"Too Beautiful for Earth" For Sylvie-Rose and all our Angel Children

[chipmonkey]

For my darling Sylvie-Rose, taken from us just seven weeks after you were born. Too beautiful for this earth but I so wish you could have stayed nonetheless.
And for all the Mums walking this tough path. Let us link arms along the way and not be defeated by the cruel blow life has dealt us.

Mias, it could be just one of those things I never had, an easy pregnancy!

I feel so selfish all I can think about at the moment is me and I just feel totally shit.(sorry for language). It will be 2 years on Wednesday since Richard died that is it. I cannot think of anything else at the moment. I suppose this will pass. I am numb, we took flowers to the Crem today and I just felt angry that I had to be there. Why life should be so cruel I have no idea. I have never asked or hoped for anything much and this is what I have been dealt. Sorry for being so miserable xxx

you are entitled to think of yourself once in a while, particularly around the special dates. And it's not fair and as long as we're on earth we won't understand, I just hope it all becomes crystal-clear in the end.

lavandes (((hugs))) You are not being selfish, or miserable! I can't imagine how difficult it is for you, I'm only 6 months in, and far from thinking it gets easier, I imagine the aching must intensify, and I'm in awe of those further along. I will be thinking of you & Richard, and hope the day passes as peacefully, for you, as it can. It is shit, and you have every reason to feel that way xx

Miasmummy Do you know what hospital you will be having the little one in? xx

Thanks everlong I know things will be easier when April has passed but it is shit at the moment. Nothing makes it easier does it? x

You are all so kind I don't know how I would have coped without you all. I will be ok soon xxx

Happy 8th birthday Fraser. Hope you are okay FM, thinking of you and yours today.

My Dads birthday today as well so have told him to look out for Fraser.

Take care ladies.

fm birthdays here for my dad (here), and my DH's dad too. DH's dad was a gentle, kind-hearted man, and he will be looking out for Fraser too.

Miasmummy I'm sure you'll be just fine :) xx

tami not sure yet, probably SM like with Mia.

Lavandes

It is horrible how these dates take us back to the beginning when we miss our children every day. It is not like it is going to happen again. i just feel that my life is controlled by dates. I cannot get away from it. A few days ago I learnt that 2 people I work with are the children of the policeman who came to our house to tell us Richard had died I do not know how I finished my shift.(I work in a leisure centre and work with lots of young people, some of them only work occasionally, so I don't know them really well). I felt sick, how stupid is that?

Good morning all , I had a very long day yesterday , I had an awful dream on friday night and it stayed with me all of yesterday , I just couldn't get it out of my head and tbh it is still there just under the surface . I feel worn out .
Would love to know what my head is thinking doing that to me .

Anyway I have to paint the smile on and carry on , today I have two extra children all day , could be a bit hectic , wine will be in the fridge ready for when they go .

fm I hope you are feeling a little lighter today x

tw ah, the horrible dreams... so exhausting. I try to mentally imagine flicking a tv channel and make up my own happy ending or think of a new story when the images are too vivid, and block any thoughts of it coming back into my head. Hope the children are relatively calm for you today.

Just been looking through photos of Mia. My DH has taken so many beautiful ones of her, I can't help smiling at them. So grateful he takes so many in order to try for the perfect shot - he has captured so many of her different expressions. He says it was easy, as he loved taking photos of his beautiful girl. And what I love is that she is smiling, and has such a look of love as she gazes into the camera.

Morning ladies x

Thanks for thinking of me mummyofmissm I do appreciate it . I cannot get involved in rows at the moment but I will stand up and say that I never thought you were lying. Two years seems a long time but sometimes it feels like yesterday as I know you understand. Take care xx

I didn't realise you have had another child Susan, many many congratulations.

Do you think returning to this thread in the way that you have is wise?

I would also say your timing is rather insensitive, it was Fraser's birthday yesterday, and quite frankly i should imagine that FM doesn't need this stirred up right now.

To lay my cards on the table. Yes I believe that Catherine and your grief are real, however the debacle over your trolling is one of the reasons why I don't post on here as much as I used to. Bereaved mother or not, you came onto a site to stir and I don't understand that sort of behaviour. It made me realise that my inner most thoughts and feelings were easily accessable to the general public, and that not everyone (ie trolls) respects that people lay their hearts and souls on places likes MN, and therefore take advantage.

Maybe I have you and trolling to thank? maybe it made me think twice about pouring out my soul on a place where anyone can read it? Maybe it made me realise that not everyone on a faceless internet forum can be trusted? Maybe it made me feel sorry for people who feel the need to troll?

You say 'shame on you all', I think maybe that should apply to you to?

(((Lavandes))) thinking if you and Richard xxx

Sorry to hear you've been having troubling dreams TW I find my dreams are so much more vivid these days. Almost like my brain is processing things more clearly when I'm asleep as I stop it when I'm awake.

20 weeks today - hurrah! Dp is trying to give up smoking and has been utterly vile all weekend - am actually pleased we are both back at work today.