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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

973 replies

frasersmummy · 15/04/2011 08:12

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

OP posts:
lavandes · 04/05/2011 07:30

Morning ladies xx

I can't give you any advice about your pregnancy Mini bit I can see that you have been completely overwelmed by all that you have gone through over the last 11 months. You are not losing the plot, you are scared and worried and it is coming up to your baby Malachy's anniversary. I have just gone through all the first anniversaries and It was so difficult. It is worse for you as you are pregnant and so worried about your new baby. Its no good me saying 'don't worry' but I echo what all the other mums have said and please keep posting, we are all here for you. Sending you lots of love. xxx

janedoe25 · 04/05/2011 07:43

mini i have no further advice, i echo what the other fab ladies have said. I just want you to know that i too am here for you with hand holding whenever you need it. x

Caz it is all so hard isn't it? I will be here holding your hand over the next few months too.

Well it is D-day for me tomorrow, my stomache is in knots not sure i can do this!

Minione · 04/05/2011 16:59

Hi Ladies

Thanks Lavandes I've had a much better day today, back at school and bump seems to have stopped resting and has been moving a lot! Think he/she must have been napping all day yesterday!

Jane Will be thinking of you tomorrow. It will be difficult but we'll all be here for you. Sending you a hug and thanks for your kind words x

shabbapinkfrog · 04/05/2011 18:25

Can you hear that girls? Total, total silence!!!

Just had a friend request, on Facebook, from someone I went to High school with. Not seen her since we left school in 1973!!! She has hardly changed at all. I accepted the request and she said it was a lifetime since we last saw each other and what had happened to me - was I married?, did I have children? Well........I gave her all the gory details!! Since then, about an hour ago there has been nothing!!! Now she is either making the tea, eating the tea, washing up, lounging about, or maybe running from the computer screaming!!! Grin We shall see......

shabbapinkfrog · 04/05/2011 18:29

Now I feel like a right arse!!! She just replied to me. She has had bone cancer since 2009 and is currently in remission.....feel awful now! sometimes I tend to think it is 'all about me' dont realise that other people have health problems and sadness Blush

spilttheteaagain · 04/05/2011 18:56

oops shabs, never mind, maybe she's feeling just the same having thought she's got all the problems and then found out what's happened to you over the years.

I notice TW has got the blame for my dopplering habit Blush, sorry TW! Not for everyone I appreciate that. Glad you've had a better day mini, they do seem to have lazy days and lively days don't they? I wish it was a bit more consistent!

I am trying to be brave and hopefully going to visit a friend with young baby this weekend. Her baby was born about 2 weeks after Bobbie should have been and we haven't met up since I lost her. I couldn't at all face seeing someone at the stage of pregnancy I should have been at, nor could I face a brand newborn. I was so so relieved when she had a boy, because at least she won't forever have the little girl the age mine would be. It would have been even harder. But I'm nervous. Hopefully I'll just be able to drop in for an hour or so one afternoon and see how it goes Confused

spilttheteaagain · 04/05/2011 18:56

gah, mucked up the bolding there, sorry!

Original poster
frasersmummy · 04/05/2011 20:56

dinnae fret shabs she was probs just as shocked and upset as you were and she is probs thinking there was me thinkng I had problems!!

mini glad you are better today

calling jane .. are you here .. how was today??? hope you got an answer... and that you are "ok"

its been a tough old week.. Mum is back in hospital.. hoping to get her home tomorrow.. my mil is worried about my fil. She is over reacting just a smidge to say the least. so between hosp visits, supporting my dad, and re-assuring my mi I am emotionally drained

OP posts:
travellingwilbury · 05/05/2011 06:32

Morning all x

Jane I hope you at least got some answers yesterday . Be kind to yourself , you have been building up to yesterday for a long time and might find things a bit weird now .

mini glad you had a better day yesterday .

Shabs you did nothing wrong , just told the truth , she was probablyfeeling the same telling you about her cancer . You have both got conversation stoppers to deal with .

shabbapinkfrog · 05/05/2011 06:41

Morning girls xx

janedoe25 · 05/05/2011 07:51

Morning girls,
Frasersmum and tw my appointment is at 9.30 this morning, my tummy is in knots! I will let you know the outcome.
frasersmum i hope your mum is feeling better and gets out of hospital soon.

lottiejenkins · 05/05/2011 08:04

Morning all, sorry for not being around much, had computer difficulties and find it hard to access MN on my mobile.
I have just been talking on FB to the young woman who now rents my old house. She said that her little boy had been talking to himself (or so she thought) in her house and when she asked him who he was talking to he said "the little boy over there Mum") Im now wondering if it is Jack??? She also says she hears someone moving her sons toys around in the conservatory............She says she isnt so worried now she knows who the little boy might be.................. Smile

