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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

973 replies

frasersmummy · 15/04/2011 08:12

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 02/06/2011 21:16

Hiya Caz - have commented on your thread sweetheart.

I know this will not help BUT, think I posted on here before that for the first 3 months when I was carrying Matty I had about a four day period. The periods were not very heavy but I was shocked out of my mind when I went to the GP's thinking I was about 3 weeks pregnant only to find out I was almost 4 months!! Hope that everything calms down for you xxx

lavandes · 02/06/2011 21:43

caz I'm so sorry you are having such a worrying time. I hope it settles down, you don't deserve any more trauma in your life. xxx

triplets · 02/06/2011 21:57

Hello everyone.............I am so touched to read all your lovely posts, yes, Shabs and I have only met once in RL, but we are truly soul mates, she has been a rock, and I know how she has been there for all of you who are here too. Today had been weird, I have felt detached from everything, despite having 3x13yr olds to cope with. I re-live the day, what time , what was said, everything is like a recording in my head. I want my dh to put his arm around me and talk to me of Matthew, but he doesnt...........or cant, he has not mentioned him all day:( 17 years, sometimes now I find it hard to believe I had a diff life, a life with an only child, a beautiful, kind special boy who was never ill. Why did it happen, why did he die, no explanation to this day. I live in terrible fear of history repeating itself, I panic at the slightest thing.Life as you all so sadly know is never ever the same, their death becomes part of your life. It is unforgiving, it is cruel............but there is still joy and love and friendship that you may have never have found. Love to you all xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 02/06/2011 22:13

Sad love you to bits Trips xxxx

CheeseandGherkins · 02/06/2011 23:02

tw thank you so much, I'm so shit and also stressed right now that's it's unreal. I really feel like screaming.

caz hope things are ok, not seen your other thread, dunno where it is but I hide pregnancy forum for now :(

I just feel like I'm going to explode, not only are these few days so bloody hard but also family oneupmanship and just utter shit that doesn't matter but irritates the hell out of me. I wish I could just scream and punch something...

CheeseandGherkins · 02/06/2011 23:03

Candle has been lit for a few hours and still going now xx

shabbapinkfrog · 03/06/2011 07:22

Morning girls xx

greenzebra · 03/06/2011 07:26

Caz, hope u are getting through this best you can. Can't imagine what it feels like to be going through your emotions at the moment. I read you blog alot, find it really comforting and informative. Your blog has made me want to write about Ophelia, so I went ou yesterday and bought a note book, and have written about the day she was born. I think Im going to write about her whole pregnancy in it and then place it in her memory box.

Cheese, I think we should set up a punching bag somewhere and just let rip! Im getting fed up with people not mentioning her and then the next minute talking about their feelings, like they are worse than mine! I dont know Im so confused.

greenzebra · 03/06/2011 07:33

Oh Caz just read your blog, bless your hearts! No wonder your so stressed. Im sending you big hugs, you and Jon and bow.

Totally agree that the ultrasound situation is unreasonable, there should be somewhere there every hour of the day to scan.

Heliantha · 03/06/2011 09:34

Caz, I don't know if this will help, but I can try and tell you a little about how I got through my high anxiety pregnancies. By the time I was expecting DS4, I'd had a baby with a severe heart problem, my beautiful lost boy & other difficulties I won't bore you with :) Needless to say, every twitch, pain or change of any kind sent us back to places psychologically that we didn't want to go to. We therefore turned it round & basically said, 'We've been through the worst & survived'. I don't mean that we were pessimistic (this is so hard to articulate :( - I hope I'm not upsetting you), it's just that we needed a fixed point to hold onto; it was the feeling of being sucked into this horrible vortex of grief that we wanted to, not avoid, but have a tiny bit of control over. Hold onto your love for Belle, for Bow and for your DH, and you will get through this (())

CazandBelle · 03/06/2011 09:46

Thanks for all the reassurance.

heli you've not upset me, that makes perfect sense, I think we need to find something like that to hold onto rather than constantly thinking we've no idea how to survive the worst again. Just surrounded by fear at the moment. Although we are finding out if Bow is a boy or a girl on Monday so we're looking forward to that, can't come quickly enough for me! I'm desperate to name baby!

cheese I think shab meant my blog rather than thread lovely.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 03/06/2011 13:59

hi all. Just a quick post to let you know that I haven't dropped off the side of the earth. I just can't find enough hours in the day at the moment. Ds3 is 5 weeks old already, were has the time gone?

I may not be on here very often, but I think of us all daily xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 03/06/2011 14:18

Good to see you Ilike xxx

Blush yes I did mean BLOG...... DOH!!

Minione · 03/06/2011 17:50

Oh, Caz, you poor thing. I've just read your blog and you must be absolutely besides yourself. As others have said many women spot during pregnancy but I know this won't make yo feel any better. I'm absolutely paranoid and finding it hard this week keading up to Malachy's anniversary.

