Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

tw sending love to you and your family this weekend. Will light a candle for your dear baby Cole on Sunday. take care xx

Morning girls

We are off on holiday this morning for a week and may or may not have internet, so if I disappear its because I am in rural Devon with no signal!

Take care all, catch up soon x

Morning all. I'm slcaking lol i should be doing all the housework before ds goes nursery so i can then go town get is birthday presents, fireworks and last little bits for tonight. We're having a party and so far i dont know how many people to expect lol. All part of the fun. This afternoons going to be filled with making chilli, toffee apples kids punch and possible rice crispie cakes and rice pudding. I can't wait I'm such a big kid i love fireworks and having people round. Is going to be a madhouse, Ds will get really excited for the fireworks and having GP's and DU and gf here and DH;s best friend and his family. Quick coffee then get on i think lol.
Hope your all ok.

Hope you have a restful break spilt.

split have a gentle time away.

Survived another morning at work. Now I'm feeling shattered! It is the anniversary of my Grandad's death today (3 years, its also his birthday). I'm going to the cemetery in a little while to light sparklers with him. Going to light some with Belle too. First time her name will be written with a sparkler.

Did anyone find that they were disappointed by the very people that they thought they would get the most support from?

I mentioned the other day that my SIL (husband's sister) said that she thought I should be moving on by now. She phoned the other night and said that herr daughter had noticed that someone was using Richard's facebook account. I hadn't noticed but I am not very good at facebook. She asked me if I should shut it down. I said no it was for his friends to leave messages if they chose to, not really my business. I looked at it and found that Richard's eldest son had been there - I had told their mother the password - and he left a lovely message to his dad telling him that he loved him. He has not really spoken much about Richard, he is a very 'deep' child, he is 12. I think this is good that he can put his feelings down in writing. I will not tell him that I have seen it.

I am getting the feeling that SIL wants us to stop talking about Richard. To me it is like wiping him from the record.

I am probably overreacting but I am a little pissed off by her attitude. I thought that instead of telling me I should be moving on etc she would cry with me. She did love Richard.

Just needed to get this off my chest. Everything is so difficult still. I miss him so much.

lavandes - hugs for you. You are not overreacting. I really do not see why people think they have the right to tell us how and what we should be feeling or doing. How dare they? they've just got no idea. You take lots of gentle steps. xxx

Well tonight I've been locked in the cemetery!

Anabelle obviously thought it would be a funny game to play on her Mummy and Daddy!!!

We spent some time with Grandad and did some sparklers and then went across to Belle.
We both wrote her name with a sparkler - it was actually really lovely.

We finished the sparklers at about 5.25 and made our way to the gates (cemetery closes at 5.30!), we got to the gates at 5.26 and could see the man had just locked up and got back in his van. DH flashed the lights at him 3 TIMES but he drove off! So there we are locked inside. He must've seen us! and we were there before gates were supposed to be locked too.

My first reaction was to cry! But I think it is really funny now, and that my girl is a little minx! We had to ring the emergency council number and sit there for 45 minutes waiting for them to send someone out to us to let us out!

Memorable first bonfire night with Belle!

Hi all counselling ok, counsellor nice nothing new but suppose i ve got to keep going.Really sad today and angry.Went shopping earlier to get some jeggings [my sis finally convinced me i m not too old for them] couldn t get any in my size, had seen some nice mittens in new look again they weren t in the shop.

Ever feel like the whole fuc*g worlds against you? Soo pis**d off with it all.Why couldn t Georgie have just been here? Sick of all the fireworks and just wish it was a years time .

Sorry for moaning post feel soo down and fed up me and DH snapping at each other.Like above post just needed to vent.LAVANDES same as you XX

SPILT have a lovely time away XX

CAZ hope you re ok?

AXIS hope you re plodding on?

SHELLY enjoy you re bonfire/fireworks.

Hi to everyone i ve missed xx

Morning ladies xx

ilike I am so sorry I put tw on my message instead of you. Cottonwool head.

I will be thinking of you and your family this weekend and I will light a candle for your dear baby Cole on Sunday. take care xx

Morning girls xx

Lavendes I think having Richards facebook is fantastic. Truly lovely. I dont find it weird at all. I have two friends on FB who have died and their families have left their FB accounts going. Its brilliant to be able to go on and talk to them. Stuff anybody who thinks they shouldn't still be active.

