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Original poster

The Funny Things toddlers do - a top ten!

216 replies

SantaLucia · 09/12/2008 08:41

For a bit of light relief on a cold day. Please enter here the stupidest/funniest/craziest thing your dc has ever done.

Its ok to include accidents that shouldn't have been funny but were.

OP posts:
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secretgarden · 11/12/2008 22:08

i woke up one morning to find ds in our room rubbing pritt on himself. apparantly he wanted to stick to the wall like spiderman to scare us. unfortunately he also had a lisp( now sorted ) and used to pronounce 'fork' without an 'r'. nothing like a 2 year old in a restaurant full of people yelling fok fok fok

sandra79 · 11/12/2008 22:18

lol lol lol , great thread
we were in church on sunday at a christening, just as a hymn had ended & all was quiet my dd 2.10 said in a loud voice - Whats that smell?!!
In a cafe a few weeks ago i explained to daughter we were goin to the big shops ( shopping centre) and she might see santa, again in a loud voice said - santas a man, he's got a willy!!

Pantofino · 11/12/2008 22:38

My dd did a fantastic drawing of mum and dad at school - but unfortunately we were both naked and she'd got all the salient finer details correct. In fact dh's ears were about right but she had hugely exaggerated the "trouser" area. Me and her teacher were in stitches, and she stuck it above the class room door for all the other mothers to snigger at admire. DH said he would refuse to take her to school ever again....

secretgarden · 11/12/2008 22:52

i was paying for something at the till recently and dd was crying in the buggy. ds lifted up his shirt and said 'you can cry all you want, but there's no milk in these boobies'

Briwish · 11/12/2008 23:20

Well DD.. who is about to turn 2 (after been refused another chocolate yoghurt! " But I am the BOSS" followed by meltdown when DH
and I both laughed hysterically.

Also a couple of weeks back announced food at nursery "Yucky disgusting!" which resulted in a few others following suit. Nothing like a troublemaker/"character" as were told at parents evening.

madamelapin · 11/12/2008 23:33

As I sit in his place on the sofa ds (2) saying "that's not your parking space" (he gets to go on the school run!)

sunnygirl1412 · 12/12/2008 10:06

We've got a lovely photo of ds2 in the garden of our old house during his older brother's birthday party. We'd filled the paddling pool, and ds2 had stripped off completely to go in it, and had then been sidetracked by the left-over icecream on the little table. The picture clearly shows the melted icecream running down his front and dripping off his willy.

I'll be showing that one to his girlfriends, of course....

kittenloren · 12/12/2008 10:08

Love these!

Last night, ds (nearly two) clambered on a chair and announced 'want tea.'

Keen to please as he's a bit teethy and not eating much at the moment, I asked what he would like... he considered for a moment and replied 'erm, tea?'

Lilybeto · 12/12/2008 10:32

My charge aged 5

singing Britney Spears 'Hit me baby one more time' = Don't hit my baby it's a crime.

Her little sister aged 2.5

Granny asked her

'Do you like twinkle twinkle little star?'
She replied. 'No I like Brahms'.
Granny looked shocked - I said don't worry she's not into classical music yet, she's trying to say farms, as in Old Macdonald.

stayingsane · 12/12/2008 11:08

Obviously developing an early persecution complex, DS1 refuses to acknowledge the word "upset" and accuses you of setting him up instead i.e. "you've set me up now mummy". Clearly this just makes me laugh, which will result in him pointing indignantly at the stairs and telling me to go and sit on the naughty step.

stayingsane · 12/12/2008 11:09

Oh - and we also have the poo announcements e.g. "it's worms!", "mafish (massive) sausages" and, even better "wow - a motorbike fart"....Lovely...

sunnygirl1412 · 12/12/2008 11:21

Ds1 once interrogated a man who sat next to us on York station, smoking a pipe.

Ds1: What is that in your mouth, man??
Man: It's a pipe.
Ds1: What are you doing with it, man??
Man: I'm smoking it.
Ds1: Hmm - you are going to die.

That's when we crossed the Diplomatic Corps off the list of his potential careers!!

Divvy · 12/12/2008 11:41

DD 21 months loves "you've been framed"!

She gets ready for all the falls, with her....uh,uh,uh,uh...DOWN, then lots of laughing from her.

Only last night she watched some football on the news, and was doing the same thing....uh,uh,uh...Down!

silentnightplease · 12/12/2008 12:04

My ds (3.5) has taken to starting every conversation with - Mummy, did you realise something?

ie - Mummy, did you realise, I need to ask father christmas for a black laptop so I can play on it. Or Daddy, did you realise I have been at nursery all morning and you haven't asked me what I did!!!!!

