Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

973 replies

CazandBelle · 21/11/2010 20:35

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

OP posts:
lavandes · 25/01/2011 06:56

Morning ladies xx

InnocentRedhead · 25/01/2011 06:59

Hey, i'm still here after last night, finish work in an hour though.

Hoep your well?
x

MmeLindt · 25/01/2011 07:29

Hello all. You may have already seen this thread but I thought that I would bring it to your attention, I hope you don't mind.

Horrible to read that the OP's new friend turned away from her when she heard she had lost a baby.

travellingwilbury · 25/01/2011 07:29

Morning all x

Kazmus thank you for telling us about Sian , you must be so proud of her .

How is everyone doing today ?

travellingwilbury · 25/01/2011 07:39

Thanks Mme don't mind at all , poor woman it is such a hard situation .

Original poster
CazandBelle · 25/01/2011 14:36

in a difficult place today ladies. bfn last night and then AF has arrived today at dinner time.

Really struggling with it all. Started last nght before I tested, scared of it being a bfn, scared of it being a bfp. Not sure we're ready for this because I'm evidently not coping with it all.

bfn and I'm crushed. I'm hurting so much for Belle today because we shouldn't even be ttc at all. I'm not even sure today I want to anymore. I don't know what to do.

We've spent our whole marriage so far trying to realise this dream of becoming parents. Its a betrayal of Belle to say it, but we've been married 18 months next week and we're no closer really than when we started. We had a chance, she was here, a breath away and now she's gone.

Going to go to bed for the afternoon. maybe if I sleep the day away tomorrow it will all seem brighter.

OP posts:
Heliantha · 25/01/2011 17:25

Caz (()) - it will get better, even though some days will always be darker than others. I know you already know this, but you and DH are parents - I only 'know' you as Belle's mummy. Hold your lovely girl close - she'll give you the strength you need.

Minione · 25/01/2011 17:38

Oh Caz, its so hard. Like Heliantha said, I know you as Belle's mum and that's what you are. I know how hard it is we got married 18 months ago tomorrow, we starting TTC as soon as we came home from our honeymoon. It seems a million years ago and we were so full of hope. Big hugs x

2 colleagues who were pregnant at the same time as me were in work today (I'm assuming discussing their return). They practically blanked me, I wanted to scream at them 'Why are you ignoring me? You have your babies, I haven't.' I would have been quite happy to chat to them and ask about their babies (I don't know wherher they have boys or girls as I don't know them that well, they work in other depts.) but they clearly couldn't face me and didn't think that by barely saying hello they were being hurtful . The only thing I could take comfort in is I'm a lot thinner than one of them. What a bitch I am, but I had to take my comfort somewhere.

Anyway, hope you are all ok xxx

lavandes · 25/01/2011 19:23

caz This path is so hard with so many dark days, but you will come through and have bright days again. Don't give up because you are a mum and you will have another baby. Belle will always be with you. You obviously have a big heart and enough love for lots of babies, it will happen. Take care xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 26/01/2011 06:42

Morning girls xx

InnocentRedhead · 26/01/2011 07:11

Hiya hun, how are you this fine January morning? xx

shabbapinkfrog · 26/01/2011 07:17

Hiya - tired, broke, miserable LOL - will be fine...all will be well Grin

lottiejenkins · 26/01/2011 07:19

Good Morning all xx

AxisofEvil · 26/01/2011 09:42

Caz - I can relate to the TTC issues. Dh wants another baby asap, I don't know what I want. Its all very hard particularly as we're still heavily grieving for our lost babies. Sad

LunaticFringe · 26/01/2011 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shabbapinkfrog · 27/01/2011 07:23

Morning girls xx

lottiejenkins · 27/01/2011 07:41

Morning everybody xx

hazygirl · 27/01/2011 07:51

morning girls ,my eldest granddaughter is 8 today,so feel old , sorry not been here much but am constantly checking in.
went to course on tuesday and dont know what i was thinking of but asked why less infections in hospitals, i gave the answer because the doctors are bare from waist down, it should of been from elbow dont know what i was thinking,so embarrased im never gone live it downx

shabbapinkfrog · 27/01/2011 09:47

LOL Hazy - sounds like something I would say!! Happy Birthday to your Grandaughter. Good to see you on here xxx

kazmus · 27/01/2011 11:01

ooo hope to go to your hospital!! lol

frasersmummy · 27/01/2011 11:16

hey guys...

Life goes past too quickly, I cant believe its going to be 7 years in April since my darling Fraser was born

I dont seem to have time to think about him the same since Ross went to school. The week goes past in a blur of school run, karate, football work and BB

Then when I do get time to think i feell really guilty for not having taken the time over the last few weeks

It seems to be getting easier to cope with in that I dont cry every day .. but the lack of tears feels wrong ...

does this make any sense??

shabbapinkfrog · 27/01/2011 11:20

Total and utter sense FM. Remember last year when I said my boys had 'gone?' They still have for most of the time. I never thought I would go for more than five minutes without thinking about them, but, as you say, every day is full - maybe that is a good thing?

Other people would call it 'getting over' it - I think its more learning to live with 'it'.

Dont be hard on yourself sweetheart xxx

kazmus · 27/01/2011 11:31

a friend said to me its like an abyss, in the early days you are on the edge constantly in danger of falling over, as time goes by the abyss still remains you just move a safer distance from the edge. It will always be there and you always have to be prepared to be blown close again during an unexpected storm. Make the most of the calm days. xx

kazmus · 27/01/2011 13:40

Now let's see how well i can resist the storm. Have just received date for some serious hospital tests...on her birthday in the hospital where she was born. Why does fate enjoy kicking you when you're down already. It will be the first birthday without her without all this as well. Sorry for moaning but so bloody unfair!

peterpansmum · 27/01/2011 19:08

I've been thinking about you FM xx I totally can empathise with your feelings as I often feel like that too x

have had an intense day today. Started a training course last week and was back there today for the second day... Had got through all two days without discussing my children at all ... Course is 6 other total strangers who know nothing about me and I kinda thought last week that it was nice to be somewhere and not be labelled if that makes sense? Anyway as we were about to leave one of the other ladies said to me you haven't said much about your family do you have children? .... So I told her I'd had two boys... Next entirely innocent question... So how old are they? My eldest is six and my youngest would have been four next month but he died a couple of years ago... I could tell this made her really uncomfortable and she then went on to ask loads about ds1 whilst almost ignoring what I'd just said arghhhhhhhhhh why is it so feckin hard for people to acknowledge and say something??