Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

Waving hello to you all. Hope you are all managing as best you can.

lily I'm also a hockey player, had a cracking game on the weekend :). Half marathon training going well, it's also my preferred distance. Dh or rather stbxh is continually trying to be nice as he realises what an arsehole he's been since Pippa, but I can't wait till the house sells and I can move back to family in Wiltshire with my boys, I need some distance from him.
Hope everybody is as well as can be expected. Xx

T

cathpip I echo what Shiney says about moving closer to your own family.

Shiney - I'm sorry you're feeling down. It's not surprising though. Is there anybody who could stay at home with your DS so that you can continue going to the counselling? It sounds as if you felt it was helping you and was a good outlet. The build up to the first anniversary (and any other notable days) is always so difficult.

I am building up to Paddy's memorial. It's going to be lovely to see people but the reason that they are going to be there is hard to bear.

Hi all,

It's been a while since i was here, under my previous incantation (deemented) but i thought i'd pop in and say hello. Sadly though, this board is full of new faces now, and i'm heart sorry that each and every one of you should be here. It's not fair nor right. But i'm glad that we have this place.

Sending huge cwtches to Shabbs, just because i love you, missus xxx

Thanks Shiney for your kind words. What an impossible situation for you. I'm so sorry you have to bear this as well. The LA are totally failing in their duty of care and their responsibilities. Outrageous. I am lost for words but can send hugs and a hand to hold. XXX

Shiney. You are going an amazing job of holding it all together even if it doesn't feel like that dome days. The counselling is your time to unload and just cry and cry if you need so I get why it is hard not to be able to go.

Hugs for you and all the others.

Afternoon girls. xx

Have missed you love - good to see you xxxx

Some dreadfully sad news in my best friends family. Her nephew and his partner had a little girl 2 months ago. They knew that the left hand side of her heart was not developed and that she was going to need open heart surgery. About a week ago they performed the surgery.....she was put into an induced coma, then progressed to the high dependency ward and was just on oxygen. Very suddenly last week we were told that she had just 24 hours to live - she sadly lost her courageous fight a couple of hours later.

My friend is distraught. Her house has become a focal meeting point for all the family and there are a 'lot of them!!' Everybody thought that she would survive the operation and come home. I just sat in the middle of everybody with blobby tears and thinking about my lads - which sounds so selfish but it wasn't meant that way. Now this young couple have begun to walk this crappy path that we are all walking........if there is a God, may he help them along the path.

This is a strange and difficult life for so many people xxxxxx

My sympathies Shabbs. I have had to stop reading the news as too many stories are of another young souls taken far too soon. All I can think about is the families now facing all we do and have. It is just too common and too many walk this path.

Mojito - I just keep thinking about 'after the funeral' (its next Wednesday) the time when people stop ringing, texting and getting in touch.....because, quite rightly I suppose, they are getting on with their own lives.

Then the long, hard, slog of bereavement begins

Do know what you mean about the news - it seems like every news bulletin has more sadness about children/young people xxxx

I'm so very sorry to hear about your bfs terrible loss shabbs.

Fucking LA. Isn't there anything that you can do to force their hand Shiney. You must be incandescent with frustration, and you simply don't need that as well as dealing with your own grief and being able to mourn your DD and support your DS too. Fuckers!

Lily said it all - fuckers! It sums up my mood tonight perfectly.

I am so sorry, shabbs Thinking of you and your friends.

Shiney, I am so sorry -- what an awful situation for you all. I am keeping you in my thoughts.

-- everyone

Shiney - Thank you for the Internet cake. Just what I needed. Good on you. You are the only advocate for your son and it is an incredibly lonely place to be when everyone is hammering at you and making you feel you are failing. It is worth the long haul. He will get help and he will turn the corner. I know this because you care as much as I fo got my DS and it was only through hard work and persistence that he is in such a better place. I wish it hadn't taken 5 years to figure out he had attachment disorder. Have you read up on this to see if it relates to your DS.

I was told he had oppositional defiant disorder, he was just naughty and a whole range of other things before I found out his behaviour was driven by extreme anxiety about being left and also a lack of distrust of adults.

Lily - remembering your wonderful son on this day.

If I am correct it is his birthday and his memorial hockey day today. I know you will be strong for others but do allow yourself a damn good cry and a number of "WHY" moments.

Thank you very much shiney. I'm exhausted after another night courtesy of Mr Insomnia. Fed up with waking at 3am and then my mind buzzing so much that I have to get up and do something. I guess that's one of the very few advantages of my DH working overseas.

I still keep thinking about how many of Paddy's friends came together to talk about him and remember him.

Today (Leap Years Day) is actually Paddy's due date but he decided to stay where he was until he was eventually born on March 7th. I'm counting down to his birthday. So many sad little reminders..... as if we bloody need reminding.

Feeling sad today. Exhausted too. It's just one of those weeks where it is an effort to put one foot in front of the other.

DS2 reverting to some of his old behaviours so that means even more focus and energy required to get him back on track.

I wrote a long post yesterday and it's disappeared. I obviously didn't press post.

I was so sorry to read about DS2 Mojito. He's done so brilliantly the last few months and his good behaviour was very much more the norm than before. You've done an amazing job getting him back on track and your calmness and focus have been a wonderful help. Remember that when you're feeling like this. He's been through so much and has made such massive strides that he's bound to slip sometimes. He's come so far. Remind him about how great he felt when he was doing well and how he loved all the positive attention.

Hang on. It'll come right again.

Just popping in to say hello and sending love to all of you. Haven't been on MN for a while.