Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning xx

Morning, half term here so still in my pyjamas!

Hello all! Mini enjoy your pj day and make sure you have a really easy quiet week. Half term is next week for us.

DH is off with me today. Its nice. :)

Hi,

I was wondering if I could join you? Heliantha invited me.

To save typing it all out again, my story is here. We lost our baby just over a week ago to a late MMC. It's in what I think of as the grey area bewteen MC and stillbirth, because at 20 weeks it counts as a MC, but as I'm sure many of you know only too well, at that point you have to give birth to your baby.

We named our LO Bobbie, and will be laying Bobbie to rest tomorrow with a little burial service.

Today's the first day I've been alone since finding out Bobbie had died at the scan - DH has had to go back to work this morning, and I'm finding it very hard. Feel a bit panicky and frightened of being alone with my grief.

Hope it's ok to come looking for some company and a place to talk here.

Welcome to our special thread - so sorry we had to meet here though. I am very, very sorry for your loss xxx

I'm so sorry you have had to find yourself here spilt and your loss of little Bobbie. How cruel life is. I must be so awful to have your baby deemed as a MC when you had to go through giving birth. It must seem like it doesn't do your baby justice.

My daughter, Anabelle, was born sleeping at 32 weeks on the 21st June, and to me the word stillbirth doesn't do her justice. I hate the terminology and I rarely use it. She was just born as far as I'm concerned, she was born sleeping.

I can totally relate to your feelings of panic and fear. Anxiety is part of the new me. Please come here and talk if you need to, the ladies here are lovely and they totally understand.

I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can do. I wish you lots of strength. Take gentle steps my lovely. xxx

Thank you for the welcome

Caz I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I've read your story on MN over the last week when I was frantically searching all the stories of late losses in pregnancy and trying to grasp what was happening to me. Your little girl is beautiful (saw the pic on your profile).

It is really tough having to describe what's happened to me as a MC because it feels like that says my baby didn't count and wasn't a "real" person. And yet I feel very awkward using the word stillbirth because I do know that a loss at 20 weeks and a loss at 40 weeks is quite different as well. It's very hard to phrase all of these things, I worry about belittling other people's earlier MC's and about sounding like I trivialise someone else's later stillbirth.

Just had to ring and cancel my physio appointment - I was having pelvic problems in the pregnancy, but post delivery am ok - and cried on the phone trying to explain why I didn't need treatment anymore

Oh sweetheart, your baby counted as a real person. I wish there was a word for the inbetween stages, because MC doesn't cover it does it. I know what you mean about not belittling other people's earlier MC, but its not the same as having to give birth after your baby has died. And don't diminish your loss, you gave birth - it is huge, 20 weeks or 40 weeks, you'll be going through the same huge feelings and grief. The loss of a much loved and wanted baby is the same. Have you been to the SANDS website? There is a section on the forum especially for ladies who've experienced a "late MC" who you may be able to relate to get lots of support from. There are so many different stories on SANDS but the common bond in our lost babies however grown they were.

Thank you for saying Belle is beautiful :) We think so too.

I hope the hospital were very kind and gentle with you, and helped you gather as many memories as possible of your little Bobbie.

Hello SPILT, sorry you have to join our thread and I am so sorry to hear about your little Bobbie. I lost my son Malachy at 30 weeks on the 12th June, he was stillborn and my first baby. I don't think a loss at 20 weeks is a miscarriage, your baby counted as a real person and as Caz said the term miscarriage doesn't cover it.

I hope tomorrow is ok, although it will be a difficult day it will also give you some peace and comfort.

THinking of you and we are all here for you x

Hello.

Spiltthetea I have just read your thread. And the posts of others who have lost their babies. I am so very sorry for the loss of Bobbie.

Can I ask you, and others, a question please? I lost triplets at 16+4 weeks. I had to have them surgically removed in theatre and wasn't offered the option of giving birth to them. I never saw them but was offered a funeral.

Does anyone know why they were removed rather than delivered?

