The Funny Things toddlers do - a top ten!

[SantaLucia]

For a bit of light relief on a cold day. Please enter here the stupidest/funniest/craziest thing your dc has ever done.

Its ok to include accidents that shouldn't have been funny but were.

[badcoverversion]

A couple of weeks ago we were in Morrissons and some middle-aged lady managed to topple an entire tower of Wolf Blass red all over herself! Naturally myself and my OH went to get a butchers at the carnage...and as we're having a good old goggle at poor vino-covered lady (smelling suitably christmassy)...my 2.9yo DS sat in the shopping trolley, taps a big strapping bloke stood next to us and says "Excuse me big Mister...what the hecks just happened?" The guy cracked up laughing.

He was also 'sofa surfing' the other day...I asked him to be careful and he responded "don't worry my sweetheart...great care I will take" like some 18th century Yoda.

We also had the "oh Mummy you're such a clever girl" head pat rigmarole when I was wrapping our Christmas presents yesterday. He was even standing over me whilst I was biting the sellotape and applauding and saying "oh very good, you're so good at this Mummy, well done!"

[Rowgtfc72]

dd,3.9,Favourite food is bollockanasie.
Waking up from a bad dream-"my foot is eating my tummy.Make it stop" When asked to take her feet off the settee "my foot is not your friend anymore" Sat in the loos in Tesco" mummy,that lady next door is having a big poo.Can you hear it" we left pretty quickly!

[purplepidjbauble]

Dneph, 3.2, has found his first joke. Everytime his mum rings us, he tells us the pig jumped over the moon!

Apparently, he has now got a toy telephone, which he uses to ring Aunty and Uncle Pidj... BLESS!!!

PS, I'm not a mum, and DNiece and Nephew are technically inlaws. I've only been an aunty for a year

[ProcessYellowC]

This morning, 2.5 y old DS, in his sleep,
"Traction engine CRASH. Traction engine fall over in the grass. Oh noo"

Me, pretty much still asleep,
"oh dear, will a cuddle help save the traction engine"

"yes"

If I invite him to help me, like carrying a shopping bag he'll be very pleased with me;
"ohhh, FANG koo"

[bmalex365]

Is that wagner off of the X FACTOR,LOL. vargner vagner wagner, whats he called louis???? Thats a question from my 14 year old DD

[otchayaniye]

we were all having dinner and I'd put some Wagner on (yes, I'm a ponce) and my 22 month old daughter said: "I don't like this, I wanna put on Bill Withers".

[MummyAbroad]

Great thread, have had to go get a tissue twice to wipe the tears away!

I am TTC number two at the moment, and have got to that stage where I am buying ovulation and pregnancy tests in bulk from Amazon. Last week I found DS (2.6) crouching over a plastic tea cup pretending to wee (with sound effects: "shhhhhh") then he dipped a used test stick in it and held it up high to squint at it!

I think its time I started closing the bathroom door...

[phdlife]

oh, this is good.

my two (3.4 and 16m) are doing loads atm but the only one that springs to my swiss-cheese mind is 16m dd.

In the middle of her 3am bf, she suddenly opens her eyes, pops off, pats me on the shoulder, and says, "mama? hallo! good geel!" Closes her eyes and is asleep like * that.

[MamaLaMoo]

DD 1yr 9mo, cannot pronounce 's' very well, comes out as 'sh' so we have the following gems, "{DD} shit on towel" and "{DD} shitting on chair, mummy shit chair too?".

She is also getting very particular about things being clean, woke up two days ago and announced, "mummy, windows bit dirty" as I pulled open the curtains. Also checks the swing on the nearby playground each time we go and solemnly announces "no bird poo" before she will get on.

Husband has unhelpfully referred to a particularly odd looking fisher price little person with glasses and curly hair as "the unabomber" ... Oobomber now lives in plastic house with Baby, Mummy and Daddy and a little Winnie the Pooh called Poo Bum.

[dexifehatz]

lastyearsmodel - LOL :D

[asbolutelyfabulous]

Years ago, when my little sister was maybe 6 or 7 (not a toddler, I know) made my mum a book of vouchers for her birthday - 25% off the usual price of 50p for doing the dishes, valid Mon-Fri, 50% off cleaning her room, will put her laundry in the laundry basket once, FREE, and other similar vouchers. Genius.

[pigleychez]

Few months ago we took DD (2yrs) to a friends wedding. As the bride walks down the isle she shouts "Zoe's pretty dress" which was cute and raised a few smiles, but after she said her vows, DD says "Good girl". It was hilarious and had everyone chuckling

[Dysgu]

It is always lovely when this thread reappears.

DD2 (who is now old enough at 19 months to do stuff worth listing) is a real little organiser. She especially loves to help her big sister (now 3.11 years) - to such a degree that I found them in the bathroom the other day, DD2 was wiping DD1's bottom after she had been on the toilet!