Went to my brothers 50th birthday party last night and had a couple of heated debates with my SIL's sister I had no money to buy my little bro a present so got my favourite photo frame and put some pics in of us as kids. He loved it and was shocked to see how much he looked like my Matty when he was a little lad. She was telling me it was time to move on and I strongly disagreed with her LOL!!

Fireworks were fantastic DS loved it and was nice to have family together.
I memorialised my db's facebook profile it kept coming up as a sugguestion for me to talk to him or something. It means people can write on his wall still but people can't find him if they search for him or add him as a friend. I quite often write on it.

I love the present you got for your brother shabbs very sweet and thoughful.

Where do people think we should move to? Is there a guide I've missed? Or is it easier to box someone's life away and never refer to them again?

I think Richard's facebook is fantastic, too, especially for the children.

Your cemetery story made me smile, Caz, although I know I'd have cried too in your position :) Perhaps Belle was showing you that it's ok to laugh, even somewhere so sad?

Enjoy your break, Spilt.

Love to all, especially Ilike this weekend x

Thanks for having us in your thoughts ladies.

No need to apologise Lavandes

Your brothers bday present sounded lovely Shabs. Shame you sil sis couldn't keep her mouth firmly shut.

I feel quite calm today. I think it's because I had a meltdown last weekend and got it out a bit earlier than expected. However, who knows what tomorrow brings? Three years since I saw my boy and he's forever a baby, where has the time gone?

Toms favourite primary school teacher has died today - he is heartbroken.

Think she was in her early 40's - 4 children her FBook page is full of messages.

Im sat in my DS1's house babysitting for Lew and Toms laptop is working overtime. All the kids who were taught by her are distraught. They are all sending messages on FBook.

Tom is sat watching tv and having a quiet cry.

RIP Mrs Brayshaw - you were outrageous, you had a wicked sense of humour, you cared for my son, you respected him a great deal, and you were an amazing teacher. Her classroom was always noisy and there was always laughter when she was teaching.

Dont understand this life at all x

shabs That is so sad. I don't know what to say, just that we 'grown ups' have more life experience to begin to deal with these horrible things but young people have all the hormones etc going on and we don't always know what is going on in their heads. Do you know what I mean? Please give your Tom a big hug from me. He does not deserve this. Take care xxx

I cannot understand this life either at the moment. I have always tried to do the right thing but I have been thrown into this nightmare. WHY!!!

You are right Lavendes. I just posted on her FBook - both her parents have left wonderful messages. I think I will private message her Mum and Dad and see if they want to have a talk - It hit me right in the face when I read their words and looked at their pictures - they are walking the same crappy path as we are xxx

Morning girls xx

Just lit my candle for your precious little man TW. Sending all my love to you xxxxx

Thinking of you today Ilike xx

Hugs to u ILIKETOMOVEIT XXX

4 weeks today since My gorgeous Georgie was born asleep.Feels like years ago soo miss her so much.This is so shit.

Ilike big hugs to you today , a candle will be lit here in sunny Sussex x

Comewhine a candle is lit here for you Hannah too x

Oh TW I am so sorry - I meant to send that message to Ilike - please forgive my stupidity.xxxxx

Ilike - thinking of you today. xxx

Everlong - I also missed your DS's remember day yesterday. Im sorry I seem to have become senile over this last week.

RIGHT - My candle is now lit for all of our precious boys and girls.

ilike thinking of you today,candle lit here xx

Thanks for your thoughts, it means so much.

We went to visit C this morning and took some flowers and let off a firework for him. I used to find his grave a comfort and the yearning to go and see him there was very strong. But now it's almost the opposite.

The real heartbreaker was M saying 'hello C' and 'goodbye C' when we arrived and left. I am angry for C that he never made it, and I'm angry for dh and I because we miss him so much, but I'm really angry that M will never know his older brother.

My morning sickness is bloody awful this afternoon, I don't know if it's the ms or just a symptom of feeling so blue......

If you're lurking everlong, I hope you're doing ok xxx

Also happy birthday to Hannah. I hope today passes gently for you CWWM.