Original poster
frasersmummy · 05/05/2011 09:29

oh lottie... It can only be Jack...nice to think he is keeping that wee boy co.

sorry Jane dont why I thought it was yesterday .. my head is fried ... I hope you get answers today

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 05/05/2011 09:39

Sounds like Jack to me Lottie Smile I think, if that was me, that would bring me great comfort. I think the lady who lives in the house has a great attitude to it. Children are very open to psychic (sp??) stuff like that because they are open minded. Tom used to talk to me for hours about two boys who lived in our old house - John and Terry Rabbit?????? I used to encourage him all the time and he loved telling me about them....he used to say they were both naughty Grin

TooImmature2BMum · 05/05/2011 10:21

Hi guys,

jane, hope today goes okay for you - virtual hand-holding across the aether!

xx

lavandes · 05/05/2011 15:14

Hi ladies xx

Thinking of you today Jane xx

Does anyone else get totally pissed off at being the subject of morbid curiosity? At work yesterday a woman (customer) started telling me about her friend's son in law who had died suddenly. I do not know this woman personally. Then she said 'of course you know because you have had your sadness' I thought how on earth does she know I don't know her, then I realised that they must be gossiping about me during their class. I have become 'that receptionist whose son died'. I said 'I can't talk about it, but I know how it will be for his wife, children and his mother, you have no idea how horrible it is'. I am sure she wanted me to tell her the details. Life is hard enough without strangers gossiping.

I am probably being paranoid. Rant over xx

shabbapinkfrog · 05/05/2011 15:36

Oh you are not being paranoid - not at all. To some people I am still the women who lost two children....the woman who had another son 'late in life'....the woman who we must all feel sorry for and tell her how strong she is - Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh. Balls to 'em all!!! xxx

lavandes · 05/05/2011 15:43

If I wasn't so polite I would say fuck em all!!!!!!!!!!

shabbapinkfrog · 05/05/2011 15:49

fuck 'em all x 2 I reckon!!

CheeseandGherkins · 05/05/2011 16:17

Afternoon all, posting from phone but will catch up later, been reading and thinking of you all xxx

janedoe25 · 05/05/2011 19:39

Hi ladies, we got some answers today we didn't want to hear.
Firstly we found out that it was Zoe's heart beat we heard in the assessment unit ( we were told it was mine they picked up), dr showed us the print out, her heart rate was normal for a while then dropped dramatically, picked up again and was normal. Dr said in his opinion he would have taken me straight for an emcs after her heart rate dipped, instead i was monitored for another 30 mins then taken upstairs for induction. Zoe passed away in the time taken for me to get upstairs. the placenta had a condition called defective placental maturation, but his alone did not cause her death he said it was most likely that Zoe was laying on her cord which caused hypoxia.

We were also told that Zoe had downs syndrome which we were very shocked about as the blood test taken in pregnancy came back with a 1:750 chance. DP and I had bloods taken for genetic testing.

As for subsequent prenancy i have a slight increased risk of having another stillbirth or child with Downs syndrome. I will be induced around 37/38 weeks, offered a CVS or Amnio and Nuchal fold scan, ( they do not do them routinely in Scotland yet). i would have more scans and doppler blood flow scans.

shabbapinkfrog · 05/05/2011 20:00

Oh Jane - I have been searching for those 'right words.' Except I dont think they exist. Very often PM dont give a 'cause' or a 'reason.' I know people have said that is very hard to take in. You have some answers but, obviously, it is so very difficult, so very sad. xxx

TooImmature2BMum · 05/05/2011 20:16

Jane, you poor thing. That's the worst thing to have to hear, the possibility that a different doctor would have made a different decision which might have changed the outcome. Poor little Zoe. I didn't know babies could lie on their cords. Massive hugs for you just now.

I have finally got a date for Thea's review - it's not until the 24th. So much for 'it will be in 6 weeks'! I wish they had just been honest and said it will be more like 10 weeks.

Minione · 05/05/2011 21:09

Oh Jane I'm so sorry. It must have been difficult hearing all of that, so much to take in. Will you be under consultant care for future pregnancies? Look after yourself and thinking of you and Zoe tonight xxx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 05/05/2011 21:16

That must have been so difficult to hear Jane. Everyone wants an answer, but it's not easy hearing it is it? I hope you and your dp are able to grieve and hold eachother tonight xxx