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Bereavement

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Original poster

In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

980 replies

frasersmummy · 28/07/2010 18:52

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

OP posts:
CazEM · 26/08/2010 22:37

A fairly good day here - best I've been in over a week.

Even going next door didn't put me into a complete meltdown. When I left I had a little cry, but I think I sorta ditached myself from the situation before I went in. The baby, remarkably only made a tiny peep the whole time I was there - it was easy to forget she was there tbh! Maybe thats why I didn't have a meltdown, she wasn't attended to once the hour or so I was there. So I saw no Mummy fussing...

Have spent the rest of the day baking my first cake with my Mum. Made an engagement cake for my friends for Saturday night. (We're going out for a meal). V proud of it - looks like it could've been shop bought even if I do say so myself! Haha!

LF - putting my arms around you... x x x

travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 07:12

Morning all xx

Minione · 27/08/2010 12:48

Caz - I'm happy that yesterday went well, you did brilliantly and I'm glad that you've had a good day. I was just thinking about making a cake then I read your post - though yours sounds a bit fancier than the banana loaf I was thinking of making !

Hope everyone is okay xxx

tabouleh · 27/08/2010 17:13

This other thread is getting overheated in many ways so I thought I would come and apologise here.

shabbapinkfrog · 27/08/2010 17:31

Hiya girls.

Just sending my love and thoughts to all of you xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/08/2010 19:31

Sorry I haven't been here much at the moment. I'm in the VERY early stages of pregnancy and I'm knackered so I've been napping rather than MN'ing.

Where is sassy? She hasn't been on here for a while, which isn't like her.

caz - you're defo right about acknowledging and letting out the grief instead of trying to ignore it. It HAS to come out at one point, ignoring it means it bubbles under the surface. I remember it took me a while to realise it.

LF - is is Daisy's remember day tomorrow?
Sorry, I'm trying to find our special list and I can't find it at the mo.

travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 19:45

Hurrah Hurrah ! That is the best news I have heard in aaaaaages Grin

How you feeling ? Apart from knackered ?

travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 19:46

And you are right it is Daisys remember day tomorrow (page 2)
A candle will be lit here in Sussex for you LF . How you doing ?

Minione · 27/08/2010 19:52

Congratulations! I'm sooooooo happy for you!

I was wondering about Sassy, particularly having been upset on another thread. Hope she is ok.

I think it is Daisy's remember day tomorrow. Thinking of you LF and will light a candle for your precious Daisy.

LunaticFringe · 27/08/2010 20:03

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travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 20:08

LF , I am with you xx That first step into the next yr is hard but I know for all of us the day itself is never as hard as the build up xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/08/2010 20:40

{{{LF}}} - ime the build up to memorable dates is just awful. The emotions build up and up and then finally on the day they are released and you actually feel relief. We'll be here xxx

Thanks for the congrats. I'm still hardly pg at the moment so it's all a bit hush hush - which is silly really as this is one of the places I would come and chat if things went wrong.

I feel ok really. The tiredness is horrible and I've felt sick every now and then, but not too much thankfully. However with both boys I had horrible morning sickness which makes we worry that this pg is going to go the way of the pear. But then I remember to try and stay positive ........... Gawd, there's always something to fret about isn't there?

travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 20:42

I remember that feeling Ilike , If I felt really rough I was grumpy and tired and if I didn't feel sick and tired then I was scared and anxious Hmm My dh had a great time when I was pregnant Grin

LunaticFringe · 27/08/2010 21:01

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travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 21:05

LF , I used to do things like that around times like this , I always figured I felt shit so why not feel really shite ? It wouldn't have mattered what you had done it could never feel enough , I know I feel like I didn't do enough but I did what I did at the time and that is all I could do .

Quite frankly just carrying on is big enough xxx

LunaticFringe · 27/08/2010 21:12

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travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 21:16

I don't think anyone else can get rid of the guilt for you (although they will try) it is something that will lessen in time I promise . Your sensible head will start to take over .

The anniversaries are still rubbish for me , I spend all my time waiting for something to happen and it never does , it is never as bad as the build up but it is generally an anticlimax for me .

deemented · 27/08/2010 21:23

Oh LF, c'mere for a (cwtch). The things we berate ourselves for never stop, do they? They may get further away, but they seem just round the corner at the same time, iykwim? Have een thinking of you and Daisy today, and a candle's bee lit here for her.

Who's upset Sassy?? Why?? Linky please!!!

TBH i'm having a bit of a shit time atm... it's my mums birthday today - she would have been 70. I just feel really down and i miss her. We were never especially close, but she was my mum. And now after her birthday it means the boys birthdays are just around the corner I know the build up is worse then the actual day... but even that... i have to smile and pretend everythings ok as i sing happy birthday to Brennan. I have to keep things happy and normal for him when all i want to do is scream and rage that my baby, my Ciaran isn't here.

deemented · 27/08/2010 21:24

Oh and ILike - Huge Congratulations my lovely!

LunaticFringe · 27/08/2010 21:35

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travellingwilbury · 27/08/2010 21:41

LF I thought you were going to bed ? If you don't get to sleep before 11 you may well be up most of the night . I have got stupid work in the morning but I will be standing with you xxx

LunaticFringe · 27/08/2010 21:52

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shabbapinkfrog · 27/08/2010 22:15

ILike - WOW forgive me if I am having a mental moment and scanning through the messages too quickly - 'a little bit pregnant?' I am so happy for you.

Well we only have a few days left of this beautiful hot weather and total freedom, lazy days and being with our Greek family. Gareth and Matty have not given me signs this year and, I hope this doesn't sound awful, I havent thought about them every day. Maybe this is progress????? Im not sure if I like this progress - but I haven't been sad for the last 9 days, I have been peaceful, calm and just myself.

I will never, ever forget my boys but I feel this years holiday has brought me a new calm, a new me......they haven't filled my every waking moment. I also know that I dont have to ask their forgiveness I know they are happy for me. xxx

CazEM · 27/08/2010 22:23

Ilike - congratulations! What lovely news - lots of baby dust in here at the moment.

lavandes · 27/08/2010 22:45

lf thinking of you and yours, candle will be lit in Cornwall for all of you.

ilike so happy for you, hope you can enjoy, sending love for happy days.

sassy hope you are not too upset, we all know you are a special lady

I have had a very difficult week. I have not been able to write before about Richard's accident, it was so random and sudden. He was walking along the road in his village in the early hours, after a party where he worked, he wandered off the road which was pitch black, no street lights and fell into the river and drowned. The inquest was this week and it was accidental death. I think he was sleepwalking as he had no shoes on. The doctors say that the combination of working long hours that day and having a few drinks would have made him disorientated, the road is right beside the path to the river. It was so horrible this the first time I have been able to write it down. My precious son is gone and I must deal with it. I wonder if my heart will ever mend, but I have my elder son and my grsndchildren and husband to carry on for. RIP Richard we miss you so much xxx