Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

[CazandBelle]

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

Evening my friends. Everybody OK? xx

Hiya shabs just headin to bed. Ds1 been halucinating again tonight... He woke up screaming... Scary stuff. How's tom doing tonight? How's you? I had a really good counselling appt today... Made me realise how far I've come since the dark dark early days. Love and hugs to you my friend xxxx

Im not too bad love thank you. Tom seems 100% better - sorry that your little man is not so good again. Sending love and hugs for him.

I am having nightmares every night. Always in the same house surrounded by the same people....I dont know any of them and dont know the house I am in. I spend the entire nightmare fighting with all of them - men and women. I am getting too afraid to go to sleep. Very odd!!!

Im glad your conselling is going well - really glad xxx

That is odd but also must feel exhausting when you do wake up... I still haven't dreamt at all since gregor died. But dh often has horrid vivid dreams. Here's hoping our lads will both be feeling much better tomorrow... Night night all xxxx

Night love xxx

I am, at the moment, keeping all my fears, worries and disappointments close to my heart and not talking about them like I usually do. I think it is a direct result of the way I am feeling. I think that because I dont know anyone in the nightmares. I woke up in the middle of the night having a full blown panic attack I am very weird

You are not weird at all anything but! I had noticed you have been quiet of late, not like you as you say but we all have to do instinctively what feels right... U know where i am if you fancy a chat... Huge hugs xxxxxx

Oh thank you - things have been getting on top of me to be honest. Marriage, money, etc etc - all will be well, all will be well. xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Shabs that sounds horrible , did the same thing happen last night ?
I am sorry you are having such a tough time , the money thing I can definetly relate to .

We are coming to the end of the thread , any volunteers ?

Not as much last night....but my anger towards whoever the hell these people are is overwhelming. I am punching them and winning each fight I wish I could recognise one person OR where I am. I just know the rage I am showing is not what I am like in RL.

I dont mind doing a new thread but if anybody else wants to please feel free to volunteer. Lavendes - do you fancy doing it? xxx

Maybe that is the problem Shabs ? All this anger and emotion that you try and keep a lid on has to come out somewhere I suppose .
You need to go out in real life and give someone a good kicking .

Maybe not an actual kicking but a good verbal bashing and get it all out .

Oh believe me if I started I would NOT finish!!! I need to talk to the man who knocked Matty down. I need to ask why he never said sorry, why he laughed in my face in our local pub. Almost 19 years have passed now. I would also like to punch him so hard that he would never, ever forget the anger of a bereaved Mum xx

And noone would blame you for doing it either Shabs but if that can't happen how do you stop him making you feel like this ?

You deserve to be at peace in your own head . I know how tiring it is to have thoughts constantly rushing around .

Dont think there is a way to stop him, to be honest. Its just another thing that I am going to 'have to learn to live with.'

Oh Shabs , that is shite , I wish I could do something to help xx

Just talking helps a lot. Having a bit of a low day I think xx

It is understandable , especially if you have got a load of other worries . I know I am stressed about money at the minute and it seems to make everything else a lot harder to deal with xx

shabs,hope things get better, were all in same boat money wise ,i hate january seem to spend too much ,went out with couple of friends that i havent been out with for over four years, i went through a stage of hating her because she thought i should be over everything, but last night was lovely.

Hello ladies xx

I have started a new thread (second attempt, I have asked Mumsnet to remove the first one), hope it is ok but I have no idea how to put a link on. Would someone else do it for me please.

shabs I am so sorry you are having such a horrible time. I don't know how to help you but I am here and will listen. The mind is so scary when it is working overtime isn't it xx

here it is

Thank you Lavandes x lovely title x

Many thanks tw We have a plaque for Richard in a rose garden at the crematorium and we just put his name and 'forever in our hearts' on it because that is where he is now xx

Thank you Lavendes xxx