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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Loss, love and lack of support

352 replies

Mojito100 · 06/02/2014 13:56

I'm not sure truly where this post should go. It was the anniversary of my daughters passing last week. She has been gone 5 long years which is now longer than she graced me with her presence. It is her birthday next week and as others in this forum would understand I get up and go on each day but underneath I am dead and purely executing the emotions expected if me. I have cried and cried until I think there are no more tears until the next bout come. I madly love my two DS's yet one has such significant behavioural problems I feel completely alone and unsupported. I am a sole parent and the kids have no acces to their father. My family are great but don't understand my ds or all that I try to do to help him. The school do their best yet have an archaic mindset. I needed to vent and didn't know where else to go. It's one of those times I feel so helpless and just want someone to help carry this burden. How do you help those you love to breaking point and love those you have lost so tragically. I know I will get up tomorrow and put on the mask yet how do I go on now when I can't stop the flood of feelings.

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Mojito100 · 05/09/2014 23:01

Thanks tread heavily. It's so nice knowing I'm not alone in this journey. Most times you can cope but sometimes it is just overwhelming.

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LilyTheSavage · 06/09/2014 08:08

Overwhelming is just right. I read something about acceptance and was not sure if I agreed.... I'll just find it.... hang on....

LilyTheSavage · 06/09/2014 08:11

I agree with all that's written in this beautiful piece, but I have a very hard time saying the word Acceptance. I still don't want to accept. Sometimes I think I have, but if I give in to that reality all the way, it makes me feel like I've let go of him, which is something I will never be able to do. Grief and memories are all I have left of him. I will never completely accept...I don't think I can. I can't believe I live in the surreal, altered reality where my precious child is dead.

Loss, love and lack of support
Mojito100 · 06/09/2014 14:18

Acceptance is the hardest I agree. I can only say my DD has passed for any other term feels harsh and final. I'm not sure I'll ever get to a point if acceptance.

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Mojito100 · 10/09/2014 15:08

Truly missing my DD today and wish she was here to hug and cuddle.

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LilyTheSavage · 11/09/2014 07:44

I know. We really need an emoticon for a hug. I'm sending you a big hug anyway. Our childrens' deaths make everything wrong in the world.

Mojito100 · 13/09/2014 00:04

It's getting worse instead of better at the moment. I expect DS2 will be expelled by the end of the year. I am missing my DD terribly and we are coming up to October where my heart gets heavier. I can feel it already. Went to a concert last night where a couple of songs from the artist make me think of DD and cried through both. Thankfully it was dark. Trudging through life at the moment.

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LilyTheSavage · 13/09/2014 20:38

Hi Mojito. It won't be worse for ever. I'm sure that with all the support you're giving him and help that he'll calm down some time. Are school being supportive and helpful? Can they offer any suggestions?

I think that the period leading up to a special anniversary, date or birthday can almost be worse than the actual date itself. Be gentle to yourself and try and keep your friends close.

Music makes me cry too.

Sending you a big hug and lots of love XXX

Mojito100 · 15/09/2014 10:34

I have been really lucky and managed to get an emergency appointment with paediatrician for tomorrow. This Dr is so heavily booked it normally takes 6 months to get appointment. I don't think he'll be able to do much but it is an avenue to explore. If nothing else he should have. Recommendation for a psychiatrist.

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LilyTheSavage · 15/09/2014 17:21

That's good. Let's hope that the doctor might have some words of wisdom and help. I think you're absolutely right to explore all the avenues.

Hope DS2 had a good day at school today.
Good luck tomorrow.

Mojito100 · 16/09/2014 14:17

Will try to update tomorrow. Absolutely exhausted today.

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Mojito100 · 19/09/2014 05:03

Getting things in order at the moment.

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LilyTheSavage · 24/09/2014 20:12

Been thinking of you. Just checking in. Sending you hugs. xxx

LilyTheSavage · 05/10/2014 21:00

Just checking in to see how you're doing.

Wine Thanks

Mojito100 · 06/10/2014 23:11

Things are good at the moment. School holidays are on and that is always easier.

Just starting to note that heavy feeling coming on as Christmas draws near and thinking of all the things my beautiful DD is missing out on.

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Mojito100 · 12/10/2014 15:13

School starts again this week and I'm dreading it. Term 4 is always super hard.

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LilyTheSavage · 13/10/2014 10:02

Aw Mojito. Take a deep breath and get ready. Hope it goes well.

Thinking of you.

Mojito100 · 18/10/2014 18:43

One week down at school 7 to go. Fingers crossed.

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LilyTheSavage · 21/10/2014 15:53

Hope this week is going ok. Thinking of you often.

Mojito100 · 21/10/2014 22:33

Thanks lily. So far so good. 6.5 weeks to go. Not feeling as flat as I can in October or lacking the empathy I normally do. This time of year normally brings a complete lack of patience for everyone at works first world problems but so far not too bad.

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LilyTheSavage · 23/10/2014 08:24

Smile Brew Sounds good Mojito. Fingers crossed.

Mojito100 · 23/10/2014 14:54

Oh dear my October mood kicked in today. I had no tolerance for anyone at all. I need some happy pills I think.

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LilyTheSavage · 24/10/2014 11:46

Brew and Thanks and [hug].

Mojito100 · 30/10/2014 12:19

We are muddling along at the moment. DS1 is good, DS2 had a slight wobble yesterday but not major. He has done well so far this term. I just need him to hold on for 5 more weeks, mind you the next 5 weeks will be incredibly tough as there is so much change to his routine.

I have found myself being completely intolerant and sharing my opinion a little to freely. I need to reign it in. I just have no patience at the moment.

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LilyTheSavage · 30/10/2014 19:21

I definitely am too intolerant and have become quite used to sharing my opinions whether or not they are needed or asked for. I hope I'm not turning into a horrible person. I do find that grief is making me less tolerant of fuckwits and idiots and I don't want people like that in my life. I don't need them in my life.... and neither do you. They sap our strength and goodness knows, we need as much of that as we can get.

Well done DS1 and DS2. Fingers crossed that he can hang in there. Thanks