In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

[frasersmummy]

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

All my thoughts and love with Lunatic today - sending floaty kisses to Daisy... x x x

Hello all xx

Candle lit for Daisy here in Scotland. Hope you get to see the sea today LF

Lavandes I'm so very, very sorry to hear how Richard died. It has only been 4 months or so for us, and it is still very raw. Coming to terms with how our children died is very difficult to do, espeically when the circumstances are so traumatic. I still find the last day we spent with Catherine very upsetting to think about - and I generally cry now when I tell people - which I tended not to do in the beginning. I'm hoping that over time the horribleness of it will fade, and I pray that will happen for you too.

We were there when they were born, and the idea that they were frightened or alone when they left us is hard to bear. And it is so senseless to think of an accidental death or a stupid random infection, which with a flap of butterlies wings, could have been so different.

But it is shit - you are right - our precious children are gone and we must go on. God help us both - and let us hope we can help each other xx

thanks sassy 4 months is such a short time I don't know about you but I haven't got over the initial shock yet, if a police car drives past our house I feel sick and am thrown back to the day they came to tell us. He died in the early hours of Sunday and he wasn't found until noon. We weren't allowed to see him until the Tuesday. I don't know what difference that would have made, I just wanted to gto straight to him, I wouldn't have touched him if told not to but they said no. It is all so cruel.

It is his son's 10th birthday today, have just phoned him. He is gorgeous and Richard would have been so proud of how he is coping.

How are you and your husband, stupid question but you know what I mean xx

Thinking of you all today LF. I hope at least once you can remember Daisy with a smile.

{{{Lavandes}}} - I'm so sorry to hear about Richard's accident. It must be very hard coming to terms with it. I hope writing about it here is a tiny step towards acceptance.

How are you doing Sassy?

I feel a right divvy about saying I was a tiny bit pg . To clarify, I am pg, but only a few weeks gone.

Hello.
There is a thread in bereavemnt called 'new to this' and I dont know how to link to here. I think the lady could do with finding us.

Have left a link for Kate on that thread...

Has everyone developed some of the bereaved mummy head technophobia? Lunatic will have to start giving lessons!

To do a link you just put in front of the link and at the end. There's instructions to the right of the message box.

Ilike that's wonderful news!

I'm alright - have just been avoiding this thread for a while - somehow it has all felt a bit overwhelming.

Lavandes DH finds sirens difficult too, as he associates them with the blood arriving at the hospital. I don't - I think because I was up holding Catherine's hand as they tried to get her heart started again and was kind of oblivious to the stuff going on around me. It was only 4 months ago - I'm not surprised to still have that trigger.

Lunatic That sounds a very fitting tribute to Daisy xx

At Catherine's b'day, we let some balloons off at the grave. Her little friend wanted to speak to Catherine, and her mum was telling her you just have to say hello - she won't answer you, but she can hear you - but she was too shy. We'd just got to the cemetry gates and she changed her mind - and ran back to talk to her. We were too far away to hear her, but before she came back - she looked up to the sky and waved. When we got back - someone asked did she say goodbye back - and she said yes, she did. Who knows? Maybe she did.

It wasn't the fourth b'day party I'd envisage at all. I really don't like the life I've ended up with much at all. xx

Lavandes - I am sorry, when I popped on to post yesterday I didn't read any above posts as we on our way out.

I think that was such a brave step telling us about Richards accident. x x x

LF - That sounds like a lovely afternoon for Daisy and how beautiful of your DD1. Children seem to have such a refreshing way of dealing with grief. I'm glad you had a less wobbly day.

Sassy - hello again :)

I'm going to church again this morning. Going to try a baptist today.

I'm going to Happy Clappy Church today too - I've never tried a Baptist Church so perhaps we can exchange notes too.
DH and I have split up - but I think it is difficult with the grief, and we have our own ways of coping and find different things comforting, so it is for the best - at least for a while.

Sassy - I am so so sorry to hear about you and DH. I don't know what to say. I just send you lots of love.

