In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

[frasersmummy]

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

....and one here in Lancashire with Lewis singing his usual 'arfy urthday oo u, arfy urthday oo u.'

I've just added Belle to the list. x x x

JANUARY

18th January 1998 Sydney's birthday (NinaJane)
20th Jan,1992 Billie's birthday (Chegirl)
28th January 1998 Sydney's remember day (NinaJane)
30th January 1998 Sydney's funeral (NinaJane)

FEBRUARY

28th Feb,2008 Lucia's birthday (Crumpette)

MARCH
4th March 2007 Gregor's birthday (PPM)
11th March 2008, Eris's Birthday & Remember Day (FeedMeNow)
15th March 2009 Gregor's remember day (PPM)
26th March 2008, Noah's Birthday (TheLighthouseKeeper)

APRIL

3rd April,2007 Benjamin's remember day (Charleymouse)
10th April 2002 Georgie's remember day (AtACompleteLoss)
12th April,2009 Lucia's remember day (Crumpette)
13th April, 2005 Fraser's remember day (FMummy)
15th April, 2005 Fraser's birthday (FMummy)
23rd Apirl, 2002 Georgie's funeral (AtACompleteLoss)
27th April, 2006 Billie's remember day (chegirl)

MAY

10th May,1992 Matt's remember day (Shabbs)
24th May,1993 Christina's birthday (B.Butterfly)

JUNE

04th June 2008, Noah's Remember Day (TheLighthouseKeeper)
21st June, 2010 Anabelle's birthday and remember day (CazEM)
25th June,1993 Christina's remember day (B.Butterly)
28th June 1987 Matt's birthday (shelleylou)
30th June, 2009 Niamh's birthday and remember day (Woolly Jo)
30th June, 1984 Matt's birthday (Shabbs)

JULY

13th July - Callum's remember day (LittleMissPMeno)
21st July, 1982 Gareth's remember day (Shabbs)
23rd July,2009 Nimah's funeral (Woolly Jo)
29th July, 2008 Caitlin's birthday (Olissa)
30th July. Cole's birthday (Liketomoveit)

AUGUST

3rd August, 2008 Caitlin's remember day (Olissa)
5th August,2009 Felix's birthday and remember day (Tinkerbelle)
8th August - Callum's funeral (LittleMissPMeno)
28th August 2009 - Daisy's brithday and remember day (LunaticFringe)

SEPTEMBER

9th September Ciaran's birthday and remember day (Deemented)
11th September 2009 Daisy's funeral (LunaticFringe)
18th September,2006 Jayden's birthday (Hazygirl)

OCTOBER

1st October - Ciaran's funeral (Deemented)
7th October,2000 Harry's birthday (TWilbury)
19th October 2009 Matt's Remember day (shelleylou)
28th October 2009, Archie's birthday (AbiAbi)

NOVEMBER

6th November 2008 - Oliver's Remember Day (Everlong)
7th November - Cole's remember day (ILiketomoveit)
20th November 1987 - Oliver's Birthday (Everlong)

DECEMBER

1st December,2006 Jayden's remember day (Hazygirl)
2nd December,2001 Harry's remember day (TWilbury)
18th December,2006 Jayden's funeral (Hazygirl)
22nd December,1994 Jack's birthday and remember day (Lottie), Archie's remember day (AbiAbi)
28th December,1981 Gareth's (and Danny's) birthday
31st December 2001 Georgie's birthday (AtACompleteLoss

cheers for adding the list Ilike.. I meant to go back and look for the most up to date list but got distracted by hyper 5 year old

happy birthday caitlin.. have lit a candle here in Glasgow

Lovely thread title FM x

How are you this evening ILike?

Met a couple of friends in Glasgow today and managed to hold one of them's latest addition who's now nearly 4 months old... no anxiety - progress me thinks! how's everyone else doing today? x

Well done for making such a big step PPM

Thanks for asking, I'm ok I think. I went to get ballons and some flowers to take to Cole's grave tomorrow. You'll never guess what flowers I chose? Yup, you got it. Sunflowers. I thought of Gregor as soon as I saw them

When I was rushing around getting the flowers and ballons, I thought to myself 'what a bloody weird situation this is, shopping for things for my dead son'.

That's not meant to sound as crass as it sounds, but sometimes it all feels like a bad dream.

