What would you think if you saw a ....

[opinionsplease]

harrassed mum pull down her dd's knickers and smack her bum in the street?

I've changed my name in case I get recognised.

twinset - not judging you at all. Sorry if i caused offense. Am not saying that everyone is perfect all of the time and perhaps this woamn had a similar situation and for that split second lost it. It was the comment 'She pulled down her knickers because the smack would smart more. I've been in situations with my friend and her daughter that would make me flip my lid - who am I to say what her boiling point would be?' And apparantly if a mark is left it is illegal.

I hope that i never 'lose' it with ds and the situation you were in was stressful to the extreme.

Yes my kneejerk reaction to the original thread was how dare she etc. To be honest i dont think i would approach tho with all guns blazing but try and suss out situation first using all the skills i have and try and help. but if i suspected that it was a regular occurance and abuse was happening i would report.

morningpaper - I agree with what you say.

OP - I think that your friend was wrong and lost it - but I dont think that reporting her would actually achieve anything. I think that she needs support. do you feel like you could have a chat with her? or will she be annoyed?
I dont smack ds, but can understand that feeling when you have had enough and can understand the frustration.
TwinSetAndPearls - dont feel embarrased, you are human and see what drove you to that point. life isnt always black and white.

opinionsplease, i realise your concerns are because you actually knew this person, and that is fair enough.

But why do others feel it is fair to judge. Yes smacking is horrible and i have never and will never do it. But you can't judge someone on just one incident and go reporting them for abuse!!!!!!!!!

I have sympathy for the woman as i bet she's feeling guilty as hell now. In fact i bet she was straight afterwards and that will be the first and the last time she ever did it. I'm saying this confidently as opinionsplease says this is out of character for her.

I hope for her own sake she isn't a mumsnetter as i'd be gutted to read some of the comments here.

we are in agreement then Awen!

Harmony again!

isnt opions please Carla or have i totally got it wrong?

Good on you twinset! for posting that under your real name. Nothing to be ashamed at and your post makes an awful lot of sense, with regard to needing support rather than nast judgements made.

Don't agree with smacking although have tapped dd on the hand once when she pushed me too far (was suffering from extreme stress and depression at the time) and went on ADS soon after. Would never smack a bar bum but it's not sexual abuse and no. I wouldn't report it. I would however, speak to my friend in a kindly way and see if she is finding things are getting on top of her.

sorry - nasty

could someone clairfy if i was wrong as reading thread it appeared that opinionsplease and carla were same person hence my vehement respnse am tempted to start a why i dont use corporal punishment thread but not sure i want a flaming and dont think it would be particulary helpful as will probably end up a big argument unfortunately.

Not sure, i don't think they are the same person.

fran1 - i wasnt being nasty thank you. Stating an opinion that was different to your own but not being nasty

so why carlas post then? Cos that is what really peeved me about it smarting more!

Lol i didn't mean you nasty, i meant the women that told twinsetandpearls to take her child to social services!!

Calm down - no fights here

Awen, I'm not opinionsplease!!!!!! I just offered one!

perhaps to classify it as sexual abuse was too strong but as i stated if it had been a grown adult that had been 'punished' that way wouldnt that be classed in that light? I mean why pull someones panyts down to smack? Sorry - just cant get my head around. I inderstand that some parents do smack and thinking about my comments i guess that i was a bit kneejerk but i do have strong feelings and should shut up.. but i rarely do

ohh Carla [blsuh] and opps ok..

oh please fran1

meiooowww

lol Fran1 I was trying to work out what you ahd said that was nasty

Thankyou for your support, I really thought I was going to be banished to Mumsnetter coventry.

morningpaper

Thank you, I took DS to Legoland on Friday, for the last three hours, (we have an annual pass)

We had a lovely time, I had brought a back pack, crammed with water and fruit and sunblock.

We did all the rides we could manage, and then as we left, they were rather cynically sellling balloons at the exits.

DS requested

I refused.

Cue.......................and I kid you not, 25 minutes of relentless whining.

I snapped...........

I smacked him on his bum, albeit through his clothes.

Shock and silence............. from both of us.

He fell asleep in the car, rang DH and primed him re the smack.

DH and DS discussed the day, DH said you had a lovely day, were you a really good boy ??

Long silence......................................well No.............I wanted a balloon and I kept asking and asking and Mummy kept saying no, so I just kept saying it.......................she got shouty sad.

She didn't buy one.............

DH Why did you keep asking ??????????

DS wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll I just wanted one

DH But Mummy said No

But I really wanted one and when I wanted a water gun she did buy me one

Message deleted

Are you going to acknowledge the fact that i wasn't calling you nasty? then i can go watch BB

I agree the incident itself hes pure horrid, but looking at it from a stressed mothers point of view i can sympathise, and knowing that someone knows this person doesn't normally do such things gives more reason to feel sympathetic rather than ready to call social services.

if she is a friend then maybe you could just mention it one day and say is there anything u can do to help

phew mrsramsey that was a long post and a rather long day.

LOL

Sorry you acknowledged whilst i was still trying to type