The Funny Things toddlers do - a top ten!

[SantaLucia]

For a bit of light relief on a cold day. Please enter here the stupidest/funniest/craziest thing your dc has ever done.

Its ok to include accidents that shouldn't have been funny but were.

[Sunshine78]

have had to read this thread at work with hand over mount so cant be seen to be lol!

Went to a friends yesterday. Thought my dd was being quiet when went to investigate she had found a new packet of custard creams split them in half and eatten to cream from all of them!

DS was digging for worms and putting them in a bucket was being v cute saying this is the mummy this is the daddy, when he got to the grandma he announced it was the grandma because it had all these funny lines on its face.

Whilst looking after a friends child (aged 3) she commented that my top was to low cut then whilst haiving a cuddle declared me bossoms to be cold!

[wasabipeanut]

This thread is just too cute.

My ds is 15mo and has developed his "Frankie Howard" face. Imagine really pursed lips and someone saying "Oooooohhhhh."

Always does it when on the way to "investigate" something. Makes me and DH crack up every time.

[natashap]

My dd's are older now but I wrote all of their funny bits down and now they love to read them.
My favourite
DD-Mummy we have a dinner lady called God at nursery
Me-No it can't be, she must have a name that sounds a bit like it
DD-YES, her name is God!
Me-no darling, her name is probably not God.
DD- It is, because when she brings the food we say 'thank you god for the lunch'
cute!

[qumps]

taught my 18 mo ds that not all men are daddy and that some men are just man.
so now when we go to tescos he says bye bye man see you soon love you to everyone just as he does when daddy leaves for work in the morning.
has also slapped my mum around the face when she asked for one too many kisses

[TheShipsCat]

dd1(2.9) when asked to put her cup away while she was playing
"I've only got one pair of hands, young lady!'

And, looking at DH's grandad's clock: 'Mummy! Look at Daddy's cock!'

[mummyofboys]

When my ds was 3 and at nursery, they learnt about the Nativity. That afternoon he asked me "Mummy, am I the son of God?". I was gobsmacked - how could he be so profound and mature?!

"Why do you ask?" I replied. "Well, my teacher told us Jesus was a very special baby and you always say I am a special baby, so it must be me".

Oh, of course ....... [ffrin]

[PandasMummy]

DS2(3y) version of Away in a Manger includes the line "the kettle is boiling " instead of "The cattle are lowing" but my all time favourite of his is "Go tell it on the Mountain that Jesus Christ is Bored"

[mankymummy]

my ploy to avoid the constant why, why, why about everything in the world backfired the other day...

me: DS WHY did you do that, its naughty.
DS: why do you think mummy?

[OMaLittle]

As I was reading this thread doing something important DD1 (2.8) was entertaining herself. Turned round and she was 'reading' her red book to her little sister.

"First, [DD2] was born, and then she got big. No, you must never eat this special book." (DD2 is 8 months and eats everything)

Now (this is live commentary)

"This is [DD2]'s book. It says 'I love my dear, and I really do'. This is a book about me before I was born and then I was born."

Bless her.

[TheProvincialLady]

DS 2.4 has recently moved on from calling the cat "the tat" and has graduated onto caling her "the tac". Recently he came charging through to see me, full of righteous indignation, to tell me that "tac got to say sorry, tac was nooooorty." When pushed, he admitted that they had been 'fighting' (ie he had cheesed her off to the extent that she swiped at him (claws in don't worry). So we went through to the sitting room and he apologised to the cat, but we then had to sit for a long time until the cat apologised to him....

He has taken to describing any poos he does on the potty. "Look mummy, it's just like sausage/pizza/butter" (Maybe I should be astonished he is making the whole food/poo connection so young!)

[glaskhamhasoneintheoven]

DD (2.8yo) has a monkey teddy that goes everywhere with her, on the bus last week she anounced 'mummy, monkey is shitting on my knee' i loudly said, 'oh he loves SITTING on your knee darling' to make sure everyone knew what she'd meant!!

[glaskhamhasoneintheoven]

I've just said to DC's 'right time to tidy this living room before bath and bed' DS (3.11yo) replied 'calm down mummy.... otherwise the baby wont want to come out'.... I'm not due till april!!

[OMaLittle]

Oh god, DD2 just announced she needed a poo and started gathering up her soldiers (as in toast).

"No, darling, you leave your food here and wash your hands after your poo, then when you come back you can eat it."

