Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

That sounds very much like DH hardly spoke to me all night and i had to go find him if i wanted a drink think he only offered once. Friends and random people offered more lol.
I did get very involved in it and i had said to him before if he didnt want to hear about it tell me and i'd leave it alone. If he felt like taht about it why come and spoil the night we could hae saved ourselves no end of cash (babysitter and munch for her and all his drinks) he was hammered.

Its jealousy rearing its ugly head my love.....Im sorry to be so blunt but women are used to putting themselves last, back of the queue behind their DC, DH/DP, the cat, the dog, the hamster, the goldfish....way, way, way at the back of the queue!!

Im just looking at my DH's array of shoes, Toms array of coats and wondering just how wet am I going to get with my one pair of trainers on and my only coat that doesn't have a hood WHILST I walk a mile to pick up my grandson for the day!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr can you tell Im having a 'Shirley Valentine' day?

Dont worry about being blunt. I prefer people telling me straight saves confusion.
Aww bless ya brolly?? Hope you dont get too wet. I've got to go out later to get some cash and some cold and flu stuff only getting it if i can get it from nearest shop not walking to the chemist it isn't far but far enough. Will have to attack the mountain of dishes too dispite me not being able to stand for long. The thought of it is making me feel tired.

shelly glad it went well. Sorry you are not feeling well. I should go back to bed and leave the dishes for your husband. After men 'do everything' don't they?

shabs can't they bring grandson to you. You must start putting your foot down. xx

At the start of our holiday my husband was nagging me all the time until my BIL said ' you are like a nun's drawers' husband said 'what do you mean' BIL - 'always on'. He stopped after that and was not as bad. LOL

As its half term i've got ds at home too wish it wasn't id drag ymself to get him to nursery so i could have 3 hours sleep lol. If i leave them they will still be there tomorrow. He hasn't done anything while i've been unwell. He's got a bunged up nose so feels terrible and dragged his sorry arse to work. I bet he'll be fine to go to his mates after his driving lesson to have a couple of beers whilst watching the 2nd half of the football.

Lavendes - we meet half way between our two houses. I know Im a soft touch - I blame it all on my Mum she was the same with me when my lads were little xx

Morning

Glad to hear your evening went well Shelley :)

Who knew grief could feel so physical?

I actually ache. So so empty

I dont know what to say to help my friend...my words, I know, are not enough. Im sorry you are feeling like this - keep talking to us - maybe someone will know the magic words to help xxxx

split I am so sorry for you , I always remember feeling that raw physical pain and you are right it does actually properly hurt .

I also have no magic words but we are here xx

The physical pain surprised me to. It actually feels like your heart is breaking doesn't it. ((( split ))) I promise a few weeks down the line it won't be so physically painful every day. xxx

Quite pleased with myself. Barely recognise my house. Actually resembles a home today after I've finally got off my arse to do something with it!

It's alright shabba I know there aren't any magic words. I just wish there were.

I suppose I feel like there is just no point in anything any more. One more bad thing or loss and I would willingly just give up. I've got no fight left, no wish to "try", to "move on", to give myself little tasks each day to con myself things are getting better. I don't want to be reintegrated back into my old life and job, I'd just like to not have to wake up to the pain and the loss. Please don't worry, I'm not actually suicidal, just hopeless, and wistfully looking forward to one day not having to keep going and keep living with this.

It's hard. I know you've all been here/are here, and I know it will get easier to bear, but I also don't want it to. The pain is the only thing that makes any sense right now. When it stops (as it does sometimes) there's nothing and I'm just numb and lost.

Tis shit and I want to wake up from this nightmare. I want to be where I should be, to be 23 weeks pregnant, to have my little bump and to feel the little kicks. Not this

spilt I also remember the physical pain, it is so overwhelming but it does pass as the weeks go on. Just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself, don't rush and remember we are all here to listen to you. xxx

spilt It is shit and I also wanted to not wake up in the morning . I also understand the missing the pain as well , numbness is worse in some ways . Are you still talking to your dh ? and friends ?
I know it feels pointless sometimes but talking does help . I think it takes the brain a while to actually catch up with what has happened and the more you can talk about it the more the mind catches up . It is all so scary but it will ease I promise x

With you SPLIT its crap.We ve come home and soo far not too bad.I ve referred myself to a bereavement counsellor through work only got to wait 2-3 weeks to start.Nice to be home with all Georgie's stuff actually.Still miss Georgie like mad,got a negative pg test today soo guess all hcg gone which gives us a baseline negative test.Bleeding virtually stopped soo, all being well, start agin [first of a million little steps!!] later this week.

