Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Our Children budded on earth to bloom in heaven

973 replies

frasersmummy · 15/04/2011 08:12

I think we have had this title before but it seems appropriate for spring

I have started this thread in honour of all our children but particularly Fraser who would have been 7 today. Happy birthday son we still miss you dearly. You will always be our firstborn and we always remember you in our hearts

OP posts:
CazandBelle · 30/04/2011 18:03

Thanks for doing the list fm - I've been across and added Anabelle's dates.

lavandes congratulations on expecting a grandson!

cheese I was worried about bonding too. It took me a lot longer to "fall in love" with this pregnancy that it did with Belle, with Belle it was instant, but that feeling started to happen again after our early scan, and after our 12 week scan on Tuesday I know I love this baby. I just expect the feeling to grow and grow now. I'm learning that we have an enormous capacity to love, and the love I have for Belle is not being anyway diminished because I love a new baby too. My love for them both is very seperate but equal - does that make sense? My biggest fear is that we'll bury this baby too, sometimes it is so big a fear it completely grips me and I'm getting hysterical. I'm not sure how I would survive again. God only knows how I'm remotely surviving now.

Feeling strange as we're going into May. Next Wednesday (4th) should've been my return to work date after my maternity leave. Instead I've already been back in work 6 months. Plus May means its nearly been a year - May is before June, and June is all those dates I've added to the list.

TooImmature2BMum · 30/04/2011 18:09

Hi guys,

I managed to miss a whole 3 pages and a half of this and had to read right back to catch up! Thank you so much for all the support re headstones. I didn't know some places make you wait to erect something - I want something there quickly so anyone passing can see that she's there. I went up there today and it is so windy that the flowers we had left had fallen over, so we decided to go into the monumental mason shop on Tuesday. It's a big company and they seem to be clued up about cemetery rules, so hopefully they can keep us right. I hope we don't have to wait to put something up. Caz, we wondered about buying a plot for all three of us too, but never actually did anything about it.

Congratulations are in order for lots of you - hurray, Caz, Ilike and Lavandes! Bless you.

Jane, you must have had to wait ages for your consultant appt. I hope it goes okay and you get some answers. I know one thing now, though - it wasn't your fault! Don't beat yourself up, sweetheart (easily said, I know). People have suggested to me that I take someone in with me who can maintain enough distance to ask questions and remember clearly what they say - is this a possibility for you? I've been wondering about taking my mum in as well as DH, but I'm not sure she will be able to stay calm either! I've also been writing down questions in a Word file which I intend to print off and take with me so I don't forget to ask everything. I'm hoping that will help! The MW told me to call the hospital on Tuesday to try to make an appt - they told her before Easter that they had a preliminary report back on Thea and the rest of the test results were supposed to be back by this weekend.

EggyAllenPoe · 30/04/2011 21:14

good luck for your consultant appt. jane I found knowing what (exactly) had caused DS death frightening too, though when i knew, it was less scary than some of the things I'd imagined.

belle Don't worry about 'committing' to the new baby, i think with DD1 i tried ever so hard not to before she popped out...(my first two pgs did not go well, third time was indeed lucky) but was instantly happy when i saw her.

moveitmoveit congratulations!

yesterday was crap. today is better.

lavandes · 30/04/2011 23:23

Thankyou for all your congratulations. I do appreciate your kind thoughts. I am so excited about good thoughts for my family and hope for the future. My son is so excited you can probably imagine, they are asking me what I think about baby names (for god's sake he is not expected till september)know they are only asking me cos of my Richard bereavement. I say 'it is early days'. I am just 'going with the flow' I know my son will make his own mind up, I have said it is their decision and so it should be He normally doesn't care what I think about anything. Husband doesn't want to know sex of baby till HE IS born I have managed not to tell him today. It is so funny. April has been so horrible I am so happy it is over xx

lavandes · 01/05/2011 00:00

Although I am so glad April is over I am aware that some of you have significant dates in May and my thoughts and love will be with you. I cannot put into words how you have all helped me over the past year xx

shabbapinkfrog · 01/05/2011 00:44

I only just realised that it will be my Mattys remember day in 9 days time....OMG 19 long, sad years. xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 01/05/2011 07:42

Morning girls xx

Original poster
frasersmummy · 01/05/2011 11:32

19 Years shabs thats a long long time and yet as his remember day approaches they memories of that dreadfule day will be as fresh as if it happened yesterday

cheese I did hold fraser.. I cuddled and kissed him and then it hit me that he was dead .. and I couldnt do it any more. That sounds stupid because of course I knew he was dead.. they had told me 3 days before.

i remember saying take him away I cant do this any more.. I regret those words to this day ... but you cant turn back time and your darling daughter knows that you loved and treasured her .. she knows this from the way I bet you spoke and sang to your bump and touched your bump lovingly..

