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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

973 replies

frasersmummy · 15/04/2011 08:12

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

OP posts:
peterpansmum · 16/05/2011 21:57

Hugs FM xxx Physical tiredness on its own is hard enough to cope with but coupled with emotional tiredness it becomes downright exhausting x

gingegirl · 17/05/2011 00:40

peterpansmum, thanks for being so understanding! Did your little boy die of cot death? When I hear of cot death it makes me so sad because Often there are no answers!! You mentioned that you had twins, is the other baby doing ok? Can't imagine having the grief to cope with on top of looking after a baby!! I take my hat off to you!!!! On the other hand I suppose having something to focus on may be a comfort!
We have a 7 year old daughter also and I am finding it difficult to be strong for her!!! She has taken it so well though!?!? It's going to come out one day soon I think though!!! Has to!!!

shabbapinkfrog · 17/05/2011 06:43

Morning girls xx

peterpansmum · 17/05/2011 07:38

Morning xx

hiya ginge, gregor died very suddenly n unexpectedly and initial postmortem results they suspected cot death but 5 months on we found out he had died from an overwhelming virus. I have an answer yet somehow that doesn't help me as it changes nothing. He wasn't a twin but he does have an older brother who was 4.5 at the time. He was my reason to get up every day and certainly for the first six months I survived for him... Then he went to school and only then was I able to let myself start to cope for me. I have found childrens grief somewhat refreshing as compared to adults at times! Be gentle with yourself, there are many here who are lovely and have virtually held my hand.... And we will all hold yours too, gotta dash but will b back on in the evening xxx

janedoe25 · 17/05/2011 11:27

Hi ladies,

ginge I'm so sorry to hear of your little Oliver, it just breaks my heart to think another Angel has grown his wings. I hope you find the same comfort as i do from posting here. My Baby girl Zoe was stillborn 11 weeks ago at 40+6 days, i know our circumstances are diffrent but we have both lost the most precious things in life. Please be kind to yourself and hope the following days and weeks are kind to you.

I'm having a down day today, i realised that one year ago today we conceived Zoe, it's so devestating how in one year it jumps from the happiest, most treasured time, to the most saddest and devastating times of your life. I have my Post-natal check tomorrow really not looking forward to it. I know it marks the end, i'm not pregnant and don't have my baby.

gingegirl · 17/05/2011 13:54

Oh janedoe, that's so sad!!!! It maybe different, but it amounts to the same thing!!! We have all lost a child, no matter how old they were when they died, they were still a much wanted And much loved part of our lives!! So aswell as dealing with your grief, you also have all your raging hormones to deal with, which in my experience are hell on their own!! we must take each day as it comes, there will be good days, there will be bad days!!!! We will see our babies again one day!!

CazandBelle · 17/05/2011 14:19

Belle's headstone is up.

I cannot stop crying.

shabbapinkfrog · 17/05/2011 14:23

Oh Caz - I think that makes it all so very final doesn't it? Please believe me when I say over time you will be glad (that is NOT the right word) that it is there. I think I should shut up now because I really cant find the right words.

Just to say, in my cack handed way that when I see my boys stone I read the words over and over and although it breaks my heart in two I am glad that the whole world can see they existed and they were much loved.

lavandes · 17/05/2011 14:39

Afternoon ladies xx

Sending love to you and your husband and of course your beautiful Belle caz xxx

CazandBelle · 17/05/2011 15:00

You haven't Shab. I know you are right, I've been desperate for there to be a marker you know, so passers by know it is our tiny precious daughter, but seeing it there has hit me hard. I'm sure its just the initial shock.

shabbapinkfrog · 17/05/2011 15:27

glad I haven't upset you. It is a big shock isin't it? My parents went to the boys grave last week for Matts remember day and they said all Gareths details have faded badly. They want to get them re-done and are looking around for prices. They said he looks forgotten Sad

lavandes · 17/05/2011 15:33

We had Richard cremated and we put a plaque in the rose garden where we laid his ashes. When we go I read it and cannot believe it. It is so final yet so unreal. 'How did it come to this' is always my thought. All those old people and my son who was in his prime. The first time was definately the worst though. I think in a way we will get used to seeing it and the pain will ease. I hope this will be the same for you caz.

CheeseandGherkins · 17/05/2011 15:35

Afternoon all, feeling so shattered, didn't sleep until 5.30am and then was up a couple of hours later. I was so tired but every time I started to doze off my mind went into overdrive, going over and over everything that happened.

Jane hugs, I couldn't face going to my post-natal check, I just couldn't do it. I was on anti-biotics after the birth in case of infection, well I had 2 lots of iv ones in hospital then an oral course as I wanted to leave there asap afterwards. When my waters went during labour there was meconium in it and as it had already been some days since she'd passed away there were concerned about infection for me. I should have gone really but couldn't face any newborns.

Caz I've just seen the photo on twitter, utterly beautiful but heartbreaking. Holding your hand in spirit (hugs). That's the next step for us in a few months, choosing the headstone and words.

Hoping everyone's getting through the day as well as can be xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 17/05/2011 15:42

Oh Caz have commented on your blog. Again I am going to sound very weird BUT that is the most beautiful headstone. So, so lovely. Must admit to having a few tears over 'to the moon and back.' We have said that to all our children and now say it to Lewis - except, for some strange reason, we say to Lew - 'Love you to the moon and back and a bag of chips!!' Nope...I have no idea why either!!!

Original poster
frasersmummy · 17/05/2011 15:45

caz .. I cant find the words... its nice that the headstone is up its just horrid that you had to do this at all isnt it

OP posts:
janedoe25 · 17/05/2011 17:09

caz What a wonderful tribute for your equally wonderful and beautiful daughter. Huge hugs to you and belle.

Minione · 17/05/2011 19:35

Hi Everyone

Caz Its so final isn't it? WE haven't put a stone up for Malachy yet, thought we would have by now but we'll get the anniversary over first. I don't think I can face it yet.

Had another one of those days, couldn't feel much and got myself in a complete state. Eventually I got seen by a GP who eventually found the heartbeat. I asked him if he was sure it was mine, it was going twice as fast so I think I can be reassured! Not sure how I'm going to get through the next 18+ weeks

Minione · 17/05/2011 19:42

Just looked on your blog Caz, its beautiful. Sending you all my love xxx

spilttheteaagain · 17/05/2011 21:02

Caz it's utterly beautiful and just looks so right for your little Belle. I can only imagine how much it must hurt to see it though x

Mini I'm glad you got seen today. Hugs to you, it's so hard.

CheeseandGherkins · 17/05/2011 22:08

Glad things are ok Mini, must be so hard for you.

I'm going to try to sleep, feel so tired but now I've laid down my head is working overtime again, sigh. Just can't stop thinking about Scarlett and the days surrounding her birth :(. Hope tonight is peaceful for all xx

shabbapinkfrog · 18/05/2011 06:38

Morning girls xx

janedoe25 · 18/05/2011 07:57

Morning all,

cheese i hope you managed some sleep. I seem to be doing the same re: sleep. I have so many thoughts wizzing around my head, when i do sleep i have the most horrid nightmares.

mini it must be so hard and frightening for you,i know i would be the same. I hope the next 18 weeks are boring and fly by for you.

lavandes · 18/05/2011 08:41

Morning ladies xx

CheeseandGherkins · 18/05/2011 13:40

Afternoon. Didn't sleep well again, was still awake at about 5am.

Jane Must be hard for you right now :( I went through a phase of nightmares at first too, as did dh, I don't really get that so much now.

shabbapinkfrog · 19/05/2011 06:11

Morning girls xx

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