Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[LilyTheSavage]

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

soy No not at all! I haven't been on daily due to packing and rechecking everything for my trip with DD tomorrow. I'm really happy that things are starting to go in your favor with your DC's school. How are you today?

wood That is lovely! I'm so happy his class wants to celebrate his special day, I'm so happy to hear it. How is your DH and your little one doing?

For my DD things have turned around for the better, fortunately the teeth have been breaking through so her discomfort isn't for too long at the moment. She has also beaten her cold! :D so little miss and I are prepping for our trip tomorrow and with all the chaos I'm hoping it all goes well. Thank you for the sympathetic reassurance about DD, it is so easy to get into a tailspin when my panic attacks hit me.

3badgers Thank you SO much for sharing that information, in a strange way I am relieved it is a normal thought process to work through rather than it becoming a delusional and psychotic break down on the horizon as I was fearing it to be.

shiny thank you too hugs how are the little ones doing?

Forgive me if I missed anyone, I haven't had the time to read too far back with my packing and all the shenanigans that are being piled onto my plate with this trip and plans.

Soy Great news about the school, and so glad the new guy managed well meeting everyone. I'm sure that can be stressful! Hope things are starting to go in the right direction for you.

Caider Thank you! DH is doing okay, thank you -- getting around and doing things I don't think he should be doing with his injured back, of course (men ...). DS2 is doing better as well ... I think he has been reassured, for now, at least.
So glad your DD is doing better. Good luck with preparations, and your trip. I hope everything goes smoothly, that you can find some calm -- try not to worry too much (easier said than done, I know). Thinking of you.

Hello everyone sorry for not posting for so long, sometimes it's hard to know what to say, or how to say it.
I got through the first anniversary and now I his birthday comes next month. I can't concentrate on anything. It's like my head is full of wool.
Thank you for giving me a safe place to come.

Shiney Thank you. Yes, family Sigh.

So sorry you had some terrible days. Thinking of you and DS. Hugs.

Neverending Hi - so sorry you are dealing with such a rough time. We're here to "listen". Take care.

Morning girls xx

My youngest son (he is 18) is going for his induction day today....his first ever job. Its at the hospital about 15 minutes walk from our house. I am so excited for him - he worked hard at school and college and has got an apprenticeship office admin position.

My eldest son (34 in December) will qualify as a chartered accountant early next year and he works for local council.

I am petrified of both of them going to work.....for some strange reason I have got it into my head, after the atrocities in Paris, that we are going to have the same here......and that they will bomb local authority buildings and hospitals?????????????

I think I need to have a word with my head!!!

Sat here, silently praying to a God that I dont even believe in and asking him to keep my lads safe.....

Shabbs Well, first, a big congratulations for both your sons! That is wonderful, and you must be very proud.

But, I think a mother always worries, and after a loss, and all the horrible things that have been happening, it is even easier to imagine the worst.
Sending you lots of hugs, and prayers for very safe, successful careers for your boys.

Oh Shabbs, I don't think you are alone. When Azra first died I used to sit down and try and remember all of the little things that I could be grateful for and now instead I sit and pray like mad that my loved ones just stay safe. I am in a perpetual blind panic that we are all doomed. Your sons have done so well, I hope they have very long and boringly normal happy lives ahead of them .

Soy, the ht sounds wonderful, I hope they really make a difference for you.

Wood I think it is so lovely that school are remembering DD's birthday, what a special boy he must have been.

Shiney I hope today has been a little better for you all? Do the hospital have any idea when you will be allowed home?

Caider Hope the trip plans are going well.

Neverending I am sorry it is all co ink at once for you. Do you have any plans for his birthday? How did you spend his anniversary?

Afm, dd got her pins out today, which she found distressing, but she now is the proud owner of a pink and sparkly cast, and she is allowed back in school tomorrow! I feel a bit nervous about it to be honest. I have clung on to the fact that I have her to worry about and care for, it has given me a focus other than fear of another stillbirth, and the loss I have for Azra.

Oh Shiney, is there anything that you need? Do you have your own room at the hospital or is it a ward? The couple of nights I was in with dd we got no sleep from the comings and goings so I can only imagine how physically as well as mentally draining it must be for you both.
No plans for tomorrow, I'm sort of in shock to think I will be on my own again. All this time I thought I was caring for dd1 but now that she is going back to School I actually think she was looking after me! I will go and see Azra and spend a good bit of time at the grave, I have been a bit neglectful and it might do me some good just to sit and be quiet and let myself think and process things again. It's a bit scary though. My head is definately not a fun place to be right now

Perfect sense

Toms induction day went well. He is the only man (little lad lol) in the department - all the ladies have been mothering him. He will be given an official start date over the next few days - they do extensive checks at the hospital. He cannot wait to start. Thank you all so much for your kind words. xxx

Morning girls - everybody ok? xx

Hello.
Today would have been my son's 7th birthday, and it has been just over 9 months since he has been gone.
He was a really sweet, outgoing boy, who loved people. He thought everyone he met could be a new best friend. He loved soccer and (American) football, and had way too much energy.
It is still hard to believe that a little boy could be out playing in the snow one week, and dying the next.
I miss him always, but today is very difficult.

shabbs So glad things went well for Tom. A mom will always worry. Hugs

Shiney You sound like a very strong woman. Thinking of you and your little guy. Hope you are managing some time to just rest ...

badgers I bet DD is a star at school with such an awesome cast. Hope you are doing okay ...

Wood, you and your beautiful son are very much in my thoughts today. he sounds like an amazing child. Happy 7th birthday to him and to you. I hope he is smiling down on you with all of our angel children. Sending you the biggest of hugs

Happy Birthday to your little lad woods - sorry I am a day late. He sounds a lovely lad....I always think of all our children together and it is a comfort.

xxxxxx

Thank you so much badgers Shiney and shabbs
Made it through the day. So many people remembered DS -- it was quite touching.

Hope you all are doing alright today.

Apologies if you have heard it before, but I just stumbled across this song for the first time and it said it perfectly m.youtube.com/watch?v=pHiq3lfw9mc

That's lovely, thanks 3

Shiney He did make so many friends, even though he was only 6. People came up to me at the funeral who knew him, who I hadn't even known!
Thanks.

I am so glad DT1 has been so good, and that is wonderful that you were able to talk to the chaplain. Don't feel guilty ... it doesn't matter what/if you believe -- the chaplains are there to help. And talking through things with someone can be helpful to sort through your thoughts and feelings. I hope you find it helpful. Best wishes.

Shiney how did it go with the chaplain today?

[Waves to everyone else]

The maternity psychologist is taking me to the delivery suit tomorrow. I've not been there since we said hello and goodbye to Azra. I know I need to do it before this little fella's birth, but I just feel so scared of all of the emotions that it'lol stir up.

3 Good luck tomorrow. I'm sure that could be emotional. Hope all goes well.