Caz the hospital were lovely to us and gave us all the time and space we wanted with Bobbie. SANDS provided the memory box which we've filled with pictures and hand/footprints and the cards and poems we've been sent. I haven't yet been onto their website but will do soon. I've found initially that being here on MN was easiest with the people I "knew" in the antenatal and conception boards.

minione so sorry about little Malachy. Bobbie was my first too.

Hammer I'm afraid I don't know the answer. I wasn't given the option of surgery so had the opposite experience. I was told that the safest way would be a vaginal delivery and I agreed, I think going through the birth process helped me "realise" (if that doesn't sound too daft) what had happened, sort of allowed me to work through it a bit. I wonder if it could be that they were concerned about you having to do three deliveries? Or possibly to do with where your placenta was or something like that?
I'm so sorry you lost your babies and didn't get to hold them. How long ago did this happen to you?

Hammer I meant to say, you should be able to speak to someone at the hospital to find out why they chose surgery in your case. Is there a bereavement midwife or similar who would be able to set up an appointment for you with a doctor?

Thanks for talking to me spilttea

It was five years ago this September and we have since moved house. I guess I could try and contact my old GP. He is still a close friend.

Mouse xx

Mouse - I'm sorry I don't know why the Drs would've gone down the surgical route for you. Split has some sensible suggestions though. I think however amount of time has gone by, if you have a question then try and find the answer if you think it will help you find some peace, I hope you get some joy from your old G.P :)

Thank you Caz xx

spilttea and Mouse - so sorry to hear of your losses. My DD2, Grace, was stillborn in early January, after an intra uterine death at about 36 weeks when I had swine flu. I'm now so grateful for how blissfully naive I was while carrying DD1 - since then I've had DD2 and 3 early MC's. The best expression I heard was "pain is pain" - which to me meant that there's no point in trying to work out which experience is worse as they all hurt and they're not directly comparable. The commonality we all share is that we've lost a child - at whatever age or stage. We all share that pain, in whatever form.

spilttea - I hope tomorrow is as peaceful and healing a day as it can be for you. I'm glad the hospital were so supportive.

Mouse - all medical professionals have a legal obligation to keep your notes for a minimum of 25 years (IIRC), so the hospital where your triplets were delivered should be able to send you a copy of your notes if you want them, although they may charge you for them. The PALS is probably the best starting point if you want to try for that. Fingers crossed you can get some answers one way or another.

Sorry I haven't been around for so long, ladies. I have been thinking of you, though, and lurking from time to time. Thrilled to hear you news Minione :o

I don't think I'm doing too well on the "acceptance" side of things. We made it away for two weeks in a tent in Burgundy (No. 3975 on the list of "Things We Shouldn't Be Doing This Year"), which was a nice break. There was just a constant undercurrent of something missing.

Hope everyone's keeping as well as can be expected and I'll try and hang around a bit more now we're back into term time.

(as an aside, I don't want to stir everything up again, but I was trying to catch up and realised something very weird's been going on - if its not too traumatic please could someone give me a quick overview so I can try and avoid putting my foot in it?)

Tangle - have private messaged you on here!

Thanks Shabs.

I've just added Grace to the most unto date list I could find - but it was from back in July. I'm really sorry if there was a more recent version I've missed x x x

JANUARY

4th January 2010 Grace's birthday (Tangle)
18th January 1998 Sydney's birthday (NinaJane)
20th Jan,1992 Billie's birthday (Chegirl)
25th January 21010 Grace's funeral (Tangle)
28th January 1998 Sydney's remember day (NinaJane)
30th January 1998 Sydney's funeral (NinaJane)

FEBRUARY

28th Feb,2008 Lucia's birthday (Crumpette)

MARCH

4th March 2007 Gregor's birthday (PPM)
11th March 2008, Eris's Birthday & Remember Day (FeedMeNow)
15th March 2009 Gregor's remember day (PPM)
26th March 2008, Noah's Birthday (TheLighthouseKeeper)

