In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

[frasersmummy]

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

Really, really hope it works for you Caz - I think I left it much too late to go, I should have gone in the 'early days.' xx

i tried it couple of times,they sent me to harrogate,seems miles away when even front gate was too far at time, went back to doctors and they sent me to mental health team, they helped a lot i think coming to terms with it, i suffered such a lot of guilt, i was crap the night he went, dh tried to get him breathing, i screamed, cried and was sick as a dog.
sassy ,big hugs , my name is easy too, thought about namechanging lately as think someone who knows me is lurking,but so fucking what is my answer to that.

Hazy - I cannot even imagine your grief for your GS now that I am a proud Gran....I also cant bear to think how you have come this far - you have done very well my friend xx

Hi Ladies

Well done Caz, my GP is arranging some bereavement counselling for me. I also had a letter today about genetic counselling, tbh I don't think is going to tell us anything as there is nothing we are aware of in either family. The only niggling doubt is the cot death of my father's son.

I haven't really told anyone this in real life but DH and I are ttc. I know some people will think it is too soon but we both want a baby so much. I'm 32 in February and I don't want to leave it any longer. The consultant said it was ok for us to try again so we've decided to go for it. I'm absolutely terrified but I know that we're ready if that makes sense.

Anyway, I just wanted to speak to somebody about it but don't feel ready to share with rl friends x

there is nine months between my grandson dying and my next grandaughter been born, shes very precious to me and dh,all my granddaughters are.
good luck and realy hope it happens quickly for you and all others ttc at the moment.

Hazy - you take your 'ttc magic dust' away from me I would end up with quads - and they would all be boys!!!

Mini - I'm pleased you feel ready to ttc... wish you lots of peace and baby dust! Please send some my way at Christmas. That's when we've decided to start ttc.

Thanks Hazy and Caz x

The counselling centre has just rang - I have an appointment for the end of October. I don't really know what to expect, I just think it will be good to 'off load'.

Sassy - I read more of your blog this morning, you write so beautifully and I had a big lump in my throat throughout. Catherine's eulogy was lovely, she was obviously a bright and gorgeous little girl x

ha ha shabsx no get back ere nowx

good luck mini and caz xx

We've been ttc practically since Catherine died. I conceived the first month trying with C, but I was 35 then, and now I'm 40,and it isn't so easy. I'm not sure I'm ready for it, but then I can hardly hang about and think about it later.

It's just shit - when I conceived Catherine I was a "good" age in terms of likelihood of conception, risk etc. Six months ago we were happy and thought our family was complete, and my completely healthy happy DD's chance of dying was so unlikely it wasn't even worth thinking about. Now, here I am - embarking on the riskiest process ever... I dither between worrying whether I'll get pg at all or whether it's more scary to be told the foetus is incompatible with life...

I saw PPM's DH has taken a turn for the worse today too. I know PPM would dearly love another child as well - but even getting to the point where they're both well enough ttc is a journey now in itself.

Just crap, crap, crap.... I'm obviously having a grumpy few days. Everything is feeling decidedly bleak xx

I found out I was having Tom on my 40th birthday!! I was 40 and a half when I had him. I wasn't ttc and was shocked to the core when I knew I was pregnant. To be honest, Sassy, it was my healthiest pregnancy out of the 3.

Any idea how I can help PPM???

Hi all, sorry not to have been around. I am away on my hols tomorrow to stay with lovely friends in Dorset. I have had such a lot to deal with lately that i will be glad to get away. Im waiting for test results for Wilf to find out if there is a genetic reason that he is deaf. He has been put in charge of collecting the eggs at the school farm! Those poor chickens..... I have visions of them having "post traumatic wilf disorder!" Can you imagine him crashing around in the hen house......???? My lovely friend Ted said he could imagine him saying to the chickens to hurry up and lay as he is busy...... Can any of you remember the scene from Frank Spencer when the henhouse collapses round him??? Hope i have managed to bring a few smiles!!!

Snigger @ 'Post Traumatic Wilf Disorder!!' thats brilliant!

Have a lovely holiday Lottie xxx

Oh what a day!!! I don't think I know whether i'm coming or going - almost scared to touch the wine bottle as i've been off it for so long now that a mere sniff may just send me over the edge!!

Today's been a bit like this.... shit blood results, hope, no hope, hope again, not much sleep, a trip to edinburgh, a kidney biopsy, a dentist visit to get ds1's filling repaired, biopsy results = no rejection = good news.....

Shabs - just by being here you guys are a help xx ... unless of course you happen to know this sat winning lottery numbers

Enjoy your hols lottie x

No intrusion at all mrspickles and thank you for the kinds words about my blog. I'm sorry to hear about your mum - it must be hard to lose a parent when you are a child. I'm writing my blog to ease my soul mainly but it is good to know that people read it and get something from it too - the feedback I've had is that bereaved mums relate and find it comforting (which is great) and that people who haven't lost chldren - well, it gives them some insight.

I think one of the hard things about being a bereaved mum is that most people don't have a clue what you're going through... so anything that helps people understand is good...

Shabs I think all we can do for PPM is hope and pray. I am really pissed on her behalf. It is not fair. Please God - could everything just go right for us all - just for a little while - because we have all had quite enough to deal with lately.

Anyway, I feel my grumpy mood lifting. I have made a carrot cake tonight
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2005/apr/17/foodanddrink.recipes
I've invited a lady from the Church (which I removed myself from the membership roll of last week ) who is terminally ill, round for a coffee tomorrow morning. I thougth it must be hard as nobody probably knows what to say to her. Then I thought - gees - what do I say... then I remembered all I have to do is listen.

There's always someone worse off, isn't there?

See - who says pray doesn't work

That's good news ppm

SSHHHHH.. don't tell, but the winning numbers are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6

lol @ ppm

Does anyone else want a prayer? I could be on a roll....

Morning girls xx

Morning Shabs. Morning all xxxxx

morning girlsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning folkses x

Morning ladies xx The end of this thread is getting near... any volunteers for the next one?