I enjoyed the baptist service this morning. It was to a certain extent very much what I was used to from the church where I grew up - but more modern. My brother and me were made to feel very welcome, and everyone was very nice. I think I will try it again next Sunday.

sassy I am so sorry you and your husband have split up. I hope you will be able to work it out in time. Maybe some time apart will help, grief is so overwhelming it takes over everything. Because we deal with things differently it is like we are living in different worlds. My husband knows nothing about mumsnet, he would think I had gone completely mad talking on here so I haven't told him. It helps me, which in the long run will help him.

I have started to read 'Beyond Tears' my husband said 'why do you want to read that crap'. He is just practical, he has always been the same.

Take care xx

Lavendes - I read through your post with a heavy heart and also glad that you told us 'your story' thinking about you today xxx

Sassy - Im sorry to hear about your split with your husband - my DH and myself grieved totally differently but somehow I think we are making it 'through' this crap xx

Almost time to come home -I think that someone turned the clocks forward!!

Ok... I'm am laughing out loud

I apologise for my hasty drafting... I was on the way out the door to Church. I meant DH and I had split up this morning and were doing different churches. I like happy clappy - he likes incense and the book of common prayer...

We haven't split up as a couple

How are you getting on with "Beyond Tears" Lavandes - I thought it was rather good - DH would never read something like that either. xx

Ha! Sassy - tbh I was very surprised by the post earlier! I'm very pleased to hear its only splitting up for church!!

Sorry I havent been around much recently

I seem to have less time now Ross is at school. He wants to do soo much eg karate, anchor boys, football. Coupled with school, homework and learning to ride his bike I am exhausted

I am still thinking of you all and I am glad you are keeping Frasers thread going

sending you all hugs

sassy I am laughing now.

The book is good. I can relate to a lot I have read so far.

shabs hope you are enjoying your holiday xx

Glad you are finding it helpful Lavandes. I thought the worse chapters were the ones on siblings and fathers. They feel like they've been added hastily on the instruction of the publisher. Caught DH reading the Dad's section, which he duly said was crap - and I had to agree...

Am off to a new Spirtualist Church tonight to see if it is any better than the other one. Not sure it could be worse tbh.

Don't think I said on here, that I started back at work last week - so that will be something to do. Then on Tuesday night I'm going to a TCF meeting miles away - they don't have any in Edinburgh woudl you believe - so I'm quite looking forward to that... not sure if that is the right phrase - but you know what I mean!

Bloody hell Sassy - I'm here weeping onto my keyboard over a semantic misunderstanding!

Phew.

Sorry Sassy - but I just came down into the bar, turned onto the laptop and did a massive 'old man' guffaw when I read your post LOL,ROFL - glad to hear you and your DH are 'back together' LOL xx

Flippin eck Sassy! I had just come on to see how you were after reading your post earlier. I was ready with a hug and everything!

sassy sorry but I am a very thick Cornish person, used to be very good with words but am not at the moment, (apologies to other thick people, but I am not politically correct either and don't care, there are no meetings for anything here) but what is TCF meeting.?!
Hope work has been OK for you, for me it is a lifeline, mainly the routine and the company. I nearly retired last year, so glad I didn't, I have cut my hours a bit but I will not retire until I am sure I am ready. I don't know what your work circumstances are but hang on in there until you are ready to give up. I think it is very difficult for employers to 'get rid of you' when you have circumstances such as ours. I work for the local Council, my boss is very understanding.

I have felt such a release to tell you all what happened to Richard it feels like a weight has been lifted off me. Thank you all for your kind comments xx

Hi ladies, hope you are all ok, just saying a quick hello. I start back at work on Tuesday, 2 teacher days then students back on Thursday. Am dreading it tbh but you never know it might be ok. I just keep thinking that I should be on maternity leave, I shouldn't be going to work
Silly really, this is the reality.

minione Good luck for Tuesday. Go but if you find it too hard then go home. I found work to be a lifeline but we are all different. Don't push yourself, remember YOU are the only important one in this, work is not the only issue. take care xx