For not wanting a sliver of pain during childbirth (support for stillbirth)

[karmathreefold]

and then wanting extreme agony as punishment?

It's my fault... I knew the baby wasn't as active as usual, yet I thought it was OK.

I had a friend who had a stillbirth & she told me to check out any reduced movements - which I did, for my son, DD & in this pregnancy.

But I fucking didn't on tuesday, and I waited till the evening, when I knew it should be more active till I went to hospital.

So now I have to give birth to it. It's fully formed at 37 weeks gestation. If I'd got to hospital on time it could have maybe been saved.

I don't want to feel pain giving birth; yet I feel I deserve it, why not after it's all my fault.

I've never felt such pain as I do no, so maybe even a drugs-free labour would be less painful.

Oh god, I don't want this pain, I can't stand it

Tami, have your parents sense enough not to move just on her whim?

tami your sister is pretty self-focussed, isn't she??? (and that is being polite). If she must go to Cornwall ASAP, and you have arrangements with your mum to look after DD1, I do believe that there are such things as trains (gasp) or even rental cars (double gasp!!) that would solve her transport issue.

If your parents haven't said anything about ever wanting to move to Cornwall, I would think it very unlikely that they would uproot their lives just to accommodate her current whim, especially when they have another daughter and grandchildren nearby.

Thanks chip & miasmummy you really are the sane voices I need to listen to, I just wish she wouldn't phone me constantly to moan.

Contrary to how 'ranty' I am on here, in RL I'm actually the one everyone phones to tell their problems to, which is quite annoying at times.

I hope (selfishly) that mum & dad don't go yet, I do want them to enjoy their twilight years, hell they deserve it, but I don't like how 'bullying' Dsis can be. xx

tami one word for when you don't feel like 'being there' for others... voicemail. Of course you want your parents to be happy, but moving to Cornwall doesn't necessarily mean it's the answer for them.

Mia's right, tami. If you don't feel up to it, don't take the call. I pretended not to be in earlier as ds1 spoke to MIL. I was annoyed with her for rearranging Sylvie-Rose's grave and wasn't in the mood to talk. There are one or two other issues as well where she has pitted all her children against each other, they have all fallen out and then she wants sympathy from me and I can't find the energy anymore!

How are you doing today Tami?

Thanks Random. I've been feeling far more positive, far less emotional. Sadly this seems to mean that I just seem to say the wrong thing to others, which is also making me a bit paranoid xx