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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

980 replies

frasersmummy · 28/07/2010 18:52

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

OP posts:
lavandes · 16/09/2010 08:23

shabs you are so funny.

enjoy your cuppa girls I think you deserve a gin and tonic and a nice lunch xx

Mrslaurawood · 16/09/2010 09:24

Hello. I only joined mumsnet this morning so it's all new but knowing I'm not the only one going through the grieving process is so reassuring.

We lost our little baby Stanley in June aged 11 days.

I have just published 'my story' in the blogs section if anyone wants to read it. It is long but I hope it offers strength to others. More than anything, it helped me to write it.

Much love xxxx

lottiejenkins · 16/09/2010 09:46

Mrslaurawood im so sorry for the loss of Stanley. Welcome to the thead. Can you link me to your blog? I lost my first son Jack aged two hours. He would have been 16 this Christmas.

shabbapinkfrog · 16/09/2010 09:49

Welcome MrsLaura - so very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious boy.

xxxxx

Minione · 16/09/2010 09:58

Welcome Mrslaurawood, so sorry to hear about Stanley x

Ppm - that's great news about your dh. My thoughts are also with the doner's family.

Went to see HR today, completely broke down. Also sobbed in front of my Head of Dept who was very supportive. We've decided that I should have a therapeutic return, basically coming in later leaving earlier, and see how this goes for a few weeks and then take it from there. I'm off to see my doctor in 10 minutes as I need a note from him to give the go ahead. Thanks for all your wise words, it was the right think to do as I was starting to feel worse and worse and have very dark thoughts.

CazEM · 16/09/2010 10:16

Welcome MrsLaura - I'm so sorry you had to find yourself here, and the loss of baby Stanley.

Our first baby, Anabelle, was born sleeping @ 32 weeks on 21st June.

Minione - I'm so so glad you've been to see HR and your HOD, and that they are being supportive. I hope the therapeutic return makes the days easier for you.

ppm - thinking of your DH and hope he makes a speedy recovery. Thoughts also for the donor's family, what a brave thing to do.

Think we're heading for another low. Walked past mothercare in Cardiff yesterday and have felt on the verge of tears constantly since.

Minione · 16/09/2010 10:37

Just back from doctor, he also organised some bereavement counselling for me. He was very sympathetic and supportive and made me feel 'normal', if that makes sense.

Mrslaurawood - I have just read your blog, it is so moving and my thoughts are with you and your family. I hope you are taking things slowly, I now realise I've done too much too soon and tried to be 'ok' far too early.

shabbapinkfrog · 16/09/2010 10:38

Mini that makes total sense to me.

xx

Minione · 16/09/2010 11:26

Just looked at how I spelt donor! Not very good for an English teacher!

Caz - not long after Malachy died I went into Boots, in the distance I could see the baby clothes some of which I had bought . I remember feeling sick, on thebrink of tears and needing toleave the shop. Big hugs to you and be kind to yourself x

travellingwilbury · 16/09/2010 11:43

Welcome MrsLaura , I am so sorry to hear about your boy , I will take a deep breath and try and read your blog.

Caz If you have felt on the evrge of tears since yesterday which I absolutely understand , you need to let it out . I find that if I try and keep it together too long like that I end up feeling worse than if I just have a good old sob . I hope you manage to find some space to be able to do that xx

minione Well done on speaking to HR , anything that makes things even just a wee bit easier for you is a bonus.

Shabs your Matt is officially a loon Grin I can't think where he gets it from Confused

shelleylou · 16/09/2010 11:45

Morning ladies.

PPM great news about your DH's transplant. Hope all continues to improve. Thinking of the donors family.

CAZ and Minione glad your employers have gave you help with returning to work.

