What would you think if you saw a ....

[opinionsplease]

harrassed mum pull down her dd's knickers and smack her bum in the street?

I've changed my name in case I get recognised.

Smacking children. ummm, very out of vogue. can't imagine smacking mine she really is too angelic. But if I had one of those spikey ones I here spoken about on here........ dunno.

my mum did it. I thank her for my speedy running skills. Got me to County level at school and Uni.

I don;t think smackings that bad. certainly not on a par with child abuse.

I would be surprised though as you rarely see it these days. Instead you see unspeakably badly behaved children running circles round their parents who are trying to solve the problem with Raisins and sticker charts. hee hee

I also find loss of control abhorent, but the nature of being out of control is that you have been pushed to an extent that you may behave in a way that you would normally consider abhorent.

I am probably in the middle here while I have made a call for us not to be judgemental I have become somewhat hardened by the job I currently do. I always assumed that when things go wrong in familes the mother should always be supported as they must be in a situation not of their own making that they cannot get out of. I assumed like myself that they wanted help and would do anything they could to improve the situation. It makes me sad to criticise other women but this is not always the case, and as soapbox and awen have said sometimes we do need to stand up and say "NO what you are doing is wrong and it is harming your child"

I was sat on a bus today and behind me was a mother and her son (probably aged 7) he seemed to me to be a perfectly charming intelligent young man. But everytime he opened his mouth his mother told him to shut up or that he was gettin on her nerves or he was thick, it ended in her shouting at him if you don't fuckin stop pestering me I will wallop you. I was dying to turn round and ask why she was being so horrid to her son, but I didn't - and I was close because I didn't know the whole situation. However my dd asked her why she was such a mean lady!!!

I know of many situations when children are in real danger either through neglect or willfull abuse and children are left in that situation because no one wants to say just that.

But in the situation raised in this thread if the mother behaved in a way out of charactar my first instinct would be to provide support and advice in the hope that this would improve the situation without placing more stress on the fanily involved.

No awen, a social worker in twinset and pearls wouldn't last a day around here.

Originally I wanted to go into educational psychology, but I currently work in family support which I love. So may go into child psychotherapy, maybe do some writing. I could see me on the dust sheet, perfect blow dry, lovely new twinset and my trusty pearls!

Awen i agree with your post totally, and tbh if my dp was ever violent he'd be out straight away. And i'd hope he'd do the same to me .

But i think in this scenario i'm giving the mum the benefit of the doubt and trusting she lost it for a minute.

Soapbox, no i am not saying temper tantrums are ok in either child or adult. I am accepting they happen in both. Maybe our life experiences are different. I don't agree with any kind of violence from any party, but am aware of situations where it happens, and appreciate the importance of support rather than judgements as twinsetandpearls so perfectly demonstrated.

I do think we are far too judgemental when i made that comment about society i also had the recent threads in mind about suncream and sunhats etc Obviously its important in real situations of abuse that there are people out ther who make judgements in order to stop things happening - i for one do this on a regular basis in my job - but less serious situations like a smack on the bum from a parent who doesn't have a history of doing so, or a mum who possibly didn't put suncream on her child before they dared step out the house i think it is dangerous to be so judgemental.

Does any of that make sense? or should i go back to my therapy.

I also think the smacking thing may be regional, most parents I know smack their children, they think I am a bit of an oddity.

Dd is a spirited child .... and whenever she is ahving one of her moments people say "she is one of those non smackers..." with a knowing smile.

I was smacked as a child, until very old actually, probably fourteen, with my knickers down and often with a stick. I would count that as abuse, as it used a weapon and was pre meditated. It made me feel violated and abused hence my own personal dislike for smacking. However I was never smacked when a parent lost control over an extreme incident but in a rather cool controlled manner.

God I bet I have offended all the northerners now!

Interestingly I have told my dp and dd father that if I ever saw them smacking dd I would take steps to ensure they never saw her again.

My understanding and not wishing to judge obviusly doesn't extend to men!

Twinset - I have never seen one of my friends smack a child - and yes, I'm in the South.

I wonder if it is also a class thing - sorry for mentioning it!

You will be really good in either of those profession Twinset. You sound like a together mum who consders how she parents iykwim. MY deceased dad was bought up in the hebrides and he actually used a belt on sisters.. lots more went on but ho hum not dwelling on that.

It may be a regional thing i dont know. I grew up way down south and I see parents smacking kids and swearing at them telling them to shut up etc etc.. but in all honesty it is often in the more deprived area and could be linked to the levels of stress, support etc in those areas.

My gran told us never let a man smack a child they dont know their own strength

Hmmm - maybe the class thing in retrospect is less about hitting and more about swearing one's head off at a toddler! Very disturbing to witness

God soapbox I would run for cover now!

we all have our own way of dealing with our children.....does it matter how we do this...unless the child is being abused/neglected etc...

what do you mean kgc? Not being confrontational but could you clarify please

You are probably right Awen, I could not imagine and have never seen any of my churchy friends or people who live locally smacking their childrena nd they do have more affluent relaxed lives. Although of course I do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

However the friends I know who do smack are from the more deprived parts of town and are living in more stressfu situations.

kgc - the thing is - some of us might take the view that this kind of behaviour is abuse!

Thankyou Awen, i do put a lot of thought into my parenting as I can honestly say I cannot think of any happy childhood memories that are linked to my parents. It would break my heart if dd said the same about me when she becomes an adult.

Dd had a very hard first two years for lots of reasons but I ahve worked very hard to make sure she will not be harmed or disdadvantaged in any way by m own problems or mistakes. I am also very lucky to have a fantastic partner who adores both of us.

When dd has her own children I hope she can look back at her own childhood and feel that she can take a lead from the xample I have set her.

twinset. I do understand (i think). I put lots into my parenting - ds had a tough time for a while, long story but all good and we are together now. I reflect alot on my parenting as hold same view as you for when ds is an adult himself. dont often do this but ((hugs) ) - i am in need of sleep soon tho

Twinset: hitting a 14 year old with a stick is not 'smacking', it's 'beating', and definately abuse
You sound as if you are a great parent.

thankyou for your kind words.

I am now going to crawl into bed with my textbooks!

nite twinset - if you want to add me to hotmail [email protected] - good luck with essay. nite all

poo that was wrong

[email protected]

still wrong. not showing properly

thanks, I may CAT you when I get this blinkin essay done! night xx

Awen and all.....thank you for your posts and I respect the way you feel...but we all have our own way of dealing with our children.....and not that I would necessarily do this but, maybe this mother felt she had no choice and was having a bad day.....