OP posts:
everlong · 01/05/2011 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shabbapinkfrog · 01/05/2011 12:57

I have massive regrets - Everlong is right when she says you are not alone in your regrets. xx

travellingwilbury · 01/05/2011 15:39

Oh yes , the regrets are plenty in the TW house .

You do what you do at the time with the info and feelings you have at the time .

We are all good people doing our best .

The end !

AbiAbi · 01/05/2011 18:50

Hello ladies Smile

Just popping my head round the door to say hello, hope you are all as well and happy as can be expected.

We're all okay here, DS2 is 6 months nearly, can barely believe it.

Have been thinking of Archie a lot lately, so I'll be buying se lilies for him tomorrow, and thinking of all of you as I do it.

shabbapinkfrog · 02/05/2011 01:03

I take it that the troll who started off the troll thread has vanished up its own arse??? I really hope so!!

travellingwilbury · 02/05/2011 06:51

Good morning x

I missed the thread Shabs ,

shabbapinkfrog · 02/05/2011 09:14

Morning girls xx

You didn't miss much love Grin

lavandes · 02/05/2011 12:01

Morning ladies xx

Original poster
frasersmummy · 02/05/2011 15:11

oh did I miss a chance to shout at someone.. damn!!

I was in a big dobbies garden centre today and there was sooo much I could have spent on things for Frasers garden, I wanted to spend a fortune gnomes, hearts, eeyores etc.... In the end we just got a new huge blue windmill. Its bloody mad having to buy for his garden instead of for him

hope everyone is as ok as they can be today

OP posts:
Original poster
frasersmummy · 02/05/2011 17:38

Abi if you are lurking.. of course you should add archie's dates on our list... how could you think otherwise ya nutter!!!

Its there so we can honour everyone's son/daughter...and their brave families who miss them soo very much whether they type the words on here or not

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 02/05/2011 18:17

Thanks for all of your congratulations Smile We're all doing well and ds3 is feeding like a trooper.

I'm another one who is glad April is over, although the dates I had were mostly overshadowed by the distraction of late pregnancy and the arrival of Ike. Some time this week we'll all go and visit Cole's grave and introduce Ike. It seems like a batty thing to do as I know Cole knows all about his new brother without going to his grave, but we done the same with M and it feels right.

travellingwilbury · 02/05/2011 18:21

Nice to see you Ilike Grin

How is M getting on with Ike ? It must be hectic for you all at the minute .

It sounds like you are doing a grand job .

No photos anywhere yet I notice , not that I am impatient or anything .

Did you kiss him behind the knees for me ? Grin

lavandes · 02/05/2011 22:07

shabs Sending love and hopefully strengh to you in the days to come before the anniversary of your beloved matt's anniversary. I think I may have become a little mad since I have lost my Richard, but I look at children and young adults when I am out and I think ' how would their mum's cope if they were taken' I can't help it , I think it is because I cannnot still reallly can't get my head around it, do you think this is normal?

Getting away from me, I will be thinking of you and your family in the days of May, I think I do know that the years passing do not take away the pain of your loss xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 03/05/2011 06:47

Morning girls xx

Thank you Lavendes - I think your feelings are totally normal...totally, totally normal xxx

janedoe25 · 03/05/2011 07:32

Morning ladies, Lavandes I too think what you are feeling is "normal" hope you are ok x

shabbs I hope the days go by as well as can be expected, i will be thinking of you and your family and will be here holding your hand. x

Two more days until PM day and i think i'm feeling fine about it (well at the minute!), I am going to pop up to the labour wards with a thank you card for the midwives who cared for myself and Zoe, can any of you lovely ladies suggest anything else i could take for them?

travellingwilbury · 03/05/2011 07:58

Morning all x

Another one saying what you are thinking is "normal" Our normal anyway .

Jane I think anything you take will be appreciated it is very brave of you to want to go and see them and they will know that . Tin of biscuits to have with their coffee maybe ?

lavandes · 03/05/2011 08:45

Morning ladies xx

Swipe left for the next trending thread