Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

SOMETIMES

Sometimes, something clicks,
And with a tear
Remembrances of the pain
Flood the heart.

Sometimes, something clicks,
And with a smile
Remembrance of the love
And the laughter, flood the senses.

And there are times
Where nothing clicks at all
And a voice echoes
Through the emptiness
And numbness
Never finding the person
Who used to fill the space.

And sometimes
The most special times of all
A feeling ripples through your
Body, heart and soul
That tells you
That person never left you
And he's right there with you
Through it all.

From the latest Compassionate Friends newsletter - written by Kirsten Hansen, Western Australia.

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Shabs that is lovely xx

Morning! xx That is a beautiful poem!!!

Wonderful words. Thank you, Shabs.

Love to all, especially those with baby dust on them!

Hey everyone. Sorry for being AWOL - it's been a tough week.

Hope you are all as ok as you can be.

I have my special candle ready to be lit tonight at 7pm, in memory of all our children.

Hello all.

I've had a mini-meltdown today. I have to try and stop this and pull myself together. I just don't know how.

This morning I text DH at 11.30 to see if he wanted to meet for lunch. He always has his phone on him, so when by 12.45 I hadn't heard back from him I'd gotten myself into a right state imaginging something awful had happened to him.

He finally phoned me and I was hysterically crying down the phone.

I know I'm being irrational. Fgs, I've said "finally" but it was only an hour and 15. What is wrong with me?

Its happening all the time though, when he walked up to the top of a waterfall last week I got myself in a state because of the risk involved, and when Mum and Dad were an hour and half late and I couldn't get hold of them I got in a state then, and there's been other stuff too.

Candle is ready, and I've written a poem. I'll post it later.

Dee sorry to hear your having a tough week.

Sweet little candle,
Shining so bright,
Please find your way to,
Our Anabelle in heaven tonight.

Sweet little flame,
Dancing all around,
Waving your pretty light,
With little flickering sounds.

Sweet little baby,
Sleeping so gently and tight,
Anabelle we remember you,
Tonight with candle light.

Sweet little angel,
Flying above so high,
Enjoying her beautiful wings,
Up in the big blue sky.

Sweet little daughter,
So loved and missed every day,
Mummy and Daddy so lost without you,
But trying to find our way.

Sweet little Anabelle,
Play with your angel baby friends,
Until we?re reunited in heaven,
Our family together forever again.

Sweet little candles,
All burning brightly away,
Honouring all angel babies,
On October 15th, Baby Loss Awareness Day.

Lighting my candle for all our little ones. Mummy loves you Anabelle xxx

My candle is lit here xx

Caz that poem is beautiful xx

How is everyone doing tonight ?

Hmmm... bit wobbly. How bout you?

Me too , good name by the way

thinking of you all tonight ladies xx

Sorry to intrude on your thread, Just to say that I saw the baby loss thread and, although I am so thankful never to have been in that position, I lit my candle at 7pm for all of you, your families and your very precious children.

Sending all of you love into your special
garden tonight x

Thank you pottering for taking the time to remember and honour our children xxx

dee and tw sorry to here you both wobbly. sending you hugs.

I've also been wobbly today - see previous post about minimeltdown, but have calmed down a lot since about 4pm. Been out this evening after wave of light with my Mum and sis for a late tea and a few drinks in Cardiff Bay. We ate in Bella Italias which we've sorta christened Belle's restaurant since we ate there on her due date. Decided it would be a good place to go again tonight for our angels awareness day.

I'm shattered now. Tired eyes after lots of crying today.

Night all, I hope for a more peaceful day for us tomorrow. xx

I have to apologise to all of you....I didn't light my candle tonight...I kind of joined in with the stuff on facebook and then, tonight, I couldn't quite face it all. Im tired of being so bloody sad, Im tired of wondering what life is all about...Im so very pissed off with it all. Im in proper Shirley valentine mode...I feel mentally and physically exhausted. Tomorrow is another day xxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning, I'm on a go slow today!

Shabs hugs for you. xxx

Thanks Caz xx

Hi Ladies, Hope everyone is ok?

Shab - are you ready for X factor - we're going to our friends' so will have to record it and watch it when I get back! My friends will also be wondering why I'm not drinking my usual body weight in white wine - will have to think of an excuse as to why I'm not drinking! They live across the street so its not like I'm the designated driver!

I lit my candle last night - I can't beleieve that it is 18 weeks since Malachy was born.

Caz - how are you feeling today?

Oh yes ready for X Factor - really hope Matt gets through to the next round tonight. xx

Well last night, I had another realisation of something else I missing out on with Belle. You'd think by now I'd have pretty much have had the full picture.

Last night was Mums "already retired staff" retirement do' and at the last minute a few people dropped out, so she asked me to go to fill up the numbers a bit. She even bought me a new outfit to go!! After a bit of a panic of could I do this, it was ok, I know her work collegues quite well - ironically near enough all of them taught me or my brother or sister at some point!! The 'originals' as they call themselves were a close staff that have always kept in touch.

Anyway it wasn't all already retired staff there - there was a few who had just moved on to pastures new and were a lot younger with small children. Everyone kept asking about their children, asking to see photos and know all the ins and outs - lots of fuss and oos and ahhs.

Not one person asked me if they could see a photo of Belle It just hit me hard, I've got a child too, and they all know. She has a photo too. They have never seen her.

No her photos are never going to look any different to what they do now, she's never going to change, but sometimes, it would just be nice to be included. Its pathetic to be jealous about a photo viewing exhibition, but that will never happen for me and Belle, not in real life.

Morning girls xx

Caz that must have been very difficult xx

Hi all.

Caz - the way you are feeling is not pathetic at all, don't be so harsh on yourself. Of course you want to be able to show off pictures of your darling Belle, however the DHAC's just don't know how to handle the situation. They think saying nothing is better than potentially upsetting you. If only they knew.

How are you doing Shabs and Dee? Dee, am I right in thinking you have memorable dates iro your dh around now? Come and chat if you feel you need to talk xxx

No love, his dates have all come and gone - however it is the anniversary of my mums death coming up in about a fortnight or so. Can't believe it's been two years.

Sorry i've not been around much... i've a lot going on in real life... Doesn't stop me thinking of you guys though.