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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

973 replies

CazandBelle · 21/11/2010 20:35

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

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frasersmummy · 27/01/2011 21:27

awww thanks for the kind words everyone

I like the analogy of the abyss and the stormy days

kazmus thats too cruel.. perhaps if you explained the situation they would re-arrange for a few days later

Its a nightmare telling folk isnt it ?? I mean how hard is is to say .. ohI'm sorry to hear that .. what happened .. or would you rather not talk about it . Or oh that must be really hard for you - what was he called?

Original poster
CazandBelle · 27/01/2011 23:05

Evening ladies.

kazmus the anaolgy of the abyss seems spot on and all week this week I've been teeting on the edge.

I don't even know what to do this time. I just seems deeper and darker this time somehow and I don't know what to do. I'm hoping this is just an extra mix of bad pmt stuff thrown in, but I really do feel like I've stopped coping this week.

The answering "any children?" question and telling people thing is the bit I still haven't learnt how do to at all. I fumble through it, knowing I'm going to make somebody very uncomfortable but at the same time I'm not going to say none, because that doesn't feel comfortable to me. I would feel I was betraying Belle.

DH is away with work tonight so I'm home alone. I hate it. It's too quite, too dark and I'm feeling really anxious.

OP posts:
Original poster
CazandBelle · 27/01/2011 23:06

or even quiet....

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kazmus · 27/01/2011 23:14

caz you must look after yourself first and foremost, you do not need to worry about making others uncomfortable, that is their problem not yours. There are plenty of arms here to pull you away from the edge so keep telling how you feel. xx

shabbapinkfrog · 27/01/2011 23:33

Caz come here sweetheart. Always here for you - miles may separate us but always here for you. The feelings you are having are so hard to deal with. Sod anyone who feels uncomfortable when you talk about your precious girl. Keep talking - we are all here for you. Will check back in, first thing, try to get some sleep love. Night night, sleep tight xxxx

shabbapinkfrog · 28/01/2011 06:45

Morning girls xx

hazygirl · 28/01/2011 07:53

morning caz hope you managed to get some sleepx

travellingwilbury · 28/01/2011 09:10

Morning all x

Caz how you doing this morning ?

kazmus , dates are so hard especially at first but maybe you could try and turn it round in your head and think of having this shitty appt on Sians birthday as a good thing . She will def be looking out for you won't she ?
My brother had to have open heart surgery on Harrys anniversary in Dec and it was really hard but I did try and think of it as Harry would be looking out for him on his day .

frasersmummy · 28/01/2011 09:37

hey Caz hope you feel a bit better this morning ...

It will get easier to tell people about Belle. With time you realise that your grief is just part and parcel of who you are and people just have to deal with it just like they would have to deal with a disability.

you should never be worried about telling people about Belle... she is and will always be your family

As my midwife said to me ... there will always be 3 of you .. one day there may be 4 or even 5 of you but for now there will always be 3 of you

frasersmummy · 28/01/2011 09:38

That last post reads really strangely . I have tonsilitis and I cant seem to think straight .. hopefully you get what I mean

peterpansmum · 28/01/2011 10:13

Morning all x have a day of housework lined up and really can't be bothered!!

Hiya caz sometimes I have found I've had to hit real lows before I can start to claw my way back... It is how it is... Grief is exhausting. Keep talking to us and we'll all hold your hand and try to help keep you afloat xxxx
if it offers you any solace in my experience nearly two years on the lows still happen and can be intense but don't last as long as I reckon my grief muscles are better exercised than they were in the beginning... One day at a time... Big hugs xx

travellingwilbury · 28/01/2011 10:42

Me too ppm , I have got loads of people coming round tomorrow and some staying the night . So I have got to do a complete blitz and do some cooking as well .

I really need a good kick .

fm you are right and I wish I had told more people about Harry , I am in a weird situation now of people knowing me as a mum of my two boys but a lot either don't know about Harry or just never mention him .

peterpansmum · 28/01/2011 11:07

(gives TW a good hard kick Smile )

lavandes · 28/01/2011 13:52

caz Grief is so exhausting without having to worry about what to say to people, worrying about all the 'firsts', all these hurdles we have to jump. I seem to make people uncomfortable on a regular basis. To be honest I don't care anymore, I have realised that what I am feeling is more important.

You have endured so much over the past months and sometimes it feels like being thrown back to square one and having to start again. You will come through these dark days. You are a strong woman as you have proved so far.

I am probably rambling but I hope you know what I mean.

We will get through this together, we are not alone. xx

lavandes · 28/01/2011 13:54

Sorry forgot to kick tw xx Smile

shabbapinkfrog · 28/01/2011 14:27

OMG I am having a weird day!! Everything I touch is going wrong Grin Thank Gawd its Friday - off up to my friends tonight - not been out all week - Tom has had 3 French exams this week so 'we' have been busy revising!!

Original poster
CazandBelle · 28/01/2011 22:33

Hello all, thanks for asking, today I'm 'ok' - whatever that is... DH has said today I'm not myself and withdrawn. However I'm not feeling as bad as yesterday which is good because yesterday was just awful, the worst I've been in a long time.

God the lows are tough to roll with aren't they. My head the last few days, I really don't think I've been thinking like a normal person at all.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Planning a long lie in and quiet afternoon tomorrow, just some time out time I need I think.

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peterpansmum · 28/01/2011 23:39

Evening caz and glad to hear today has been a little easier for you. Whenever you find out what the hell normal is then please send me some LOL!!

I've had a productive day today ... Nothing planned for the weekend ... Quiet time needed here as the last week or two has been hectic.

shabbapinkfrog · 29/01/2011 08:08

Morning girls xx

Original poster
CazandBelle · 29/01/2011 11:42

On Monday Belle will have been gone for 32 weeks, she'll have been gone for as long as I had her.

:(

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shabbapinkfrog · 29/01/2011 12:15

Caz I now just what you mean. I remember when Tom turned 8 years old...my thought was that he was only the second of my four children that had reached 8. I dont know of a way to get around thoughts like this. I think we just have to crawl through them IYKWIM? xxx

kazmus · 29/01/2011 12:38

Just keep talking to people who truly understand what you are going through. So far this week I have had the helpful comments of 'it must be getting easier now' (after 5 months!) and 'why don't you get a dog to love'!!! We will all have these thoughts, I wonder when I will stop counting in weeks,just remember the death of our darling children leaves a heartache that will never heal, but memories that noone can steal.

peterpansmum · 29/01/2011 14:04

Aw caz I totally get it I have the same barrier to come at the end of march when gregor will have been dead for 2 years and eleven days ... It's been on my mind for ages but have never written it down Sad

lavandes · 29/01/2011 23:30

I am sending love and strength to you all with anniverseries. Feeling sad at the moment, hope to feel stronger tomorrow xx

lavandes · 29/01/2011 23:30

Is anyone awake xx