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Cheers ma dear - yeah i feel like the very black cloud that's been following me around since gregor died has changed to shades of grey. lots of stuff has been a bit easier the last few weeks or so. I do remember you talking about the transition you experienced (I think) and learning to live with the grief. That's lovely you got sunflowers for Cole - one of my tall ones and several of my mini ones are now flowering and they're lovely - i feel peace with them out in the garden.

Did I mention DS1 and I are going on a wee trip next week to finland? on our own without DH. My cousin (remember the one i had the heart to heart with back in may?) lives there and has just had his third wee boy and has asked me to be godmother - I was so soooo touched and have got flights sorted so we're going for four days next week. Hence the reason i was in glasgow today - renewing DS1's passport!!

i know what you mean about it all feeling like a bad dream - but our endless love for our children whether they're physically here or not doesn't change therefore that's every reason for balloons and flowers. i hope tomorrow's as ok as it can be - have you got any plans? xx

Crossed posts Sassy - what a lovely and very apt poem, never read that one before. I think Gregor will always be two in my mind but we will always the celebrate (is celebrate the right word here i don't know) 'the what would have been' birthday year on year.

Both my lads are 'in my mind' the age they were the last time I saw them - Gareth is almost 8 months old and Matty is almost 8 years old. Cannot imagine them being 28 and 26 years old - how can that be? Who crept in and stole them???? Who the fucking bloody hell could be that cruel??????????????????

That poem is just beautiful - so very, very true. xxx

A poem sent to me by a friend (lives in the USA) she lost Siamese twin boys many years ago. She has four grown children and about 20 grandchildren but never, ever forgets Jason and Jared.

PLAYCLOTHES

You lie here so still, my little son,
With long dark curls and your playclothes on.
How I wish I could watch you run
Your soft hair shining in the sun.

How many times I prayed you'd sleep,
For one more hour in my busy week.
So I could wash, or clean, or bake,
A pie, some cookies or a cake.

How many times did I get upset
When you spilled your milk upon the step
Or scattered your crumbs on my clean floor,
Or left those smudges on the door.

If only you'd wake in my bad dream
And scatter your toys over everything.
If only I could see you smile
And hold you close for a little while.

Oh God, please forgive all those bad days I had
When I got so upset with this sweet little lad.
Take care of his love while we are apart
And leave his footprints in my heart.

With his curls and smiles, his laughter and fun,
Who lies here so still with his playclothes on.

Aw Shabs that's just brought tears to my eyes, it's just such a beautiful poem. Squishy hugs for you my dear, am off to bed night night x

night PPM - sweet dreams xx

Thinking of Ilikeand family and wishing Cole a happy birthday. Much love to you all... x x x

Will be lighting my candle in honour and with love for Cole today - Im going to wait till this afternoon when Lew is here then he can sing Happy Birthday to Cole. Thinking of you all ILike xxxxx

Thinking of you today ilike hope you have a peaceful day with your thoughts and precious memories of Cole

ppm So wonderful to hear you are starting to live again. There is hope for us all I am sure, we just need to wait. Hope you and your son have a great time in Finland, what a great experience it will be for you both.

sassy the poem is so moving,it says exactly what is happening to us don't you think.

Everyone I spoke to yesterday made me cry, a very weepy day. The last one was the doctor who said I was normal (not cracking up as I thought), he didn't recommend counselling yet he told me to just keep talking to family and close friends. He said he would not expect me to be much different after such a short time. Eased my mind a bit. xx

ILike ... Love and hugs to you and hope you're able to cherish your memories of your lovely Cole today and always xx

Happy Birthay Cole - thinking of you, ILike x

WRT seeing our children as if they are older - sometimes i look at Brennan, and i do wonder. How alike would they be? Would Ciaran be as big as him, or a noisy or boisterous? But mostly he's just my baby, my forever baby.

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Sassy - I still have a few baby outfits of Gareths - especially the little white bonnet that my Nan knitted for him. Its the tinniest thing I have ever seen.

Also have Mattys school bag (and its filthy LOL) ONE PE plimsol, his favourite shirt and coat.....

I just want them back too....xxxx

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Sending love to Ilike and wishing Cole a happy birthday xxx

We went to Malachy's grave yesterday and the little plastic windmill I had bought had disappeared. DH said it had probably blown away and I hope this was the case but it made me sad as I wanted it there whilst we were away last week, I didn't want his grave all dull and empty. I had put an identical one in our back garden, just outside the door so I can look at it and think of him, I guess I'll just have to get another one for his grave.

On the subject of sunflowers I bought some for Malachy's grave a few weeks ago, they are lovely and something so childlike about them.