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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

973 replies

frasersmummy · 15/04/2011 08:12

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 26/05/2011 20:04

Welcome to our 'safe haven' Shakey - just so sorry we had to meet here. Very sad to hear about your precious little girl.

You will find support here....support, love and understanding.

shakeyjake · 26/05/2011 21:06

thanks all. we also found out that grace had no heartbeat at our 20 week scan and was induced. she would have been our 4th child and the pregnancy was going just the way my previous ones had with no sickness and just general tiredness. we have had the reports back from the hospital on bloods from me and on the placenta (we decided against a PM as didnt want grace to be interfered with) and they came back all normal so we have no reason for why this happenned.

Minione · 26/05/2011 21:13

Hi Ladies

ShakeyJake I'm sorry you have found yourself here. Please talk to us about your angel Grace, we are all here to listen and support you x

Hope everyone is ok, I've been really busy at work and not had time to post. Will check thread and read properly xx

shabbapinkfrog · 27/05/2011 06:55

Morning girls xx

lavandes · 27/05/2011 07:24

Morning ladies xx

Hello to the new ladies. I am so sorry you have found yourselves here, but we will try to help you. We will listen and we will not judge you. It is heartbreaking that every few days there is another mum who has lost her child. xx

Kaz I totally understand how you felt while you were away. I have sobbed in so many places in the past year. But I have come to understand that you must not bottle it up. I like to go away because I am anonymous, I don't need to be brave. I don't feel guilty about going away anymore because I know that Richard would understand as I am sure that Sian would understand you. I don't think that it is about enjoying yourself it is about just getting away from home and maybe just 'being yourself' for a while if you understand what I mean. We must do what we can to keep ourselves sane. xx

I have never lost a baby. I find it horrific that so many babies are stillborn in this day and age. I think that too much money is being wasted in the NHS on overpaid managers when it should be spent on finding out why this happens and giving mums more attention. No mother should need to go through this and then be told that there is no reason. It is like living in the dark ages. I hope this does not upset you but it seems to me that there is not enough care given to pregnant women. xxx

travellingwilbury · 27/05/2011 18:05

Hello all xxx

Sorry I haven't been around for a wee while , I have been thinking of you all , but just haven't had the words ifkwim.

shakey I am so sorry you are walking this crappy path but we will be here when you are ready to talk about Grace and we will never shy away from saying her name . To us you will always be Grace's mum .

Kaz the holiday thing is so hard isn't it ? I used to really struggle when I was away from home . But over time I actually found it helped . I didn't have to look around me if I had dared to laugh out loud in public and wonder if people thought I was "better" . The one thing that really helped me (and I am really not religious ) was wherever we went I would find a church and light a candle for Harry . It made me feel like I was bringing him along with me . Nuts I know but it worked .

How is everyone doing ?

I am doing ok , have had a few Harry days recently but have allowed myself to wallow and just ride the roller coaster for a while . I don't fight it anymore and I think it helps .

greenzebra · 27/05/2011 21:06

Please tell me my boobs will stop leaking soon. They don't do it everyday but twice now I have woken up with a massive wet patch on my nightie. Its been four weeks now since Ophelia died and I did all what the nurses told me, the milk went away after a week and a half but now Im having this. Its upsetting to be honest, my body must still think shes here.

janedoe25 · 27/05/2011 22:42

oh greenzebra hugs to you. I was given medication to stop lactation which worked, however around 5 weeks after birth i was leaking a lot during the night. This only lasted for 4 nights. I just wore a tight sports bra to bed, which helped a little. It's like a final kick in the teeth isn't it? I hope you are ok xx

lavandes · 27/05/2011 23:09

When we are away I try to find a church to light candles for Richard and my Mum. I know that Richard would not understand this, he would think I was crazy, but I do and my mum would and I like to think that she will be looking after him, she loved him so much. This does give me comfort. xx

CheeseandGherkins · 28/05/2011 02:03

I was 37 weeks when Scarlett died, then add more on for me not wanting to go in and be incuced. Right now I want to just die tbh, i hate feeling like this all the time. Sorry, I leaking a dayortqo after, that was it. BF before too, i didnt get the engormenent that i excpected even though i was 9 months.

