Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

[frasersmummy]

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

morning girlsx

oh my goodness TooImmature a DAYS worth of wee?? I would have about 6 litres! And surely you need to be carting bottles around all day long just incase, hope you don't have to do that on a working day! I hope the appointment goes well anyway, good luck. I'll pass on your message to the March lot. I know just what you mean about torturing yourself with it - I did exactly that in the weeks after Bobbie was born. I would read it, read about everyone's scans and babies kicking, and cry and seethe and hate myself for being like that Hugs to you x

cheese I'm glad you've had an easier day or two.

MrsRudy yes I can identify with that. I lost my DD at 20 weeks and the silence from some family members has been deafening. At times I want to scream "do you not realise you had a granddaughter/greatgranddaughter/niece?!" It hurt when my grandma was saying a couple of weeks ago that soon she was going to be a great grandma (I am due number 2 in August). I thought "but you already are". It's like Bobbie didn't happen sometimes. But DH and I know that she is and always will be our first baby. No one can take that from us. All they can do is be idiots and say stupid things.

DH's gran had her 80th last month and his aunt had made a sort of scrapbook of her life and read it out. Of course it detailed the birth of her children and then her grandchildren. But her little great granddaughter wasn't mentioned. I had to hide in the kitchen and pretend to wash up with tears pouring down my face. It struck me that one day someone might make a similar book for me - and they might miss her out too and only annouce her surviving siblings. I felt sick thinking about it.

How bloody cruel to not mention your precious baby. I think, for many of a 'certain age' (70 plus) the loss of a baby, or a child was so common. If you walk around a churchyard and look at the old grave stones there are always so many children. Many ladies of my grans age lost entire families. It was also NEVER spoken about. I have a friend who lost her little brother in the 1960's - there was a terrible house fire and they were all trapped. That little lad was never, ever, ever allowed to be mentioned again. I dont get that at all. It has left my friend with very 'stunted emotions' IYKWIM. She appears angry all the time. She also, quite simply, cannot go to a funeral.......she will sit in the car outside the church - but cant go inside the building.

Its like so many elderly ladies who I spoke to after my boys died......their remarks were always 'Its a blessing that they died.....you will soon get over it.....etc, etc, etc.'

I think it is up to all of us to do our best with all the siblings of our precious children who have died, to make them comfortable to speak about death, to say proudly 'I had a brother/sister but it makes me sad because they died.' If we all try to do that maybe their generation will not be ignorant or cruel with their words about bereavement.

thanks shabs. I think they think mentioning her would be tactless/hurtful/upsetting but as we all know the exact opposite is true. Your poor friend I can't get my head around never mentioning him again. How awful that you had people say those things to you too. Most of the time I just feel so beaten that I can't find it in me to be angry with these people, I am too bloody understanding and think that they mean it kindly, they just got it wrong. It's rare that someone is actually malicious. But I wish there was less ignorance and fear around bereavement.

I also think we need to make a point of thanking people who get it "right". You see all the time on this board people asking for advice and whether they should say something, whether they should write on an anniversary etc. It can take a lot of courage because they really don't want to hurt us, and I think people sometimes need to be told they did the right thing and that their message/card etc was appreciated. hopefully then they would do it again.

How can anyone say it's a blessing?? And as for getting over it, well that's ridiculous!!!! Some people need to think before they open their mouth!! My sister in law said on the day of olivers funeral "bet you will be glad when people stop coming, it's like when you have just had a baby isn't it! " um no it's not, what was she thinking?? Don't think she could have chose a worst thing to compare it to!!!
Some people just have no idea! Lucky them, I wouldn't wish loosing a child on my worst enemy!!
I'm feeling Quite angry today!! I'm going to see take that later and don't know if I can face it! I went 2 years ago and Oliver was 6 weeks old, this time he has been dead for 6 weeks!! Just doesn't feel right!!

My own Gran (who I loved dearly and still miss) said the classic line!! We had been trying to conceive for almost 4 years before the twins were born. She said 'Oh dont worry about it love - if you have none (children) to make you laugh then you have none to make you cry????? WTF!!! She thought she was being helpful

How can anyone say it's a blessing?? And as for getting over it, well that's ridiculous!!!! Some people need to think before they open their mouth!! My sister in law said on the day of olivers funeral "bet you will be glad when people stop coming, it's like when you have just had a baby isn't it! " um no it's not, what was she thinking?? Don't think she could have chose a worst thing to compare it to!!!
Some people just have no idea! Lucky them, I wouldn't wish loosing a child on my worst enemy!!
I'm feeling Quite angry today!! I'm going to see take that later and don't know if I can face it! I went 2 years ago and Oliver was 6 weeks old, this time he has been dead for 6 weeks!! Just doesn't feel right!!