Take care and look after yourself x

CheeseandGherkins · 03/06/2011 18:01

green that would be great, I could definitely use a punch bag! People can be so insensitive can't they? It's just not right :(

caz ah your blog! Now I see! It's awful that you had to wait days for a scan, it's really not on at all. There should be someone in the hospital that can scan all the time.

How is everyone today? I'm quite tired today, yesterday was very emotional and stressful but today feels a little easier. xxx

triplets · 03/06/2011 19:46

Hi everyone.........just wanted to say Caz how I feel your worry. When I was pregnant with my lovely Matthew, 32 yrs ago, I had a threatened miscarriage at 12 weeks, bled heavily and was in hospital for 5 days. They never scanned me until I came home and all was well but I continued to spot for another three weeks. When I was 5 weeks pregnant with ivf twins, I lost a huge clot, followed by several more, was rushed to hospital, scanned and she found baby number three! I bled until the 17th week, every day. The babes were delivered by c section at 32 weeks, all well. It is common, but scary and its something you don`t want to see, esp if you have lost a child. Be strong, be positive, all will be well. xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 04/06/2011 10:10

Morning girls xx

CazandBelle · 04/06/2011 12:58

Well today isn't going to be a good day.

I've hysterically sobbed in the car park of Toys R Us, had a meltdown over choosing a present for our 2 yr old 'niece' for her birthday(which is today), sobbed because I'm feeling sick about the party, now feel really unwell; headache, sick, generally bleugh, and have to be at the party in an hour.

shabbapinkfrog · 04/06/2011 13:20

Oh shite Caz......you reminded me of my 'first Christmas' after Matty was killed.....

Running into card shops, minutes before they closed. Hearing a Christmas carol and running back out again sobbing.

Unable to have tv on, or radio, just in case something set me off again.

I cant remember how I 'got through' it - all I know is that I did. Please try to be kind to yourself my love. You dont have to do anything that causes you such sadness. Im sure the people concerned will realise why you dont want to do something....and if they dont realise then sod 'em!!!

CheeseandGherkins · 04/06/2011 19:19

Evening.

How are you now Caz? Sounds like you've had a tough day :(

shabs not the same as you but last Christmas was only weeks after losing Scarlett, then we had the funeral on the 29th but I made it through the day with lots of help. I had massive plans for a big dinner but in the end dh and my mum cooked. I just couldn't do it. Had to make it nice for the dcs but getting through it was definitely how I felt. My parents were also here and my grandad which helped.

lottiejenkins · 04/06/2011 20:33

I have just been watching BGT and Jai sung To Where You Are......... Will post it on here when it appears on YT!!

spilttheteaagain · 04/06/2011 21:07

I hope the day has got a bit easier for you Caz. Are you home now?

cheese sorry I meant to reply to you a couple of days ago. I've had a better few days again thanks. Bless your little Scarlett in your dream, that must have been so lovely to dream and so heartbreaking to wake up from Sad.
I feel a bit like I'm living two lives these days. The real one which is on here, and at home with DH, where I've got my two babies always on my mind; and the fake one where I go out and to work and talk to people about other things and banter and have a laugh. But it is all fake. And I think the people I see out there think it is real, and that I am ok. If only they knew the baggage and the ache I carry around with me.

We went to an antenatal group this morning which was really good actually, but quite strange. I didn't know how I'd cope with a step by step talk through the stages of labour - would it be really distressing and make me relive Bobbie's birth? It was ok actually, but I had a little wobble when they asked what we thought contractions would feel like... I remembered exactly what mine were like, but couldn't say it. I did feel a bit of a know it all due to having spent so much time on here. They were all first timers. I didn't quite know how to classify myself when people asked if I'd done this before. Sort of. I've got experience of the hospital delivery ward, of induction, of 1st stage and 3rd stage of labour but kind of missed the 2nd stage due to no pushing needed when they are so small and just fall out. Also no personal experience of any of the normal drugs as I had straight morphine which was a) horrible and b) would never be used if the baby was alive as it's too strong for them. Funny old day.

CheeseandGherkins · 04/06/2011 22:29

split I'm glad you've had a few better days, it's all relative isn't it though? It was sad to wake from but I did remember feeling so content in my dream, it felt so real. I really understand what you mean when you say about fake and real, I'm the same.

huge (((hugs))) for you too, that must have been so incredibly difficult for you to sit through, I bet you wanted to shout out what had happened but not want to, all at the same time :( If you want to talk about your birth with Bobbie more then I'm more than happy to, I remember after Scarlett was born I wanted to a lot but you don't get the same chances to talk about the birth when they're stillborn as you do with a live baby. I found that quite hard to deal with. I still wanted to talk about my experience as I still gave birth and was a mother to another child and she was just as important as my other dcs. Thinking of you xxx

lottiejenkins · 04/06/2011 22:39
lavandes · 04/06/2011 22:52

Hi ladies mxx

I am a little bit pissed at the moment. Cooked really nice meal, ate in the garden, drank too much wine, husband gone to bed. So just sending my love to you all. xx

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