Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Hi All we re cat lovers too .We have 2 , both 10 years old and they re the only reason we re going home.Love them soo much.Managed to go out to my brothers last night for a meal was ok but soo hard to join in with "mundane" conversations when all i want is to be at home with Georgie.

Bleeding just about stopped, soo thats good.Just some advice please ladies ? i know the official line is not to have sex until your 6 week chech and obviously i wouldn t if i was still bleeding but did anyone before that date.Is it true if you concieve before the 6 week check could be a small chance of increased infection? Understand if you re still bleeding your cx is at risk of not being fully closed , thus, increased risk of infection.But did you all wait ????

Thanks x

I don't know about the increased chance of infection, I didn't even know the official line was wait 6 weeks! I think we had sex the first time about 4 weeks after when my bleeding at more or less stopped, but I was already back on the pill so wasn't worried about catching... I think they like you to have a proper period before catching for dating purposes, but why don't you ring your Dr just for a bit of advice and to put your mind at ease? xxx

I am petrified of cats - and because I am they always come to me. I would never harm one but I am scared of them....they look at me they look right into my soul and I am scared [hconfused]

OK so hconfused doesnt work - lets try [hhmm]

Oh Shab :)

louise I know what you mean about the mundane conversations. Infact, just conversations that don't revolve around our baby and our loss are hard because that's all I'm thinking about. I get a bit enraged when someone listens for 5 mins going "hmmm, aaw, ooh, sorry" and then pauses for a bit and goes "and anyway...." and launches into something else. I want to lamp them with things and scream at them [hblush]. Sometimes it feels a bit like you've had no more acknowledgement than if you had just told them a long story about the problems with your decorating or somesuch.

As far as the sex goes, we have already tried that (just the once) and it resulted in me crying hysterically and having to give up. Not because I was in pain (my baby being so so early meant I had a very easy and damage free delivery) but because I just wasn't ready for it. It was the mental connection I made between sex, conceiving Bobbie and losing Bobbie that suddenly meant this massive sense of loss hit me and I couldn't cope.
I hadn't heard the 6 week thing either, though I think they reckon 6 weeks for stitches to heal so maybe that's what it's about?

Poor shabba, we will have to all hide our cats! They do have an unnerving I-can-see-the-depths-of-your-soul look...

Thanks Caz...Also knew it was sometimes linked to dating etc...But don t care about that as they can date from scans.Luckily our Georgie gave me a lovely birth with no tears or stitches another way she was good to me .Seeing my gp on Thurs to ask for a sick note so can change from mat leave to sick leave but don t want to ask him as i know he ll say "best to wait 6 weeks."

"Spilt shame you re having such a hard time especially with trying to have sex again understand where you re coming from re; the connection.

Shabba know what you mean about cats being able to see through you . Ours just sit and stare at times quite often wonder what they re looking at.

I think I have completely lost the plot! The water has been cut off and they have put the bowser outside my house for people to get water. They are all moaning and groaning. I feel like going out and shouting 'it is not the end of the world come into my house this is where the end of the f*ing world is'.

Rant over xx

Lavendes you just almost made me snort my brew all over the keyboard. I used to say that my life wasn't the end of the World BUT if I stood on my tiptoes I could see it!

No water I suppose we will have to drink wine !!!

Another cat owner here, ours was a stray or possibly from one if the farms, she found us round Halloween 3 years ago. She was a housecat for the first few years but does go out now, not far and I'm completely paranoid about her. She usually sleeps on our bed and is completely spoiled. Dh dotes on her! This might sound weird but when I was pregnant with malachy she slept really close to my huge tummy. The few days before we discovered he had died she stopped sleeping by me and slept downstairs . She was such a comfort to us, dh said she was the reason we kept going (other than each other).

We had sex about 6 weeks after Malachy was born, I had no stitches/tears but psychologically neither of us were ready before then .

lavandes - think I'll join you on the wine. :)

louise - hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you changing from maternity to sick? is that something you want to do or been advised to do? I've just taken part of my maternity leave, although going back a lot earlier than would've been planned.

yes mini - I agree, Fiz was and is a huge part of our keeping going too.