Sorry, will catchin up soon, im sorry i try to type ajnd do it all properly but i cant. thikning of you all. too much tonight. sorry

CheeseandGherkins · 28/05/2011 02:18

Lit a candle x

shabbapinkfrog · 28/05/2011 06:44

Morning girls xx

TooImmature2BMum · 28/05/2011 11:27

Greenzebra, mine lasted for about 3 or 4 weeks. Despite the sadness, I was still fascinated by this new trick my boobs could do and kept tasting the milk. I am now quite sad that they don't do it any more - it felt like a link to Thea.

spilttheteaagain · 28/05/2011 11:41

I felt like that TooImmature. Mine dried up after about 10 days and it felt all too soon. I wasn't at all ready to lose the physical links to my baby. I hated my body for going back to it's pre pregnancy shape/small boobs/stopping bleeding all within about a fortnight.

Greenzebra I'm sorry you're finding it so upsetting, big hugs to you. Wish I could suggest something useful - about all I was told was to wear a tight bra and take paracetamol for the soreness.

greenzebra · 28/05/2011 14:46

wish we could all hug each other, we need a hug smilie on here!

It is upsetting but this thread helps loads you are all amazing ladies!

shabbapinkfrog · 29/05/2011 10:19

Morning girls xx

CheeseandGherkins · 29/05/2011 11:15

Morning. Feeling really irritable which probably only means one thing, sigh. So fed up.

CheeseandGherkins · 29/05/2011 16:57

Btw, I'm really embarrassed about posting the other night Blush. Sorry for over sharing too, I have a tendency to be a bit tmi. Hope I haven't pissed anyone off or upset anyone.

Hope you're all ok this afternoon.

lavandes · 29/05/2011 17:49

Good afternoon ladies xx

You don't need to worry about anything you have posted cheese this thread is for us all to tell eachother how we are feeling. For me this is the only place I can be completely honest, I think that my family have 'moved on' and they just don't 'get' that I never will. I think I have got used to feeling sad all the time and nothing, even the birth of a new grandchild will change that. This does not mean that I am not excited about a new grandchild, it means that no good news will ever mean that I am not devistated about losing Richard and will not mean that I will miss him less.

Please do not worry about upsetting people. We are all here for eachother. Only a mum who has lost a child, no matter what the age, can understand. We are all here for eachother and we all have different 'wisdom' to share. You must keep posting and be honest. xx

kazmus · 29/05/2011 18:24

you are so right lavandes, the bereaved parents group I attend all say it is the only place they feel really free to keep their loved ones memory active. It seems most people have hit the problem of others needing them to 'move on' and not understanding that you never do from this kind of loss. You may learn to live a different life and even find new joys, but the edge of the cliff is never more than a footstep away and then it's only those who have been through the pain of losing a child can understand how you feel and how vulnerable it leaves you. Some of the ladies lost their children over 30 years ago and they still need the comfort the group can bring. Cheese...it doesnt matter what you say or how often you say it, if it helps then it has to be good for you, and that has to be right. Hugs for everyone

lavandes · 29/05/2011 18:34

I think I am coping quite well. But sometimes it just hits me. Today I was busy cooking lunch, then out of nowhere I thought ' I am never going to see him again' and I had a few tears. That is how it is, and I think it is how it always be. xx

kazmus · 29/05/2011 18:58

same here, it is younger daughters birthday soon and went to buy her card. Took one look at the darling daughter section and the sister cards that she will never receive again and that was it. Had to pretend a huge interest in happy retirement cards while dh went to pay and I had to wait for the tears to stop.:(

lavandes · 29/05/2011 19:24

We have all been thrown into a world we never thought we would be in, and it is totally crap!!!!!!! xx

TooImmature2BMum · 29/05/2011 22:55

Oh people. Big hugs of comfort to you all.

I have discovered that if I feel totally crap, exercise does help. It gives me one little thing to be pleased about, if I managed to do something. I have started the 30 Day Shred because I was so fed up with rollercoasting from 'upset about Thea' to 'upset about horrible post-pregnancy body' and back again. It's giving me a small sense of achievement - this is the first time I have ever stuck to an exercise regime for more than 2 consecutive days. It's just a shame it took something so awful to motivate me. It's actually quite scary how much my spirits rebound when I've Shredded - it shows me how low they were in the first place.

shabbapinkfrog · 30/05/2011 08:09

Morning girls xx