I agree with Travelling talking does help i talk to anyone and everyone about GEorgie.She is soo important and needs to be talked about by everyone.Also a website we set up in honour of our Georgie has already raised over £1000 in 2 weeks for the delivery suite [memory boxes etc...] that has helped ALOT.

Also, booking our annual mini cruise to Bruges for my bday in Dec as my mum says its just stuff to keep us going , again small steps, in between Georgie and a new pregnancy.

Hi to all.I also never knew what it was like to ache before hand but OMG it does hurt.

Glad it went well on Friday, Shelley. It's a pity your dh wasn't more supportive - men, eh!

Shelley it sounds like it went really well on Friday , your DH sounds like he is maybe feeling a wee bit pushed out (bless him ay ?)
All you can do is look after yourself as well as you can and do these things for your brother . You are doing a grand job , I am sure he will come round x

Split how you doing now ?

louise I have had quite a bit of counselling over the yrs and I have generally found it a really good help .
small steps is def the way x

Sorry to bring things back around to cats, but my DH emailed me this today and thought it might bring a little smile to the other catlovers too! theoatmeal.com/comics/kitty_pet

louise - I've been having councelling for about a month now, and am finding it useful. Even if to only say the things I don't feel allowed to say outloud to a real person anywhere else in life but there. After I was ill about it the other night, DH wants me to discuss all my fears around trying again next time I go.

shelleyxglad it went well x

shabs just been to lancashire took two eldest granddaughters,oldest asked where we were, i told her,she said are we still in ENGLAND lol.
it was pissing it down, but had a nice time,unlike yesterday dd2 hadnt felt baby move for over a day, she rang dh as she said id get too upset, then rang dd1,they went to hospital and i had the four granddaughters,and they kept me sane, thank god all is okxx

:( feeling rather sad. It appears my uni group of friends are all in the same place (FB places and tagging has given it away) - half hour from here at one of their houses, and it wasn't mentioned to us. Not wanted around obviously... this really is isolating isn't it, tradegy.

Caz that is sad , I am not surprised you are feeling down about it but maybe they didn't think you would want to do something that frivolous . I found that if I had turned somebody down once and said I couldn't cope then it took quite a while for them to ask us again .

I know I sound like I am making excuses for them (which I suppose I am ) and they should have asked you and keep on asking until you can face it .

Do you want to go and see them ?
Could you maybe text one of them closest to you and ask what they are all up to ?

Huge hugs I know how shite it feels x

Hazy bloody hell that must have been awful for all of you , I am so pleased all is well x

Well thats it see TW - I realise totally that even if they had asked me we may have said no depending on what day were having. as it goes we've had a good day and probably would've gone down for the evening. You sorta expect your best friends to ask regardless don't you, to remember or at least try and include you and be understanding.

I know we're self-absorbed at the moment and people are probably uncomfortable around us, but I just feel alone and very left out tonight. A bit out on our own and spare parts to the whole friendship group thing. Won't bother texting now, its too late in the evening and dinners in the oven, but I have commented on the places post that I didn't realise people were going there tonight.

Well done you for commenting , I used to just seeth about it in my head and have lots of imaginary conversations were I always had the perfect reply to everything .

It is shit and it took a lot of resentment from me and realisation that actually people were not mind readers . They bloody should have been but they weren't . Even good people can be rubbish sometimes .

Hi girls, thanks for your messages earlier, it's good to be understood.

My parents came over this afternoon for the first time, and for a while I thought it was going to be a mistake. They talked and talked about all sorts which I found so hard because I just wanted to talk about my baby. But when DH came home he entertained my mum and I got to sit with just my dad and have a long hug and talk all about it which was actually very cathartic

Showed them Bobbie's hand and foot prints.

Caz I'm sorry you've been left out tonight. It's hard, you feel alone enough with grief without feeling unwanted too . Hope your message gives them the hint they need to just invite you next time and let you choose.

Where do you find a counsellor from? Is it an NHS thing? Just wondering because that might be helpful in a bit actually just to have time and space to talk to someone.