Before Fiz I never 'got' the pet thing. She was my first pet as we'd never had animals at home with Mum and Dad. When DH suggested we get a cat after we moved intogether I was a bit "meh if you want to" - wasn't bothered either way. Within hours of bringing her home I was in love, and quickly realised there is no such thing as "just a pet" - animals are a huge part of a family and home aren't they. I couldn't be without her!

I was so nervous about how she would react to Belle, and if she'd do anything mean through jealousy. We spent WEEKS getting her out of sleeping in our room. (which I hated, and felt really sad for her, because she'd always slept next to be or on me) That all went to pot after Belle died and she's back in so I guess we'll have to do all that again. I think Fiz is scared of little ones though - when my nieces are here (16 months and 3 and half years) she cannot get away quick enough. I suppose its different when its a permanent fixture though. I'm sure she would be jealous.

I'm really not a pussy lover.

No CAZ don t mind you asking at all? I m changing as if i stay on mat leave after this month my pay drops to half pay [still get smp but obviously no child benefit or child tax credit, which we were only going to get to April and only £40 !!!]Was orginally staying on mat leave to 7th March but will now have 2 months off on sick andplan, all being well, go back to work in Jan on phased return. I work for the NHS soo can have up to 6 months full sick pay in a rolling year.[got 4 months full sick pay left up to March].

Hello everyone xx

Lavandes , I think drinking wine when you don't have water is a marvellous idea . I am having a well deserved beer after a long long day in London xx

That loss of innocence is such a horrible thing isn't it ? I was always so optomistic about life before and was the first person to say it will work out , all will be fine and blah blah blah . But now I just think "well why wouldn't it go horribly wrong ?" I am better now in that I don't always think the worst will happen but I have last my glass half full attitude .

louise - I see. I hope you don't feel rushed to go back to work. Give yourself plenty of time. xx

tw - I was always a worrier anyway, DH has always called me "Miss Doom and Gloom" because I'd reach for the worst case scenario in every situation. I'm not sure why, because nothing bad had happened to me before. But with Belle, when we got to 20 weeks I completely relaxed, there was no doom and gloom, it was all just fantastic - and look what happened. The worse happened when I was least expecting it. My doom and gloomness is worse than ever and I know its not helping my anxiety problem. I really need to develop a positive mental attitude... or at the very least pull myself together a bit.

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

morning girls

Hazy - hope the horses leg got fixed xxx

Morning all

Shelley where are you ??? Hope friday night went really well , I am sure you did your brother proud x

Morning all sorry i've been awol. Friday went really well after the initial hiccup of no DJ borrowed one of DB's mates stereo it worked lol. We didnt get as many people coming as i had hoped. Some people who said they were coming didnt ah well we raised quite a bit of money and i ended up with a sore throat from shouting out the raffle and doing the auction. But overall i'm pleased with what we raised. It willhelp RoadPeaces helpline open for 2.5 weeks. A friend of mine won a tattoo voucher so he gave it to me (i didnt think i was that bad lol) my db harrassed me all saturday morning for it so i swapped him something for it. He wants wings round the tattoo he had done for DB so thought that was more important than the dove i want which i havent really looked into yet.
DH and i went into town afterwards and had a few more drinks. I wish we hadn't because as normal we had a huge arguement. All i managed to get out of him was that if i do another charity event he wants nothing to do with it and wont support me. I have no idea why and it has got me questioning a few things. I've come down with flu like bug so no have been trying to rest and get rid off it, not worked so far so thought i'd come and update you all. Thanks for the well wishes x

Shelley - when I was raising money for my friends DS my Hubby had exactly the same reaction. That year we went to Faliraki (as usual) and our dear friend had raised 15,000 Euro's for our charity - the hotel had a massive presentation night with food, drink, dancing etc etc. My husband, bearing in mind we have been married almost 33 years, sulked for the entire night and refused to have his picture taken with myself and Tom?????

Men cannot cope with not getting all the attention from their partners/wives. I also think I got far too 'involved' with it all - to the point of obsession!!