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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

946 replies

shabbapinkfrog · 04/10/2010 10:08

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

OP posts:
AxisofEvil · 04/11/2010 11:51

Hello ComeWhine Smile

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2010 11:54

The dates really are rubbish aren't they ?
All the what ifs and what should have beens .

We would love to hear about her if you want to talk but completely understand if you don't .

spilttheteaagain · 04/11/2010 12:03

Utterly with you on the dates (esp the build up) being hard. 4 weeks today since the scan where we got our bad news. Thursdays are my worst day by far and it's the build up to the appointment time that is the most distressing.

As TW says, we've love to hear if it helps.

Be gentle with yourself x

ComeWhineWithMe · 04/11/2010 12:11

Hello Axis.

Thankyou wilbury She was called Hannah and had loads of dark hair she came three weeks early 5lb 5oz.
She had a sticky up bit of hair -dp nicknames her Morph because when she made a noise it sounded like the noise Morph made.
She smiled once - I can't remember too much of her at home it all went fast.

She got ill with bronchiolitis the doctor came out on a Monday when she was 4 weeks and admitted her she told us not to worry we wouldn't lose our "little babe".
This is the bit I remember so clearly.
She spent two days on a general ward but it was decided they were going to put a drip to help her and she stopped breathing I remember screaming and a nurse holding onto me up to stop me running after the doctor who was holding dd and running to a room.

After an hour we could go and see her she was stable and had had an apnoe they were going to send her to ICU we went in and her eyes looked so sad she looked at us as if to say help me dp said he held her hand and she squeezed his fingers ...that was the last time she ever responded to us.

They put her under up in ICU the consultant said she had 90% of been ok.
That night she crashed nobody would talk to us we had to sit in a room until a nurse came in and asked us if we wanted to get her baptised .....we did all our family were there it was horrible it seemed as though we were giving the go ahead to her dying.

They tried from Wednesday to Sunday to help her everything shut down her brain swelled and they taped her eyes shut as her pupils looked awful one stupid nurse who was bank staff forgot to put something on her mouth and she got a blister from the heatlamps.

We sat with her I begged her I played christmas carols to her everybody came to see her ....my aunt fetched my elder son who was only 14 months into to say bye to his sister and the nurse held hannahs arm as if she was waving to him.

I went a bit mad on the saturday and started asking my dad to fetch her nappies and pram in as I was taking her home but he wouldn't.
saturday night another little girl came in and was in the room next door she dies the same night and I can still hear her Mum screaming and trying to hit thr doctor.

Hannah's turn was sunday I felt calm robbie williams was on the radio singing angels I can remember that -just me and dp stayed while she died I held her and they took her tube out and she just went dp ran out of the room and left me alone I just held her.

ComeWhineWithMe · 04/11/2010 12:15

I'm sorry if my last post upsets anyone and I'm sorry for the rubbish typing.

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2010 12:17

Hannah sounds adorable , I am so sorry you had to go through all that . The images in your head are so hard to live with aren't they ?

My son died on the 2nd Dec so the whole build up to christmas just feels so wrong .

I have just seen your thread , please don't worry about coming on here whenever you feel you want to . We all come and go and we have a few people who just pop in every now and again .

ComeWhineWithMe · 04/11/2010 12:18

Thanks TW, I am very sorry about your son it is very hard some days isn't it?

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2010 12:18

The writing it down and seeing it in black and white is hard , it did make me shed a tear but I would never begrudge you that .

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2010 12:21

It is hard , I know it seems mad but some days I would give anything to go back to those early days of grief . At least then people would allow me to be a mess and wouldn't ask me what was wrong .

The stiff upper lip thing all gets a bit bloody tiring sometimes .

lavandes · 04/11/2010 12:23

comewhine I am so sorry you lost your baby Hannah. What an awful traumatic time for you. You don't need to worry about upsetting anyone we are all in the same boat, one way or another. Only a mother who has lost a child can really understand what you are going through. You will find support here as I have over the last months. Take care xx

spilttheteaagain · 04/11/2010 12:26

Oh I am so sorry you had to go through that. Yes I have cried for you but don't ever feel sorry for your story upsetting someone. It's because we're human and we've all lost loved children that we can cry for each other.