Hello.

Shabba invited me to join you, I hope that is okay.

I have posted in this topic yesterday about it being my son's birthday and I can't smile. I will read the thread now.

Welcome FAB - glad you came to find us xxx

Hi all been away from here for a while. Its coming up to Niamh's 2nd birthday at the end of the month and I find myself fighting all the usual demons again..... I didn't hold her for long enough..... I should have taken more photos....why didn't I get my closest friend to come and see her.....why didn't someone at the hospital suggest it....on and on...

Sorry for the self indulgent post, heard something on the radio today and it slammed me back into the old grief and I don't really have an outlet in RL

Have missed you Woolly xxx

Morning girls xx

morning girls, had a bad day yesterday, my dh's work colleague had his son born yesterday and although i am really happy for them i was really sad as it reminded me we weren't going to have grace and make those happy phone calls. :-(

Big hugs shakey. Those moments hurt like hell xx

Well the tears have already started. Sometime between midnight and 6am the clock will strike on the moment my beautiful Belle died a year ago. I can't believe it is a year.

It has been a bittersweet day - had another scan with Xander and the picture we've got it almost identical to his sisters - I think they are going to look a lot alike. With the profile and features I could see on our 3D scan aswell.

But the scan today was in THAT room where we were told Belle was dead and for a moment I froze on the spot and wobbled.

Then I come home and find happy 1st birthday pink balloons and banners all over next door. Her little girl was born the day before Belle died. It was the final straw and I've had a big cry all over DH.

caz

What a terribly difficult day for you.

Oh my word Caz - what a horrible day - apart from seeing Bow xxxx

You have to cry love - let it all out and then cry some more - I tried being strong and putting on a brave face.......that is the worst thing I ever tried to do. Remember what my Nan always told me 'you skrike (cry) love, the more you skrike the less you pee!! She was full of wisdom like that.

Keep posting Caz - let it all out on here - we will all help you xxxxx

I am so sorry so many of you have had such awful tragedies .

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Caz you and your gorgeous Belle are in my thoughts today x

Thinking of you Caz and sending all my love xxx

Thinking of you today Caz xx

Can I also ask for a bit of handholding? Had a bloody horrible day yesterday. I was in a pizza place for lunch with my parents and an elderly man very nearly died over his lunch. It turned out he choked on a piece of meat. My parents and a few other folk were dashing over and thumping him on the back and trying the hiemlich (sp?) etc, phoning 999. The poor man went blue and then grey and lost consciousness. By the time the paramedics came they were onto CPR etc. Paramedics managed to clear his airway and get him back and he was nearly conscious again by the time they took him to hospital, so am hopeful he will be ok. Utterly terrifying.
I spent the afternoon completely unable to get his poor grey face out of my head. And thinking that some poor family will be getting the phonecall that their dad/grandad is in hospital after that
I was so utterly useless too (not that I could have done anything that wasn't being done), but I just sat there trembling and terrified, and thinking that the last dead person I saw was my daughter, and clutching my bump and willing LO to move but she wouldn't either and I was shit scared on so many counts.

And then once the paramedics arrived and took over my parents came back to our table and expressed surprise that I hadn't eaten my pizza while it was hot??! WTF? And then my mum told anyone who would listen , staff/other customers "my daughter's 30 weeks pregnant and very upset!". Honestly. I wanted to gag her, just seemed so wrong.
But they were heroes and the paramedics reckoned that all the walloping and CPR probably kept him alive long enough for them to save him, so I am proud of them.

Just very shaken. Hoping for a gentle day for us all x

OMG Spilt - what an awful experience. I am always OK in a crisis but afterwards I cant sleep or even function properly. Matty had two convulsions after he had his routine jabs. I remember calling the ambulance and putting him into the recovery position etc etc....but even now - some 25 years later I can easily cry when i think about it.

Keep posting about yesterday because by keeping talking it kind of makes some sense of it all IYKWIM? xxx

Good afternoon ladies. x

Thinking of you, Jon and your beautiful Belle with love today, and also your dear family caz xxx

What an awful day for you spilt Hope you have a peaceful day today xx

My boss said today 'hello how are you' I said 'fine, actually I am here and I have painted on my smile' he just looked at me as if I were a bit mad. I think I probably am. But I feel very lonely as I think everyone has forgotten because I appear normal.

Grandchildren are coming tomorrow so that will cheer me up for a couple of days. I don't know if I should mention Father's day to them or just ignore it. My husband has never cared about it. I am wondering if I should ask them if they want to get something for him, as they are very close to their Grandad, especially the younger one, he is 10. Any thoughts will be appreciated. xx