''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

Hi matilda so sorry you have to be here with us and so sorry to hear about your Daniel. Theres not a lot I can say except how supportive and lovely the ladies on here have been since my DD died on NYE when she was just 2 days old. It's still such early days and the grief is still so raw that I'm sure it's hard to think it will ever get any better at all, but I think that as time passes, the rawness eases just a tiny bit xx

I light candles every Friday, Sarurday and Sunday I have ever since I joined this thread, my best friend bought a candle holder for me and we light it, if we have wine we raise a glass without fail. If we are away I try to visit a church, last weekend we were in Quimper and I lit two candles in the Cathedral one for our children and one for my Mum who I know is looking after Richard. It always makes me cry but I sit quietly and think of Richard xx

I don't go to church at home but when we are away I find it a great comfort to sit in a beautiful church and just reflect. I do cry but no-one takes any notice. You are right that I am taking that time just for Richard. Somehow it means that we are taking him with us. We must all do what gives us some peace, xx

whatever I totally get what you mean about not being on the thread. Totally. xx

Lets raise a glass to us all cos we are amazing. whatever and all the 'mums to be' can have lemonade xx

Whatever I get it, I really do but I'm so going to miss you here.

Mias I should have shared it but I have to confess I thought I was weak that day and I don't like to be weak. I have always been a coper. Had to be. And then life threw me this. And I know I have to cope but I don't always know if I can.

everlong I love that you lit that candle in Santorini. I think if you light a candle in every city you ever visit, think how far and wide his light will shine.

There is a picture of the butterfly house on my profile now.

WTW so pleased for you and your rainbow! I am a newer one so we don't know each other but I will be thinking of you and Erin.

How wonderful to think of all those candles all over the world for our darling children. I have been lighting one by Dexter's picture on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays. These are days I feel like are important to him and us, when he was born, when we lost him and when the funeral was. Will have to start lighting in other cities when I go, what a beautiful idea. It is amazing to think our babies will always be with us, where ever we go. Though I am still trying to find the happy memories in all the hurt.

The before and after thing is just awful. It is like a huge black line across life. I stupidly got upset yesterday because I haven't used my ipod since BEFORE when we were happy and everything was fine.

Please forgive me, I am feeling really low tonight. I am worried my pancreatitus is back. Have been in pain all weekend, but I honestly don't know what to do about it. I have my 6 week post natal check on Wednesday so I don't know if I should hold on til then or call G Doc's or what. I should be having my gallbladder out next month but I don't know if this coming back means it should come out sooner. I got really quite sick last time and I don't want to be that ill again, but I don't want to go back into hospital where all the horrible memories are so I am making up all kinds of excuses why I shouldn't. DH doesn't need the stress of worrying about me at the moment either. Arrgh.

Sorry, we are all going through so much, I should not be so self indulgent. Forgive me.

My friend, who lost a little boy at six months pregnant, had a little girl last week. I am so happy for her that it all went well and she has her new baby in her arms.

Morning ladies xx

....and still the rain pours down in Lancashire!!

Just to cheer you up, shabs, we're having a lovely sunny day here in Ireland!

Morning all.
I have just taken a phone call at work from a guy that I had a lot of dealings with before I went off on maternity leave (before it all happened) - the first thing he asked was how was I, am I back at work now, what did I have (boy/girl), was everything ok etc - it completely took me by surprise and I just burst out into tears as I tried to explain that I had a little girl but she was very poorly and she died. He was really apologetic, sorry he asked etc, but there was no way he could have known. I think, when I'm prepared to be in a situation with people who don't know what happened, it's not so bad because I know that there might be questions, but this took me completely by surprise as it was out of the blue. It doesn't help that today would have been my first day back from maternity leave. Also, have seen the SANDS posting on facebook about that awful book and it's made me feel sick. Not a good day really.
chip, so pleased to hear about your friends rainbow, that's really great news.
Mech you are not being self indulgant, and don't ever apologise anyway - this thread is a safe place where you can talk about you and your babies as much or as little as you want without any concerns. If only RL were like that, eh?!

wtw have I got you on fb? I get awful confused matching MN names to real ones! hehe

blue we're planning to come up too on Saturday, all being well with money for petrol and X being ok. He's much better so far today though. I need to come really, being on Belle's remember day and I know Sterre's is the day after. Are you bringing a decorated pebble with you? Remember you can leave one in the garden. I'm buying acrylic paints and varnish today to do a lovely stone for B.

Elly, I have had that from a few clients, although the girls in work did their best to tell everyone. My bereavement counsellor told me to have an answer ready but even so, you're not always prepared. I actually have had people ask me about the baby if I was pregnant on their last visit and in some cases it was 2-3 years before. Fine if I'm telling them about big, strapping ds4 but not so fine talking about Sylvie-Rose.

Elly, which book?

It's a sick book that is for sale, and there is a page on FB about it, seem to be a lot of trolls on there being nasty to ladies who try to complain. There is a petition - if you go to the SANDS FB page, they have the info that they are trying to get it banned because it's so sick.

Thinking of my precious James, lost at 17 weeks, every day of my life. Nothing can take away the pain of losing you, James, but I can smile again without feeling guilty about it.

Big hugs to everyone and thank you for the thread.

Sunny here too Shabs!

I've been away for the last few days and have been reading but not able to post, so a lot to catch up on.

matilda welcome and sorry you find yourself here. I remember your thead about your beautiful boy Daniel.

elly you're right, it's the things that we're not prepared for that really throw us, well me anyhow. Sorry xx

mech hugs. I know where you're coming from.

lavandes thank you. I lit my first candle two weeks ago and was struck by the intensity of the significance and meaning.

wtw, from a newbie, your kind words have helped me through some dark times, thank you. Good luck and I understand.

mias how insensitive of him but how restrained of you!

I had a good one too yesterday, a NCT magazine came, "The Birth Issue", well that's good, I thought, for people who are going to give birth in the next few weeks. Took me a couple of minutes to realise that that should have been me. Another well meaning friend texted me hoping that I was feeling more normal now. What do you say? I haven't yet replied, but in a way yes I do feel more normal and feel I'm getting on with it. Slightly scared that I'm going to get woken up soon and that I'm blanking it out at the moment.

chip I'm so glad the butterflies came for you. Made me smile and remember Sylvie-Rose

elly I've just sent a complaint to Amazon. Disgusting.

everlong, I do get a bit of a pang when someone has a new baby but at the same time, I'm so happy she gets to hold her new baby after the ordeal she went through with her ds.
I have complained to Amazon, too. Disgusting book.