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Original poster

For not wanting a sliver of pain during childbirth (support for stillbirth)

557 replies

karmathreefold · 27/10/2011 04:35

and then wanting extreme agony as punishment?

It's my fault... I knew the baby wasn't as active as usual, yet I thought it was OK.

I had a friend who had a stillbirth & she told me to check out any reduced movements - which I did, for my son, DD & in this pregnancy.

But I fucking didn't on tuesday, and I waited till the evening, when I knew it should be more active till I went to hospital.

So now I have to give birth to it. It's fully formed at 37 weeks gestation. If I'd got to hospital on time it could have maybe been saved.

I don't want to feel pain giving birth; yet I feel I deserve it, why not after it's all my fault.

I've never felt such pain as I do no, so maybe even a drugs-free labour would be less painful.

Oh god, I don't want this pain, I can't stand it

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 27/10/2011 07:42

I am so sorry. It really isn't your fault. I hope that you have someone to talk to and support you in RL.

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 27/10/2011 07:52

It's not your fault Karma.

NaughtyBusterAndTheBumFactory · 27/10/2011 07:53

Words can not describe how utterly horrendous this must be for you. It is NOT your fault, you did not want this to happen. Look after yourself. I'm so sorry x

cantpooinpeace · 27/10/2011 07:54

You'll get through it simply because you have no choice :( - mother nature is a bitch. Look after yourself & your family - so sorry that you're in this incredibly difficult situation xxxxx

Merlioness · 27/10/2011 07:56

I am so so sorry :(
It is definitely not your fault. Please try not to beat yourself up. I wish there was something I could say, or do, but we are all here holding your hand

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 27/10/2011 07:58

Omg Karma I don't know what to say. I'm so so sorry :( :( :(

VeryLittleGhastliness · 27/10/2011 08:01

Oh karma :( I'm so sorry.

This is not your fault. Please don't feel that you need to punish yourself.

Rhiana1979 · 27/10/2011 08:01

So sorry for your loss. Hope you've got the support you need xx

BalloonSlayer · 27/10/2011 08:01

I am so sorry.

Be kind to yourself.

You are in more pain than anyone should ever have to go through. You do not deserve this, or any other pain.

This is not your fault.

Sad
TheLaineyWayIsEssex · 27/10/2011 08:06

So sorry Sad

RealityIsADistantMemory · 27/10/2011 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansMistress · 27/10/2011 08:07

Oh my dear I'm so sorry.

Please don't blame yourself or torture yourself with 'what-ifs'.

Sending you love and strength xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Icelollycraving · 27/10/2011 08:09

Extremely sorry for your loss,hope you have lots of support. Whatever counselling or help is offered,take it x

mumatron · 27/10/2011 08:11

So sorry for you karma

:(

You are not to blame for this.

Thinking of you and your family right now

xx

Hungrydragon · 27/10/2011 08:14

Oh love Sad, it's not your fault. Your suffering so much now, let people help you, they will want to. I'm so sorry.

BOOareHaunting · 27/10/2011 08:16

Sad I'm so sorry Karma.

You do not deserve punishment, you did nothing wrong. Please don't blame yourself.

Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

MistyMountainHop · 27/10/2011 08:17

oh karma :(

so sorry for your loss

my heart goes out to you xx

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 27/10/2011 08:19

Sad So sorry, Karma. So sad. Try to be kind to yourself. This is not your fault. Thinking of you and your family.

YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 27/10/2011 08:29

It's not your fault. You aren't the only one who has ever been through this. All of the women in the history of the world that this terrible thing has happened to cannot all need punishment. Losing your precious baby is punishment enough for anything. Please try to be kind to yourself. Walk down this path, as so many others have, and take whatever support you need. This wrenching grief will not always feel like the waves of the sea are trying to wash you away. Please, hold on tight until then.

shabbapinkfrog · 27/10/2011 08:32

Very, very sorry to hear such sad news. I blame myself for my sons deaths. Even though they happened many years ago and part of me knows it was not my fault. I have no words that will help.....at such a sad time as this there are no words. I just want you to know that, despite what you are thinking, and what I thought all those years ago, it is not your fault.

If I can help in any way please, please private message me. xxxx

Bluetinkerbell · 27/10/2011 08:37

I am so so sorry!
I gave birth to my little girl in June after we saw on the scan she didn't have a heartbeat. She was only 20 weeks! I also didn't want to be in pain and I wasn't! You can have all the pain relief you want! I strongly suggest morphine! It is great! Combined it with gas and air as well!
If you need any help, someone to scream to, please pm me!

hang in there! hugs and love x

DawnOfTheDeementedDead · 27/10/2011 08:43

Karma - I am so so sorry that your precious baby has died. It's so very unfair, and i can totally understand why you are blaming yourself - i've been there, and blamed myself too.

These next few days are some of the hardest you will ever have to face, my lovely, but you will get through them, because you have to, there is no other choice, i wish there was.

Please be kind to yourself, take it a moment at a time and don't forget to breathe, honey.

Please know we are all here for you as you go through this. Much love x

milkysmum · 27/10/2011 08:54

Thoughts are with you. You do not deserve to punish youself further, nobody deserves this. So so sorry for your loss X

Andrewofgg · 27/10/2011 09:08

Nothing any of us can say or do will be much help, but we all offer our sympathy and love. Very best to you. :(

whatacrapstressfulday · 27/10/2011 09:12

I am so so sorry. It is not your fault in any way. You are a busy mum with two other children and you did your very best for your baby, and as others have said, it's likely had you got there earlier the outcome would have been the same.The hospital staff will do absolutely everything in their power to make this as pain free as possible for you, please be assured of that. Sending you love and strength.xxxx