Gorionine · 12/12/2008 12:11

DD1 called the police. Bless her, she was just 6mths old. We had just moved to a new house and phone was still on floor near the front door. When 2 police men turned up I thought DH had had an accident. that he had not when I had to explain what had happened.

Amani · 12/12/2008 12:14

my DD1 (3 yrs) loves the sanitary towels isle and the Durex section as all the boxes are brightly coloured. Everytime we go Boot she says to me 'Mummy which colour would you like' very loudly when standing in front of teh relevant shelf

Tobermory · 12/12/2008 12:27

There was a pic of Kerry Katona in a mag. The shot was staged to be 'disaster in the kitchen, ooops ive burned the Xmas pud' with sticky up hair and a smoke smudged face.

My DD (18 months) looked at the picture and went "roar", complete with hand action.

Gorionine · 12/12/2008 12:39

Little joke for "madrose"
This little girl was alway commenting on people appearence. She would go "look mom he has a wart on his nose" or "look this lady is half bald". The mother was getting embarassed and told her daughter:
"listen darling, if you see someone a bit strange,do not shout about it and wait until we are home to tell me!"

A few days after, they were both on the train and the woman in front of them had big front teeth. After 20mn, the little girl still had not said anything and the mum started to relax, and just before they got out of the train the girl blurted out "Look mom, this is the lady we will talk about when we get back home!"

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 12/12/2008 13:09

Excellent thread, love the enormous willy
DD 13mo has just learnt to wave and now waves at everyone we pass, is v.funny watching how people react to strange baby waving at them. She also loves playing peepo by putting my scarf over her head, she has such a short attention span though that she only hides for half a second, she looks so proud of herself though

Luxmum · 12/12/2008 14:23

he he these are lovely.
My DS2 is 13 months, and the neighbours cat has started coming round, demanding to be fed. Every evening he comes back from creche, runs to the cupboards an dyells till it is opened for him. He then selects teh sardines tin, and totters off as fast as he can making 'cha..chaa' noises (cat)and with great solomnity, deposits the unopened tin out the back door.
DS1 is 3, he loves to send us to the naughty corner, and is in the middle of potty training. Cue him to say in a loud voice at any random occasion, 'ow Mummy, my willy is big..'He also likes to comment on what I cook for dinner, why i cook it and where it is worth eating. Though in general everything and anything they do is cute to me..

DownyEmerald · 12/12/2008 14:28

Mine does the poo naming as well - my favourite was "ooh look a snowman!".

At the moment there is a lot of singing of "frere shagger" - dunno what to do about that really, shame it's at the top of her voice in the supermarket.

This morning at a Christmas party she was given a new dolly - dressed for ballet with angel wings. Me - shall we give this dolly a name?, DD - Jesus.

tkband3 · 12/12/2008 14:46

DT1 is fond of making up a little story when she's on the toilet. Last week it was 'Mummy, my wee wee is the music and my poo poo is dancing'. (My 3 DDs are all big fans of Strictly ).

DH was flummoxed when DD1 first asked what 'that' was when she was about 2. 'That's Daddy''s willy', I said. 'Oooh Mummy, Daddy's got a big willy' said DD1 . Fast forward a couple of years and we're in the park with my closest friend and her 4 boys, one of whom needed a wee. I think this must have been the first time DD1 had seen a little boy's willy - she turned to my friend and said 'Johnny's willy is very small, my Daddy's is really big'.

Missytrouble · 12/12/2008 15:32

DD was being a general pain this morning, refusing to get dressed etc.
me, are you going to be a good girl and co operate please?
DD probably not thank you!

She calls the teeth on her hairbands crumbles, napkins are nutkins and milk is clump in her little world

colnelcustard · 12/12/2008 17:11

Quotes from DD1 (age 3)

'Crash, bang, bollocks'

'kissing is my favourite time of day'

when she first saw dp going for a wee she asked him 'whether he had a poo in his pants'.

mankymummy · 12/12/2008 17:14

just remembered one from ages back... DS in the bath with DP.

DS: "DP... whats that?"
DP: "Its my willy DS"
DS: "oh"
then after a thoughtful pause...
DS: "So, if i got a banger and i bashed and bashed and bashed it until it fell off onto the floor.... would that hurt then?"
DP.... swift exit from the bath !