Hannah sounds so lovely, the Morph image made me smile.

I wish I could say something helpful, but there aren't really any words are there? Nothing makes a difference and you will always carry the loss with you because you love her.

ComeWhineWithMe · 04/11/2010 12:30

Thankyou everyone.

I just feel as though I have got up today and hit a wall.
Almost as if I have to think about her today.
Nobody else understands except other parents and I am truly sorry for everybody who has lost a child -it is the hardest thing in the world.
I have to go and make my youngest dd some lunch now but I will read through the thread later thankyou everyone who has talked to me this morning it means a lot.

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2010 12:44

Thanks for telling us about Hannah x

We will be here if you want to pop back .

shabbapinkfrog · 04/11/2010 13:20

Comewhine welcome to our special thread - Im so sorry though, that we all have to meet here. This is truly a safe haven - a place where we can come and meet together and share our dreams, sadness, tears and laughter.

Thank you for telling us about your precious girl xxxx

OP posts:
shelleylou · 04/11/2010 13:30

Comewhine with me. your post really struck a cord with me my ds had bronchiolitus at 9 weeks old and he kept stopping breathing. My heart goes out to you!!!

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 04/11/2010 13:42

Welcome to our haven CWWM, and thank you for telling us about Hannah. Your story made me cry, but never apologise on here. We say what we think and what we feel. If anyone can understand, it will be someone on here.

Why is it that the harder and more graphic memories are the most remembered? I hate that I remember more of the bad times than the good times. I'm not even a glass half empty type of person. Maybe it's because our minds remember and recall the trauma ahead of the good memories?

Cole was 15mo when he died. He became ill when he was 8mo and battled right until the very end. I miss him dreadfully.

We have some dates in common. It is C's remember day on Sunday and it's my birthday on the 13th Dec. I'll be thinking of your darling Hannah xxxx

ComeWhineWithMe · 04/11/2010 13:55

Thankyou everyone and sorry for making people cry I have never really wrote it all out like that before it just all came pouring out.

Bronchoilitis is an awful virus so many babies get really ill from it but hardly any Mum's know about it until their baby gets it.
I do think there should be little info packs or cards in the Bounty packs hospitals give out so more parents know the symptons and don't just think their Lo has a cold.

I will be thinking of Cole also on sunday Moveit.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 04/11/2010 13:58

For me, writing it out is very upsetting, but like a great release of a tidal wave. I hope it's the same with you.

You're a regular aren't you CWWM? I'm sure I've seen you about - in a non stalker way that is Blush

CazandBelle · 04/11/2010 14:01

ComeWhineWithMe - I'm so sorry to hear of your beautiful girl. Never apologise for anything you say here, it must've been very hard to type all that down, but I hope in some way it helps. I find writing very helpful in managing my thoughts.

My baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping on 21st June this year. Today I'm having a black day too.

I think it was because yesterday was such a high and positive day with after successfully making it through my first morning at work, it like today has to be the opposite, and all black. I'm so tired my eyes are burning. I feel evil and resentful today.

ComeWhineWithMe · 04/11/2010 14:05

Caz -I am so sorry that must have been so harde :(.
I had big chunks of feeling resentful in the early days I hated people with babies.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Moveit- I have been here for almost 5 years now Mn is the only place I can really talk about Hannah.
Writing it all down did feel like a tidal wave I felt as though it had to come out and my fingers just took over!
I feel better for it aswell so thankyou all again.

shelleylou · 04/11/2010 14:41

Don't apologise Comewhine. I have a photo of ds when he was in hospital with it i look at it often. I will think of Hannah on sunday. I like i share a birthday with you too. How do you fancy a joint piss up party?

shabbapinkfrog · 04/11/2010 18:07

Mines on the 9th December (along with Donny Osmond) so a reckon a small schooner of online sherry wouldn't got amiss!!! Grin

OP posts:
shelleylou · 04/11/2010 18:13

So many coincidences with birthdays lol DB's best mate's is the 9th so we are having a joint piss up at my mums half way between them. Bring on the JD!!

I think we shall have to have a drink that day too shabbs Wink

CazandBelle · 04/11/2010 18:32

Feeling brighter after a sleep :)

travellingwilbury · 05/11/2010 06:37

Morning all x