Beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile, If only for a while, to know you're there.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Our thread to honour and remember our precious children who sadly are not 'physically' here xxxxx

Ive just had a very long and quite sad phone call with our lovely GP. He is emigrating to Canada and has looked after us since Wilf was born and was a great support when Wilfs dad died and since. He has backed me up ALL they way with Wilf. He asked how he was today and was laughing when i told him that the last time Wilf went he was busy so we saw another doc. Wilf calls him Dr Phip (His first name is Philip) Wilf said "i wanna see Dr Phip!" I said "No darling not today he is busy" "Please Mumma just 'oo minutes with Dr Phip pleeeeeeeease!!!?" I had to say no and he accepted it. I havent dared tell him that Dr Phip is leaving yet!! He is leaving at Christmas so i have comissioned my friend who is an artist to do a pencil drawing of the surgery for his leaving present for him!!

Caz - such a shame about that little boy However, if you can't face the memorial you shouldn't go, I'm sure his parents would be appreciative of a card. Thanks for posting the why 17 stuff, I am going to buy some Christmas cards and I might try to organise something!

We are seeing the genetic counseller tomorrow, not sure how beneficial this will be but we'll see.

Mini - Yes I'm wanting to organise something too - but not for a while. I've kinda decided Belle will be having a "17 Themed" first birthday party to raise money for SANDS and awareness for all our babies.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope it is beneficial.

I'll see how I feel about the memorial nearer to Thursday. Its quite a common occurance in work, we lose a pupil a year on average. It is very sad, but a lot of the time expected due to the nature of the little ones we work with. This is the 2nd time I've lost a pupil from my class. It is something I'll always have a lot more empathy and understanding with the parents now. I get their pain. :(

lottie - sorry to hear Wilfs fav Dr is leaving. He sounds like a nice man.

My MP has responded to my email. I'm pleased. The first one was a bit - that he was sorry for my loss and that other countries have the same issue - a little bit bleh, but a couple of minutes later her emailed again asking a bit more about the figures. I think that showed he was thinking a little bit more about the situation.

That's good that he responded so quickly. Our MP is a bit lots of scandal etc but is a safe tory seat so gets in again and again.

I might see if we can do something at school to raise money, not sure what though!

In my first school a boy in my year group commited suicide. He was addicted to drugs and in a lot of debt. He was 15. The year head and myself ( I was the assistant HOY)went to the funeral, I will never forget the sounds coming from his Mother, her pain echoing around the church. I never imagined that one day I would be burying my baby, just like that poor woman.

at THis Morning. National chocolate week FFS. They should be ashamed of themselves

Yes, my thoughts exactly Mini

Just found these words on my friends teenage sons facebook status....I dont know for sure but I think they are words to a song.....this is how I still feel about my sons xx

'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone

If anybody knows what song they are from can they please tell me xxxx

Just asked him - they are the lyrics to If you ever come back by the Script.

Its a song all about a couple breaking up but those few lines hit me straight in the face when he put them on his status.

I used to think that Matty especially would come home I knew Gareth wouldn't because he was so ill and struggled to live....but I always thought Matty would turn up on my doorstep one day........I know now that he wont

morning all xx

Morning girls xx

Everlong - the lad who wrote it on his facebook status is 16 and lost his Gran in the Summer. I think thats why he put those words. To be honest, the song is quite a fast one and talks about his girlfriend leaving him BUT thats just how I used to think about Matty. We moved about 2 years after he died but I didn't want to in case he came home.

Currently having a heated debate on FBook with one of our Dannys (childless) mates all about the MMR jab. For me, personally, it was a no go! I got every piece of information that I could find. Read it over and over again, highlighted the parts that I wanted to discuss.

Took all this to the GP's and she said that I was an 'older neurotic mother' and 'ridiculous.' My HV (was also my special care midwife with the twins) said she would sort it out so that Tom could have the jab in 3 separate lots then the GP said NO!!

The young man I am debating with is a great lad BUT he will not win this debate with me

Morning xx

Just had another councelling session. I think it is helpful, if nothing else to say how I feel outloud to a real person.

Going to spend some time with Belle now. Bought lots of pink flowers for her garden.

Im sitting here feeling very emotional. Shabs, i put your status as my status this morning before i went shopping. When i got back from work just now my niece has put it as her status too! The thing that has made me sad is that Meg (my niece) was only six weeks old when Jack died. Really makes me proud of her that she wanted to do that though!! They should have grown up together and gone to concerts etc together. Life's shit sometimes isnt it!

Very, very shite Lottie xxx

I didn't let my mum watch Eastenders last night because I had heard what was going to happen and I knew it would be too much for me too watch .

So what am I doing now ? Watching it on and off on i player . Picking a scab !
I am officially nuts .

Morning girls xx

morning girlsx

Morning. We had a powercut here last night,I was my friends whos house is 2 minutes away and her power was on! Total nightmare. Rang my friend in Weymouth who used to be an electrician. Catherine came up to help me (she was puzzled as she still had power) After a VERY dark and anxious 40 mins i rang EDF and they said it was a low power problem! It was so weird as my walkabout phone was working (thankfully) The washing machine was on. Computer modem was on but tower wasn't! At midnight the power came on and woke me up. Didnt go back to sleep till 1.30am!!

I watched Sky news till 3 am waiting for the miners to be rescued in Chile. I am truly cream crackered this morning!!

When I went to bed Shab they were just doing the final prep before sending the medic down. I said a little prayer for a successful rescue and I feel quite emotional this morning to see the 7th miner reaching the surface as I was waking up. I think it is amazing.

Going into work this afternoon - for a whole school assembly. There'll be no-one left to face at this school after today. I'm also going to have a meeting with my headteacher to get my phased return planned out properly.

Oh and the news from SANDS this morning is that after pressure from thousands of parents of angel babies, This Morning are now covering Baby Loss Awareness Week for 15 minutes at 11.30 today....

Morning everyone.
I'm feeling very low today. Got to wait in for a parcel or i would either have a long relaxing bath while im completely alone later on or go mums to do bits for the charity event.

I just watched This Morning. That couple were so amazingly brave! I dont know who cried more me or Holly Willouby...........

Hello all .

Caz I couldn't watch this morning , mum was still here and turned it off when it came on . I prefer to be a mess on my own but will probably watch it on iplayer tomorrow . I am pleased they managed to show something and I am glad the pressure seems to have worked .
How did the assembly go ?
Is it tomorrow that you have the memorial service ? See how you feel on the day and then decide , some days are obviously better than others . I do know that at Harrys funeral there were two parents there who had lost children and I was so touched that they felt able to come and I knew hopw hard it must have been for them to be there , BUT they were friends and I knew their children so please be kind to yourself and stay away if you don't feel up to it xx

Shelley , how you doing now ? I hope your day got a bit better and at least ther was something good in the parcel xx

I hope everyone is ok today xx

Mrsdevere , if you are around I just want you to know that mondays eastenders just kept making me think of you and your gorgeous girl , I hope you are ok xxx