I'm not sure truly where this post should go. It was the anniversary of my daughters passing last week. She has been gone 5 long years which is now longer than she graced me with her presence. It is her birthday next week and as others in this forum would understand I get up and go on each day but underneath I am dead and purely executing the emotions expected if me. I have cried and cried until I think there are no more tears until the next bout come. I madly love my two DS's yet one has such significant behavioural problems I feel completely alone and unsupported. I am a sole parent and the kids have no acces to their father. My family are great but don't understand my ds or all that I try to do to help him. The school do their best yet have an archaic mindset. I needed to vent and didn't know where else to go. It's one of those times I feel so helpless and just want someone to help carry this burden. How do you help those you love to breaking point and love those you have lost so tragically. I know I will get up tomorrow and put on the mask yet how do I go on now when I can't stop the flood of feelings.
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Bereavement
Facing the pain is the price of loving. Grief is the price we pay for great loss.
Sending you love for a peaceful 2017. 
Hi Mojito
Thank you as always for your thoughts. I now think of you and your DD when I see Victoria Sponge.... as well as Paddy. Bitter sweet.
I'll be really interested to see what you come up with for your garden memorial. What about a garden with scented flowers and plants to attract butterflies. Some people think that butterflies are a symbol and evoke our darling children. You could have climbers if it was against a wall or fence or maybe even a small water feature to attract more wildlife. Just a thought. So hard.
Sending love
I was thinking of you and your DD while I was out in the garden this morning. I had on a horrid old boiler suit (think workman) and boots and hat and I sat grubbing about in the earth. Nice image? Hope you got the lovely positive thoughts I was sending your way.
Glad things are a bit calmer and hope you and DS2 can find a way towards the next stage. Well done for taking your meds. It obviously makes a difference and the fact that you can see and recognise that they help is important.
Just checking in with you. Hope things are a little calmer and you feel more under control again.
Sending - Victoria sandwich obviously and much love.
Oh Mojito. You sound exhausted. Well done for restarting CAMHS. Thank goodness DS2 was willing to talk and engage. That's a positive step.
Can you get help from them too?
I can only imagine how are you feeling at the prospect of dealing with DD's death. Have you got anyone who will help you to make those first terrifying steps? You can't do that alone I think. I'm only at the end of a keyboard, but I'm holding your hand.
Sending love.
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