The Funny Things toddlers do - a top ten!

[SantaLucia]

For a bit of light relief on a cold day. Please enter here the stupidest/funniest/craziest thing your dc has ever done.

Its ok to include accidents that shouldn't have been funny but were.

My SiL found her neighbour's missing cat (very dead) underneath her decking so went round to gently break the news, taking my 3yo niece with her.

SiL: I'm really really sorry but I think we've just found your cat.

Neighbour: Oh no

My niece: Yeah. And its EYE was HANGING OUT!

When my friends DS (2.6) does something that may be regarded as naughty he says "I am a little rip". He also sings the lesser known Ting Tings song "That's not my KNEE" and points to his knee.

I'm not sure if age 4 qualifies, but I was at the gym this weekend with the kids. We stayed for dinner.

DS: I'm binished
me: You're finished?! Really?
plate still quite full
DS: No. Not finished. Binished.
me: What? What does binished mean?
DS: It's ready for the bin. I'm binished!

So there we have it. Binished: when you are not finished but want it put in the bin.

What a goof!

shopping in Ikea, ds sits on a twirly office chair, puts on a deep voice and says "are you ready for your disappointment?"
Apparently, he was being my doctor.

DH and I picking dd up from nursery asked how her day was she said very good and her teacher had said she was a good girl i asked her how that made her feel "proud as poo" she answered.

It was FIL's birthday today so we called him and DD1 (3yr) yelled 'Happy Birthday grandad' to him.
Then, as DH was mid conversation, yelled, Grandad, you're reeeeeeaaaaally old' (well he is!)

After doing a wee I told her to wash her hands
But mummy, I am a bird, I don't have hands
Wash your wings then
But then I won't be able to fly
NJust wash them.

a few minutes later she collapses on teh floor proclaiming
I can't move, my wings are all wet.

DD 22 months!

When I yawn at 4am when she wants to play 'mummy you tired'!!!

Saying 'oh man' in a very loud voice in Tesco!

Also in Tesco, to everyone 'hello lady' 'bye lady'

Leans forward in House of Fraser and wiggles her bum dancing and everyone is laughing at her!

And the loveliest thing shouts 'I wuv you Mummy' when I go to work ahhh!!!

Now for the most embarrassing

If she can't do something shouts 'FFS'!! (she has heard me in the car, I'm so ashamed)

Singing along with 'Sex Bomb' which I've had on in the car. Was intending to skip over that but was concentrating on the road, so had to sing 'Fizz bomb' loudly over the top. She think's it's 'Step Bomb' for some reason so could be worse

Announcing to my parents over dinner a few weeks ago that "Daddy said bollocks" - a word which she has now developed an almost obsessive fascination with.

Have to admit it's getting slightly less amusing now....

We were swimming yesterday, DS1 has come out of the pool and stripped down he says to the swimming instructor "my mummy doesn't have a twinkie!"

DS1 - At the library for Storytime - after the librarian has finished reading Little Red Hen " mummy did you enjoy that story?"

At the zoo looking at the Giraffe "hello Giraffe it's me DS1"

DS1 & DS2 Everytime we drive by he hospital (which is at least once a day) - "mummy this is DD's hospital can we get another one?"

ds2 is 3.5yo and has a major crush on one of the girls in his nursery group.
DS2: mama, i like m.
me: yes, she is a really nice girl
DS2: she has got really nice eyes, and really nice hair, and really nice trousers.
and when i am big i am going to marry her. and i am going to have lots of babies
me: oh that would be lovely. how many?
DS2: 99
poor girl...

ds has just has his 3rd birthday recently. we were having a cuddle:

ds i love you mummy
me oh ds i love you too son
ds well i love you three mummy cos i am three now!

one of our loveliest cuddles ever!

DD age 2.8

Me: Mummy needs a bit of peace and quiet.

DD: I want a piece of quiet too mummy.

---

DD: I have boobies, my brother has pecs.

---

DD: I love babies, but I love dogs too.

---

DD once met some friends of my Dad's. On leaving their house, compeltely from nowhere she said "Thank you for having me, it was lovely to meet you" and held out her hand to be shaken. We creased onto the floor, whilst she stood looking so solemn.

Oh, just remembered. DD started chanting "wombiliser" one day. Had no clue until DH was with her in a shop. She was sitting on the counter chanting "wombiliser" over and over. The shop assistant leant over and said "I prefer your version". DH realised that she was singing along to Britney Spears "Womaniser" on the shop stereo. It took us weeks to work it out. My car is now called the Wombiliser because of it.

And she's named my Dad's car the KitKat mobile. (KitKat is her nick name). Although DHs car doesn't seem to need a name, its just Daddy's car!

DD1 was 2.3yo when DD2 was born. Was also at the stage of being very attached to me - and developed a desire of wanting to wear maternity pads 'like mummy'!

DD1 (aged 2.6yo) playing dancing game at may party in local village. has to stand on small folded piece of newspaper.
Old lady: That looks hard.
DD1: yes, it is getting difficult but I will manage.

Was down at the stables with DD1 (now 2.9yo) who had just had a 'ride' on my sister's horse. sister put the horse back in his stable but DD1 so fascinated, sister explaining stable to her when horse decides to leave the stable.
DD1: You should have shut the door, Aunty T.

Oh and if I ever say that I don't want to play/go to the park/do whatever she wants, i get: Be brave mummy. Come on, be brave and you will manage to do it.

Oh and she holds lengthy conversations with collecting boxes - those big bears etc that are outside shops to put change in. Last week she chatted for ages to the elephant outside the NSPCC shop - old dears on the bench opposite loved her, especially when she gave him a kiss a hug to say goodbye!

Last week my 2 yr old DD came to me in the front room with wet hands - I asked what she'd been doing in the back room to which she replied....

"washing up mummy"

I then said "washing up with what?" knowing there is no water in the back room (can you tell where this is going)

On inspection she had peed in one of her plastic pans for her plastic kitchen, had managed to place it full onto her plastic hob, without spilling it and was washing her plastic food in it!!!

One word - miltoooooooon

not teco-tesco

DD on seeing anything with Michael Jackson on it "ooh that's Michael Jackson - He's dead, He used to dance on tables"

This week DS (2.5yr) has taken to saying "Good boy Mummy!!!" if I do something he likes. I love it so much I just can't correct him!

DS (2.6) regularly asks DH not to go to work so he can stay at home to play instead. When DH leaves, he waves manically and blows kisses from the window then turns to me and says solemly "S'OK, Daddy be back dinner time"

If dinner is tasty, he turns to me and says "Mummy, it's Belicious" Makes all the cooking worth it

As we were leaving dancing class, I asked DD (2.5yo) where we should go next. She loudly said "we're just going to the shops". We exited the room, and she said to me "mummy...we're not going to the shops, we're going to the PUB!" and ran over to the community centre cafe bar!

DD stuck sanitary towels to her feet and announced "look at my ice skates" She was 3 at the time.

me and my dds were at a park during the summer hols so it was quite full when my dd1 (6 yrs) says at top of voice are you wearing knickers today mummy i said yes of course i am and she said no proper knickers not the ones that go up your bum everyone had turned round and looked at me i was very very

another time we were on the bus when a man gets on and sits infront of us and she says in her loud voice so everone can hear eer mummy he smells really bad of wee

lol @ annoyingdevil