I dont feel like ive stopped lately ll due to this charity event Its keeping me going i really think I would fall apart if it were not for organising this. We've got so many prizes far more than i imagined would be donated to us. We've got posters up around town and I've even manged to get samples donated for goody bags!!
I made a very small step yesterday. I gave DB a duvet set which was on his bed when he was killed. I have the same one it was on DH's bed round the same time and i couldnt look at it. He took it off washed it etc so i dint need to. It has sat hidden in a drawer for nearly 11 months. I managed to get it out and wash it last night. Cant help but look at it and think if that idiot hadn't killed my brother he would have got in those exact sheets. His 20 week sentance was more like 10 weeks he's been out for a few weeks now.

shabbapinkfrog · 16/09/2010 12:37

TW Loon LOL - Matty would scream laughing at that - and, yes, you are right he is!!!

deemented · 16/09/2010 16:16

Hi MrsLaura - i'm so sorry that you have to be here, but glad you've found us. I read your blog - thank you for sharing Stanley with us, you write about him beautifully.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 16/09/2010 19:24

apologies this is a quicky as I'm off on my hols.

Wow PPM, just WOW. So glad your dh received a donor kidney. I'll be thinking of you all and the donor family xxx

Welcome mrslaura, I hope you come and join us and chat with us about Stanley xxx

lavandes · 16/09/2010 22:24

hello mrslaura I am so sorry you lost your baby Stanley. I am sure you will find some comfort and understanding here as I have over the last 5 months. No one can understand what you are going through unless they have 'been there'. You can shout and scream here and there will always be someone listening. Look after yourself and remember that you are the important one. xx

mini you have done exactly the right thing. You come first, take it slowly xx

ppm sending love to you and your family, hope your husband is doing well xx

caz I have found that I feel I am doing 'well' then something throws me back, it is just the way this grief is. It is all up and down butr hopefully one day there will be more ups than downs xx

peterpansmum · 16/09/2010 22:36

Thanks everyone for your kind wishes. Been another positive day. Am totally shattered tonight though xx

SassySusan · 16/09/2010 22:54

PPM Glad to hear the boys continue to thrive xx You know where I am if you need me.

Hope everyone else is doing ok xx

CazEM · 16/09/2010 23:18

MrsLaura - I read you blog earlier. I think you are really strong to have written it.

One of my friends visited me this evening, to give us a book she's made us for Belle. Its beautiful and it must've taken her so long to put together. A really thoughtful gesture.

peterpansmum · 17/09/2010 05:39

Yawn!! Morning folks... Struggling to sleep at the moment. Been awake for a couple of hours already.

deemented · 17/09/2010 05:55

I know the feeling PPM - hows you husband doing?

peterpansmum · 17/09/2010 06:02

He's doing really well was walking across the ward a few times yesterday, All signs so far are very positive BUT he had such a traumatic experience 9 yrs ago with the first transplant that he and I only now realise how much that has damaged us. Am trying so hard to keep positive but the worries/memories from the past are keeping me very grounded in realism!!

What's keepin u up at this hour?! Xx

deemented · 17/09/2010 06:25

Oh i didn't realise this was his second tansplant - how awful for you all to have to go though something like this again. I'm glad that eveythings looking good for him - it must be a huge relief even if you can only take it day by day.

I'm awake because i needed to check if my nipple was still attached - the baby has cut his four front teeth and does like to try them out!

shabbapinkfrog · 17/09/2010 06:42

Morning girls xx

Well, my lovely tan is fading quickly and the dark circles around my eyes are re-appearing .

That sounds so trivial Blush

PPM a friend of ours has had two transplants. The first one was a kidney donated by his Mum. He seems to be doing really well this time. Both he and one of his sisters have the same kidney problems. I saw his Mum yesterday and she puts on her brave face but the worry is always in her eyes.

I hope your DH goes from strength to strength xxx

peterpansmum · 17/09/2010 08:04

Must have dozed off again, thankfully. HaHa at Dee, good luck with the little one's new teeth - I hope your little one is a fast learner, i.e. NO BITING!!

The first transplant was easter weekend 2001 and pretty much anything that could have went wrong did go wrong. He was in hosp for nearly 3 months and within six months the kidney was removed. Am trying really hard not to look back.

DH's kidney problems are not genetic (thankfully) but I do know a few familys where each sibling and sometimes a parent has kidney failure often caused by polycystic kidneys - It's tough enough having one family member. Equally we know numerous people who have had very successful transplants.

I just feel like i don't know which way is up at the moment as i have so many emotions whirring around all over the place. But as you've said to me before... one foot in front of the other, one day at a time and keep remembering to breathe!!!!

shabbapinkfrog · 17/09/2010 08:23

Smile thats the way to think PPM. xx

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