs xx

mistycat · 18/05/2016 07:05

Hello all x

Can I join?

xxx

mistycat · 18/05/2016 07:13

My beautiful gentle son died suddenly in a tragic accident 11 days ago. He was 20 and away at uni, studying geology. It happened on a field trip by the coast. Today he is back in London and I will see him for the first time.
I have three other younger sons, two with cystic fibrosis. I'm not sure how I keep going? I am lost and broken.

Sending all my love to you all xxxxx

darumafan · 18/05/2016 08:58

I used to post under another name: mumof2teenboys. It's nearly four years since James died. Both of my parents have died since then, losing James killed something inside them.

I hurt, just as much as I did when he first died. I cope with everyday life, I go to work, I see my friends, I exist.

He was my first son, I will never really understand why he went the way he did.

I don't know what posting here is going to do, I needed to vent I suppose.

Shineyshoes10 · 18/05/2016 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shabbs · 18/05/2016 12:02

Welcome Mistycat - as I always say 'glad you found us but so sorry that you had to.' So very sorry to hear about your son, I know that 'pain' deep inside all of us Mums - we all try to help each other on this thread (it has existed on MNet for at least 9 years) sometimes its good to shout and scream here but we often have laughs together.

Daru - often think about you and wonder how you are doing. So very sorry to hear about your parents - the loss of my two boys had the same kind of effect on my Mam & Dad. It must be very hard for parents to watch their grown children grieving for their children.

darumafan · 18/05/2016 14:51

Shabbs Thank you for remembering me, your words and love helped so much in the early days. I feel very alone now, its just me, Moon and Sam. My sister is still as much use as she ever was, when mum was ill it all fell to me. Guess who is having to empty the house and execute the will?

Moon's mum has been very unwell since the summer, she was sectioned for a while and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That's an illness we know far too much about Sad

She is awful to us, she hates me with an undying passion. I can't even be in the same room as her anymore. She reported Moon to the police for assault, apparently he broke her back. Luckily the police understood that she was clearly unwell and although they took a statement have not taken it any further.

Moon is not coping with it all very well. My mum was diagnosed with cancer in May 2015 and his mum became unwell soon after, we took our eye off her for a few weeks whilst mum was backwards and forwards to the oncologists. Moon feels that if we had been paying closer attention, we would have seen that things were not right sooner.

He feels as though his mum is gone in some way, she isn't the woman I have known for 17 years. In some ways, we have lost both our mums.

All in all, life just keeps throwing crap at us and we keep plodding on. James' death was the beginning of a pretty awful 4 years.

shabbs · 18/05/2016 18:02

Im sure that I have told you (if I have just smile and nod at me!!) my precious Dad died 2 years ago due to oral cancer and Mum is in a nursing home now with advanced alzheimers - its so hard when 'the bosses' of the family are no longer around. xxx

darumafan · 18/05/2016 21:03

Mum died of throat and lung cancer. She was only diagnosed in May and died in November. Horrible, hateful disease.

Dad died from a huge brain haemorrhage, it was very sudden. He went to bed and never woke up.

Losing them both was shocking, dad was completely unexpected. Mum wasn't so much of a surprise but hurt so damn much. I'm an orphan now, I have lost the majority of my nuclear family in less than four years.

shabbs · 18/05/2016 21:27

terrifying stuff that we are all trying to live through isin't it? So sorry to hear such sad news my friend.

I was just sat here in my house, tv on quietly - just me and our dog sat on the sofa. I thought to myself....In the late 1970's my hubby and myself were running a pub in Stanmore, Middlesex. Working hard and earning good money - we were only in our early 20's. Then we went on an adventure to the USA!! Lived and worked there for six months. Eventually came home and my four children came along. Remember being so excited about the prospect of being a mum. Apart from those four wonderful boys the rest of our lives have been s**t. So much sadness and having to be 'brave' (hate that word) and that pretend smile for the benefit of other people. I miss my Dad to the point where I cant even get my own head around it. Right!!!! Im going to give myself a slap around the face and pin the pretend smile back on!!......oh maybe tomorrow.

darumafan · 18/05/2016 22:29

I'm on my own this evening, Moon is at the cinema and Sam is having drinks with his rugby team, they have just buried a team mate today. More sadness for him to deal with.

I get tired of being 'ok' people expect me to be by now. Losing mum and dad didn't really effect my friends attitude towards me. You are supposed to bury your parents so things were as they should be. Dad died 5 days after James's second anniversary, we spent that day together and then he was gone as well.

Bravery is an odd concept, are we brave? I don't feel brave, I feel bruised and battered by life. You are right, tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I can be brave then. Love and strength to you x

shabbs · 19/05/2016 12:39

I think 'brave' is the wrong word....I dont think I know the right word for our situations.............'bewildering?' 'disgusting?' 'horrible?' no, I dont think there is a word adequate enough to describe the loss of a child - no matter how old that child is or if that child was lost in pregnancy. xxx

Swipe left for the next trending thread