Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Split I self referred to my councellor from information my health visitor gave me. Mine isn't NHS run, we are really lucky in this area that there is a dedicated councelling centre for baby loss and that there is no waiting list. So I walked straight in. I wasn't ready until Belle's 3rd month day, but I'm glad I went in the end. I'm not sure what happens with other areas, but your GP should be able to suggest something or refer. Although I've heard terrible things about waiting lists...

Comment has obviously worked because I've been asked if we all want to meet for a starbucks tomorrow morning now!

Hello ladies

Can I join? I recently lost twin daughters and finding it all very hard.

I've been reading the thread and finding it comforting to hear others say what I'm feeling.

Sad as this may sound, the last few episodes of Eastenders have also been helpful. I never normally watch it but hearing people talk about grief has had me sadly nodding along. Who knew Eastenders had a social use?

Thanks TW and Hazy. I involved DH as much as I could. He's getting on my nerves whinging all day for the past 2 days he dont feel well with a bit of a cold sorry man flu but has gone to his mates to watch football and had me cooking tea for him dispite not eating or being able to stand much. GRRR how bad would it be got go for a divorce within a year of getting married lol.

Hope you feel better soon CAZ.

Welcome Axis

Welcome Axis - Sorry you have had to find yourself here and that you lost your little girls. What did you call them?

I know what you mean about Eastenders. I'm actually finding it very difficult viewing but the utter grief and dispair is being portrayed very well.

CazandBelle - we called them Emily and Ruth. They were identical twins and developed Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. We had all the possible treatment and saw all the best people but everything went wrong and we ended up losing both of them. Logically I know we couldn't have done any more but I still feel terribly like I let them down in that I should have been able to protect them.

Has anyone found counselling helpful? I'm thinking of trying it but don't know whether it will make much difference.

They are beautiful names. :) My Anabelle was born sleeping on 21st June. (32 weeks) We don't know what went wrong. I know exactly how you feel about letting them down, because this is how I feel about my little girl. It is irrational, but guilt is a normal feeling.

I've been having counselling for a month now. I am finding it helpful to be able to say outloud how I'm feeling to a real person, instead of just a screen all the time. I think you just have to try it to see if it works for you.

Hi AXIS sorry you re here.My gorgeous Georgie was stillborn on 10th October at 41 weeks,2 days.Uneventful pregnancy following 3 MCs ,monitored quite carefully.Scanned 2 weekly at EPU up to 12 weeks, on preganyl injections twice weekly. on "baby" aspirin as perscribed by consultant up to 36 weeks.Georgie fine up to 41 weeks loud,strong HB ,had 2 sweeps 18 hrs later no HB.Don t know why.Our Georgie has gone for a PM we ve had a shed load of bloods repeated [had loads of genetic/chromosome tests in Jan this year as i work for the NHS and pushed for it in my trust]

Don t think the PM will show anything as Georgie good weight,7lb,120z...but we ll see.

I had counselling lasy year after the MCS and did find it useful.My bereavement MW is crap we travelled 150 miles today to come home from my folks to see her and she "forgot" to turn up!!!! I rung her and she was putting the onus back on me saying it was up to me to ring her!!!!! Hence, why i ve referred myself for counselling through my occ health dept at work.Waiting time is only 2-3 weeks for a bereavement counsellor.Doesn t work for everyone but i find it helps me/will help me to progress.

SPILTTHETEAAGAIN your gp should be able to refer you/point you in the right direction of counselling services if you cant/don t have access to the same via your occ health dept at work .X

Hiya girls - my DS4 Tom and myself are off to Manchester in the morning to meet his holiday girlfriend who is coming to visit for the day. She is bringing her best friend with her. My lad is so excited he is like a bottle of lemonade. They only live in Halifax, yorkshire so not very far from us in sunny Lancashire.

So afraid to 'let go' of my baby.Will report back and tell you how the extended holiday romance is going....

have fun Tom and shabs,xx

Axis I'm so sorry to meet you here, but welcome. When did you lose your daughters?

I'm another new-joiner here. I lost my baby Bobbie 2.5 weeks ago - the 20 week scan showed no heartbeat and Bobbie was born on 9th Oct after an induced labour. Everything is still so raw.

Hope you have fun shabba!

In memory of my little one:

We thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
We thought about you yesterday and days before that too
We think of you in silence we often speak your name
Now all we have are memories and your picture in a frame
Your memory is our keepsake with which we'll never part
God has you in his keeping
we have you in our heart.

-Author unknown-

Afternoon girls xx I HATE Manchester city centre!! Who changed all the buildings and took away the landmarks I used to know???? The bus journey in takes 25 mins from our house but this morning took over an hour - rush hour and road works.

Tom ran to Paige and they hugged and jumped up and down and laughed

They are in local town shopping and later this afternoon we have to do that horrendous journey all over again!!!

First love - awwwww xx

Poor shabs! I hate city life, tis far too hassley.

They sound very sweet , both 13?

Tom is 13 - Paige is 14 (looks about 20) he comes just up to her boobs She is a good girl, friendly, happy and smiley - I must admit I usually find girls very hard work - they are scary!!! Boys, IMO, are easily fooled by their Mums and are just mad but girls - I reckon you cant fool them at all!!

I suppose anybody visiting Manchester would love it - all new buildings, glass, chrome etc etc but I love the old Manchester.

She better be good to him

Dont think he cares at the moment TW - he is smitten!!

awww young love

I remember the old Manchester well, Shabbs. they changed it all because of the bombing, and never really stoped. And they call it progress.

Young love sounds sweet!

Spilttgeteaagain - Ruth was born a month ago and was with us for a few hours, her sister Emily was stillborn. I miss them more than I would ever have thought possible.

Sorry, Axis, i missed you coming in there.

I'm so sorry that you have to be here. It's so bloody unfair.

I lost my firstborn twin son Ciaran in 2004. I won't say it gets easier or better.. but it does get... different.

axis I am so sorry you have lost your baby girls. Life is so cruel and unfair. We will all try to support you and listen, take care. xxx

Evening all. Shattered after hardly any sleep last night. Have resisted napping today though so hoping tonight will be better... Too tired to cook so chinese is it.

Shab hope you and Tom had a good day!

Axis - So sorry to hear about your darling girls. My son Malachy was stillborn on the 12th June this year, the postmortem, amnio and genetic counselling never gave us a reason why. Take care of yourself, nyou will find lots of support here xxx

I have my first counselling session tomorrow, my G.P arranged it when I went to see him about a medical note for working less hours. I don't really know what to expect.

I'm a bit pissed off as the hospital rang with my scan appointment. DH answered the call (I was at work) and it is on the 30th November. Now if my dates are correct (and my cycle is so regular then they should be) I will be 11 + 4 then. So much for an early scan.

Some good news - we have had an offer on our house. Yippee!

mini :( Are they going to just consider that your 12 week scan then? I was 11+2 on my 12 week with Belle... I'm so sorry your hospital are being rubbish at getting you an early scan. Can't you ring again and really push for one sooner? Or go and see the GP and get them to push for one too?

Good to hear you've had an offer on your house though.

Hope you find counselling useful. My lady just takes the lead from you. Generally asks how I've been feeling since my last visit or anything thats been worrying/upsetting me and we go from there.

Annoyed at DH, I went up to bed at 9 - first time in ages, fell asleep around 10 I think. Then half 10 the telly gets really loud downstairs - end credits from the film he was watching and now I'm wide awake. So annoyed, I thought I was going to have an early night and sleep though :( So will probably be awake half the night again now and feel exactly the same tomorrow as I did today.

Morning girls xx