She looked at me with all the melancholy wisdom of an ex-optimist.

"But Mummy, I don't want you to eat it."

[GuiltyMummy]

My little lady opens up the letterbox flap from the hallway to shout thank you to the postman after he's delivered our mail

[sweetcat]

After watching strictly come dancing last week, DS, 3, grabbed DH and said come on daddy, we dance, Me be the man, you be the lady!

He also got told off in nursery this week for calling someone a cheeky git

[ang22]

Told a shop assistant that her baby brother has a little tail but daddy has a big tail (sure you can guess what the tail is!!!)

I told her off the other day and said to her "ihave had enough of your behaviour" in which she replied " Ihave had enough of
YOU!!!!!"

She was running round her playroom today tidying up and kept sighing when i asked her what was up she replied " there is soo much to do and not enough time!!!"

She is two and half.

[CrackopentheBaileys]

I have a great photo of ds when he was two playing hide and seek. I had a little round table in the hallway with a tablecloth and he had just put his head under out of sight, which left the rest of him splayed across the floor .....took me ages to find him

[lollystar]

What a brilliant thread - it's made me cry with laughter

My DD was being very quiet, when I eventually found her, she had swiped my make up bag and was sat in front of the mirror. Eye shadow, mascara, lip stick - the lot - all over her face and arms in a very clown-esque way!!
She also tells me that she has "so much to do" and when asked to tidy her room, walks off after tutting and rolling her eyes at me!

[tb]

When our 11 yr old daughter was being potty trained some 8-9yrs ago, to make it more fun we used to ask her what she'd done in her potty. After one multi-coloured poo, we had 'tiger poo' - it was stripy, and then another was 'elephant poo' - a rather large production!

However, the best one was when about 2,6 she got out of bed one morning, went into the bathroom, pulled down her pullups, used the potty. Then copying me she emptied it down the loo and flushed it - or so we thought. Then came this call for help - "Daddy". The poo being rather soft had stuck to the bottom of the potty, had not fallen in to the loo, but was covering the pale grey washbasin - at 6am on a Saturday morning!!

I still tell her she was a star for calling for Daddy and not for me!!

[Loosemo]

My dd (3.5) chose the busy toilets in Marks & Sparks as the place to ask loudly "Mummy, why do you have a hairy bottom?" Had to then walk out of the toilets and past the queue of sniggering old ladies waiting BLESS

[Loosemo]

When my ds was born my dd (22 months) proudly introduced him: "This is Angus, he's my baby bugger!"

[hobnob57]

My dd, on her 2nd birthday was yabbering away as usual at breakfast.
...'mummy I've got chocolate stars! Look, a big spoon. I like chocolate stars. Daddy, what are you doing?' etc...

We were only half-listening, until she came out with 'mummy I lost a tissue'. Oh, I said, desperately trying to remember the last time I wiped her nose and what we may have done with the tissue. I drew a blank.

'It had big bogies in it!'
We had no idea she knew these words at all... cue interrogation of childminder!

[JimJammum]

ds 23.5 mo called my b-i-l Uncle Snowman instead of Simon, which is both funny and festive. Current trick is doing puzzles and then showing you his work with a chorus of "Well Done" and a smug look. Clearly repeating what he has just heard....also (as posted elsewhere) he is asking everything and anything "Hello xxxx. Doin'?" Makes me cry with supressed laughter.

[MummyAnnabella]

MY DS (16 MONTHS) has taken to tolerating visitors for about an hour and then clearly bored with them he points to the front door and says "door".

when they still dont take hint he takes them by hand to the door.

the really stubborn visitor then gets a wave and a bye bye!!!!!

just need to teach him now which ones to do it on and which ones to leave alone!!

[madrose]

if Dh and I have a sneaky snack in the evening, when she's gone to bed, and leave the remains --- dd get up and lecture us. 'who ate all this .... was it you mummy' in a disgusted tone of voice.

She likes to play nurserys, and pretend to pick up her baby, we have to be the teachers, she'll ask what did the baby eat, and as we tell her - she nods her head going umm, that's good, that's nice.

If a man has long hair - loudly - but mummy he's not a girl.

If she saw a large person, 'look mummy at the fat tummy' loudly. We've explained it's not kind to say things like this, so now she announces loudly in front of said person 'mummy it's not kind to laugh at fat tummys'