DD2 (being brown eyed and blonde curls) gets LOTS of attention from 'old dears' whenever we are out. They come close, hoping for a smile and she shares her favourite new word: Bye Bye! Of course, they just think that makes her even cuter (cos they never have to put her to bed at night...)

[blue22]

Please keep these coming - I'm crying with laughter. My DD is only 11 months old so can't contribute yet - but getting excited about all this stuff already!

[mumoffourgirls]

Mummy has a big hairy bum.... While in public toilets

[Taymeeyah]

My 16 month old likes to imitate sleeping ...ALL the time so at a random moment she'll suddenly put her finger to her lips in a 'sshh' action, stare at me intently until I adhere to her command and then promptly put her head on the floor, fold her little arms under her chest, push her bum high up in the air and pretend to snore really ,really loudly....

[NoMoreChocBiscuits]

I bought DS (28months) 'Don't lose Piggly, Wibbley Pig' (love those books!)a few month back and that night read it to him. Next day I read it to him again and when I got to the bit where Wibbley ties Piggly onto the ballon string he started shouting No No, Dow Dow!! He'd never said the word down before then (he's a bit slow with his vocabulary). He still gets upset everytime we read that book!

He also has a book about a train and at the end when all the passengers get off, he tells them No No, because he wants the train to go again.

[JemAndEllie]

my DD 26 months love to play boo-boo as she calls it and always pulls daddt to play she always hides in the same place with her eye shut and as DH pretends he cant find her she stands up a says here daddy!! so funny

and today we walked into town and a lady stopped me and told me DD was so beautiful cue DD's huge smile flick of the hair and an actual twirl. Vain much!!

[shash1982]

Lol!
Was on a 4-5hr car journey at the w.end & thought my girly's (22mths) pillow was a great size for ME as she never wants to use it.
In the car she wanted ot nxt to her carseat so I waited to she was asleep before I could nab it so I could get comfy in the passenger seat.
Reached my hand back to get it & she sat bolt up right scouwled at me, put a protective hand on the pillow & said "mine"!
It was one of the funniest things!

[MummyMunchkin]

I'm sure there was something else I was supposed to be doing now...but this is far too much fun...

DS1 at about 2.5 used to put his arms up wanting to be picked up and say "Can I carry you Mummy?"

His favourite rhyme was Baa Baa Black Sheep, with the second verse..."One to mend a jumper, one to mend a frog..."

DS2 18 mths looking very pleased with himself for tidying up the food he's just dropped on the table by licking it - well he wouldn't want to put down the fork or the cup, it might waste valuable eating time!

[Jemnot]

"18 month old ds threw a ball hard into my face. It hurt and dh and I both shouted 'No, say sorry'.

Ds promptly went over to the ball stroked it and apologised!"

This one made me howl! Brilliant!

This time last year I was trying to make sure that my son didn't develop a fear of spiders. I'm not particularly scared of them myself as long as they don't creep up on me. If one drops onto my face from the ceiling or if I turn my head and it's 3 inches away from my face then I'll squeal in terror but if I see it on the other side of the room then I'm ok to put it in a glass and slide some paper under the glass and just put it outside. I just don't like the 'surprise' element.

Anyway, I'd just freaked out because a huge garden spider had jumped onto my hand while I was planting carrot seeds in the garden with my (then 2 year old) son. So I thought I'd better try and show him that spiders are not scary. So I took him to our front door and showed him the spider web above it and pointed out the spider on the web and did lots of 'oooh ahhh, look at the lovely spider! isn't he clever? he's building a web' and I was telling him about how great spiders were but it seemed to work a bit TOO well because he's now completely obsessed with spiders.

He wanted a remote control spider for Christmas that year, and it's about the size of a large dinner plate and he uses the remote control to make it run all over the house (it looks SO realistic but it's the size of a cat!)and he's crazy about spiders. He has hundreds of toy spiders now and he won't stop talking about them. His favourite one is one he made at nursery school out of pipe cleaners and wool and he calls it Mr.Skinny legs.

One time, his toy car (his other obsession is cars) rolled under the table and when it bounced off the wall and rolled out again there was a spider sitting on top of it!

There are no words to desribe his reaction to that although Joy, Hysteria and Excitement spring to mind! lol

[leamac]

sitting downstairs with toddler in bed, suddenly I hear her sreaming " I no wonna be a bear mummy" I run up stair to find her head first in the basket we keep all her soft toys in.

[Jemnot]

bump

These are hilarious! I love them!

My DS didn't say 'thank you' once when I gave him a lollipop so I prompted him by saying loudly 'thank you!' and he ignored me.

After I said it a couple more times he took the lolly out of his mouth and said 'you're welcome!'

[girnythecat]

I really must stop whining about nursery fees when DS is around..........

Woman in shop "what age are you"
DS " I am four and when I am five I will go to school and Mummy can have a new kitchen"