APRIL

3rd April,2007 Benjamin's remember day (Charleymouse)
10th April 2002 Georgie's remember day (AtACompleteLoss)
12th April,2009 Lucia's remember day (Crumpette)
13th April, 2005 Fraser's remember day (FMummy)
15th April, 2005 Fraser's birthday (FMummy)
23rd Apirl, 2002 Georgie's funeral (AtACompleteLoss)
27th April, 2006 Billie's remember day (chegirl)

MAY

10th May,1992 Matt's remember day (Shabbs)
24th May,1993 Christina's birthday (B.Butterfly)

JUNE

04th June 2008, Noah's Remember Day (TheLighthouseKeeper)
21st June, 2010 Anabelle's birthday and remember day (CazEM)
25th June,1993 Christina's remember day (B.Butterly)
28th June 1987 Matt's birthday (shelleylou)
30th June, 2009 Niamh's birthday and remember day (Woolly Jo)
30th June, 1984 Matt's birthday (Shabbs)

JULY

13th July - Callum's remember day (LittleMissPMeno)
21st July, 1982 Gareth's remember day (Shabbs)
23rd July,2009 Nimah's funeral (Woolly Jo)
29th July, 2008 Caitlin's birthday (Olissa)
30th July. Cole's birthday (Liketomoveit)

AUGUST

3rd August, 2008 Caitlin's remember day (Olissa)
5th August,2009 Felix's birthday and remember day (Tinkerbelle)
8th August - Callum's funeral (LittleMissPMeno)
28th August 2009 - Daisy's brithday and remember day (LunaticFringe)

SEPTEMBER

9th September Ciaran's birthday and remember day (Deemented)
11th September 2009 Daisy's funeral (LunaticFringe)
18th September,2006 Jayden's birthday (Hazygirl)

OCTOBER

1st October - Ciaran's funeral (Deemented)
7th October,2000 Harry's birthday (TWilbury)
19th October 2009 Matt's Remember day (shelleylou)
28th October 2009, Archie's birthday (AbiAbi)

NOVEMBER

6th November 2008 - Oliver's Remember Day (Everlong)
7th November - Cole's remember day (ILiketomoveit)
20th November 1987 - Oliver's Birthday (Everlong)

DECEMBER

1st December,2006 Jayden's remember day (Hazygirl)
2nd December,2001 Harry's remember day (TWilbury)
18th December,2006 Jayden's funeral (Hazygirl)
22nd December,1994 Jack's birthday and remember day (Lottie), Archie's remember day (AbiAbi)
28th December,1981 Gareth's (and Danny's) birthday
31st December 2001 Georgie's birthday (AtACompleteLoss)
31st December 2009 Grace's remember day (Tangle)

Morning girls xx

Shelley I will be lighting my candle to show respect and love for you darling brother today. I hope today is as peaceful as possible for you all. Sending my love to your parents as well. xxxx

morning ladies xx

I am back from Turkey. It was good to get away. We did manage to relax. I only had one really bad day when everything came pouring out again but I suppose that is inevitable. It was lovely to walk in the sunshine, swim in the sea and enjoy the beautiful scenery and of course the yummy food! The Turkish people are so nice and friendly.

It is 6 months today since we lost Richard and he is still in my mind every minute of the day.

Hi to all the new ladies I am so sorry for your losses, it is heartbreaking that there are so many of us, but we support eachother here, I believe more each day that only a mother who has lost a child no matter what age can really understand.

I am trying to control my anger and come to terms with what has happened, but it is very difficult. I am determined to 'get there'

Hope you are as well as you can be xx

Good to have you 'home' Lavendes and I am so glad your holiday gave you chance to feel the sun on your face and find a little peace. 6 months? It seems like a few days since you first came onto our thread....I bet it goes between feeling like 6 minutes and 60 years for you? xxxx

welcome home lavandesx and morning all.

Morning all xx

Thoughts and love to Shelley and family today.

Morning Ladies.

Shelley - thinking of you and DB today xxx

Lavandes - Welcome back, I'm glad that you had a pleasant break x