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Original poster

For not wanting a sliver of pain during childbirth (support for stillbirth)

557 replies

karmathreefold · 27/10/2011 04:35

and then wanting extreme agony as punishment?

It's my fault... I knew the baby wasn't as active as usual, yet I thought it was OK.

I had a friend who had a stillbirth & she told me to check out any reduced movements - which I did, for my son, DD & in this pregnancy.

But I fucking didn't on tuesday, and I waited till the evening, when I knew it should be more active till I went to hospital.

So now I have to give birth to it. It's fully formed at 37 weeks gestation. If I'd got to hospital on time it could have maybe been saved.

I don't want to feel pain giving birth; yet I feel I deserve it, why not after it's all my fault.

I've never felt such pain as I do no, so maybe even a drugs-free labour would be less painful.

Oh god, I don't want this pain, I can't stand it

OP posts:
Jacksmania · 27/10/2011 04:45

Oh karma, I'm so sorry. Just... I'm so sorry.
It's NOT your fault. There is most likely NOTHING you could have done.
And no, YANBU for not wanting pain when you give birth. The mental and emotional agony you feel right now is bad enough.
Oh love, I'm so sorry. :(:(:(

ZacharyQuack · 27/10/2011 05:16

I'm so very sorry. Sad

The world is shit sometimes.

mycatoscar · 27/10/2011 05:56

so very very sorry to read this and no YANBU, except to be blaming yourself but I think thats only natural.

it was not your fault and as jacksmania says it is extremely likely that this would have happened whether you went to hospital or not.

Have you got someone there with you sweetie?

my2centsis · 27/10/2011 05:58

i know everyone saying sorry is probly just going to make you more upset but my heart goes out to you. YANBU
This is not your fault in the slightest. I hope you have heaps of support with you!!
I am so so sorry
xo

PinkFondantFancy · 27/10/2011 06:00

Karma I am so so sorry that you have to go through this :( I don't have any advice except that this definitely isn't your fault and you don't deserve to feel any pain.

FearfulYank · 27/10/2011 06:01

Oh Karma no! Oh no, I am so so sorry. I am just so sorry. I cannot imagine anything so terrible. It is not your fault darling, of course it's not.

I am so sorry.

beararse · 27/10/2011 06:11

:(

I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.

izzywhizzysfritenite · 27/10/2011 06:16

My heart is breaks for you and I beg you not to add to your agony by blaming yourself because, even if you had gone to the hospital earlier, in all probability nothing could have been done to prevent this devastating outcome.

Shake your fist at the sky, rail against this cruel act of fate, and know that you were powerless to prevent it Sad

There's nothing anyone can say that can console you, but I hope you will be able to find some small comfort in the knowledge that your fellow mumsnetters are thinking of you and that, if we could, we would all be with you holding your hand, drying your tears, and supporting you throughout this ordeal and beyond.

Etwinkles · 27/10/2011 06:28

That's awful. I'm so sorry for you. And to answer your question I don't think the pain of labour will lessen the pain of grief, so it would not be unreasonable to do it pain free. And you most definitely do not need to punish yourself in any way...x

fraktious · 27/10/2011 06:36

Oh karma I'm so sorry Sad I have no idea what to say but I don't think punishing yourself by refusing pain relief will help Sad I wish I knew what would.

notevenamOoOooOoooosie · 27/10/2011 06:37

"It" is your beautiful DC, you did the very best you did at the time, and you are devestated. Feel and do anything that will help. Pain or otherwise - it's up to you, but it is ok. Ask someone about the "could have been saved" - I expect the answer will be no, you did the very best you could. I wish I could sit with you but given we can't we are here afterwards when you need to talk.

MilkNoSugarPlease · 27/10/2011 07:04

Yanbu, I am so so sorry :(

Please do not think it is your fault.

Cry, scream, shout, break things....just do not think this is your fault...it is not....its just utterly fucking shit

Thinking of you xxxxxx

MrsSleepy · 27/10/2011 07:07

Oh honey, I don't have anything to say that will make you feel even the slightest bit better, I wish I did :(

Thinking of you xx

Bucharest · 27/10/2011 07:11

So sorry.
It's not your fault.x

insanityscratching · 27/10/2011 07:11

I am so so sorry. Please do not think it is your fault you are suffering too much already.

In my thoughts and prayers x

MinnieBloodBar · 27/10/2011 07:15

It is NOT your fault. You have had some unbelievably tough stuff to deal with recently.

I hesitate to ask, but how is your DH supporting you?

LoveInAColdGrave · 27/10/2011 07:18

I am so, so terribly sorry.

MinnieBloodBar · 27/10/2011 07:18

In case it wasn't clear - I'm not suggesting for a minute that the other events in your life and pregnancy difficulties caused this or had an influence - more a ham-fisted attempt to acknowledge you shouldn't have to go through this on top of everything else.

LingDiLong · 27/10/2011 07:18

I am so, so sorry. This isn't your fault, not even a little bit. I should think you are going through enough agony as it is so please try and go easy on yourself.

borderslass · 27/10/2011 07:19

I'm so sorry x

chinateacup · 27/10/2011 07:20

So so sorry x

FearTricksPotter · 27/10/2011 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

likelucklove · 27/10/2011 07:30

YANBU :(

I don't know what to say, or can say, to make this any easier for you. I wish for your strength during this time.

It is not your fault, this realization comes in time. In this time, do anything and everything you can to cope xxx

picnicbasketcase · 27/10/2011 07:35

It's not your fault and I'm so sorry for your loss. Wishing you huge strength and all the support in the world Sad

NinkyNonker · 27/10/2011 07:38

Oh Karma. SadSadSadSad

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