The Funny Things toddlers do - a top ten!

[SantaLucia]

For a bit of light relief on a cold day. Please enter here the stupidest/funniest/craziest thing your dc has ever done.

Its ok to include accidents that shouldn't have been funny but were.

Last night I thought I'd try (2.3) DS's halloween costume on him, but, he decided on Tuesday that 'my not like spiders anymore mummy' so last night he stood with his arms outstretched, in his spider costume and leggings 'shouting 'No being incy wincy spider mummy, my not want to like it!'

He looked so funny cute I couldn't take the costume off!

Its now sat on the sofa just waiting for him to like spiders again, and everytime he walks past it he does this really cute little shiver then says 'Thats my spider mummy!' in a really excited voice, then 'My not want to like it mummy' with a frown straight after!

Its not scaring him, or upsetting him, he's just purely asserting his authority!

I took DD out to show her the moon and it was her first time out in the dark. She looked around in puzzlement and then asked 'who switched the lights off?'

This one no so cute but v.v funny. (Has also curbed my swearing even further). Was putting her feeding chair back together after giving it a wash and dropped one of the arms and she deadpanned 'For fu(k sake mom' . It was too funny and bang on and I just couldnt help myself. We now use 'flip' alot.

DD is almost 2

when My three year old was talking with her grandma,
and granny complained she couldn't hear....... my 3 yr old DD said.....

"I'm not talking to YOU, I am Talking To My POO " !!

In a very very serious, mind yer own business voice. It really stumped granny, which is not easy to do. Cracks me up now thinking of it !
Especially as I wish I had the guts to use the same phrase to her.
(Gran is a very annoying person)

My DS 2.4 threw a tantrum outside M&S the other day so I picked him up and manhandled carried him through the shop whilst he shouted 'HELP, HELP!!' at the top of his voice so everyone turned round to look.

DS1 (around 2.6 at the time) watching my sister drink a bottle of coke then saying in his deepest voice "I vant to drink ze black vater". Last time I checked we didn't live in Transylvania!!

DD2 on Monday night(2.5) trying to get me to pretend to be asleep by beeping my nose and I mean pressing very firmly!. "Mummy go sleep? Beep on da nose. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!" If only it was that easy!!

DS1 (around 3) asked what I would be doing after he went to bed so I told him I was going the have a bath then watch Heroes. The next morning he asked if had a nice bath and if I watched the Higglies. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out he thought I was watching the Higgletown Heroes

DD (2) is sometimes horribly frightened of baths for some reason. One day in bath with her brother she does a poo, after which there is a big fuss and everyone is racing to get out of the water. Next day she is in bath with DS and DH, and hating it and screaming to get out. I'm sitting on sidelines ready to catch her with towel after DH washes her. She starts screaming "DONE POO! DONE POO!". The hysterical thing about it was that she hadn't! She thought that since it worked before to get her out of the tub it would work this time. Brilliant.

DS, when he was 2.5, was getting his trousers on and putting them on the wrong way. DH is getting a bit impatient and shouting at him, "are you lazy or stupid???" (he calls things as he sees them - not always the most constructive of parenting philosophies I know...). DS, without missing a beat, shouts back "I'm lazy!" Even at 2.5 he was smart enough to know it was better to be lazy then stupid. I was so proud of my boy that day.

my dd2 2.6 broke her toy
me why did you you do that
dd2 no ya ya did (nick name for dd2)
me ya ya at school
dd2 no not me
meyes you did
dd2 no my hands did

my darling DS who in 2.9 has recently started using more language rather than pointing and grunting at things (he has speech delay) so everything that comes out of his mouth is a joy..... Right..?

In the post office the nice lady behind the counter was talking to him and he chose this moment to say his first sentence...

Any guesses? Oh yeah it was rude. He said "you are a dick" Cue me with a big red face stammering no no darling we don't have STICKS in the shops, we'll find one in the park later.

Got home and was about to tell DP that DS had said first sentence when DP (on phone to his friend) said "Oh you are dick" and he wonders why i tell him to watch his language.......

18 month old ds threw a ball hard into my face. It hurt and dh and I both shouted 'No, say sorry'.

Ds promptly went over to the ball stroked it and apologised!

oh its so lovely to find this thread again after all this time! I've re-read the whole thing, including my contributions about ds, i'd almost forgotten his toe obsession!

some of these are utterly brilliant. thanks all cheered me up!

getting her words all confused

eg calls umbrellas cinderellas
the arms on chairs are "hold-ons" as i once told her to hold on when she nearly fell off

and the way they just say what they see, a larger lady walked past us the other day and DD1 said at the top of her voice "mummy those are biiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggg jeans"

Oh god, these are so funny. My DS (2) always cracks us up.

ATM he is Thomas mad so Old MacDonald has various engines on his farm rather than animals.

Everytime the phone rings he runs over shouting "I'll get it, I'll get it". If my mobile beeps or I have it in my hands, he looks at it and says "mummy text xx". Too much technology!

I know I have loads of funny ones but I can't bloody remember atm.

I have just re-read this entire thread. I read what I had posted about DD1 last year and thought someone else had a DD like mine - until I noticed I had written the post!

DD1's favourite game right now involves her being 'mummy' and me being 'child'.

DD1: I am going to read you a story, child.
me: are you the mummy?
DD1: yes, child.

Also, if DD2 is upset, DD1 will ruffle the baby's hair whilst saying, "It's ok. It's ok."

And the toilet conversations in public loos are often hilarious. Full commentary - especially now that she likes to go into the cubicle by herself with me standing by the door so I get the full run down of everything she's doing:

me - are you okay in there?
DD1 - yes, I am just pulling my knickers down. They are my peppa pig ones you know.
me - yes, I know - can you manage.
DD1 - this is a big toilet. It's not my size.
me - do you need help.
DD1 - no mummy. I'm a big girl. I'm 3.
me - ok. just ask if you need help.
DD1 - It's a wee and a poo mummy. (To self) come on mr poo - out poo! out poo. (To me) I think my poo is big mummy.
me - ok.
DD1 - I'm pushing it out - listen mummy. It's going to fall in a minute. It's going to make a big splash.
me - ok.
DD1 - did you hear it mummy? I need you to wipe my bum so you can come in now.

Always fun!

I had to laugh at the bathroom commentary.

Anytime we're out in public DD has to join me in the loo, of course and always has to flush, say 'Well done, Mummy" and 'wash your hands'. Lovely.

Then if we're out in a restaurant she will annouce to Every single person we see on the way back to our table 'My mummy has just done a big poo'- Even though I HAVEN'T.

There's no way to possibly tell them that she's lying.

Another one was that recently the plumber was here and we're discussing plumbing things until DD comes over with my pinkest, lacy-est painties and holds them out to the plumber and says 'Man, these are my mummies panties, have them'. May I add that they were from the dirty laundry? UGh!

I never really blushed until I had her.

My 2yr old seeing her daycare carer down the shop:

Miss 2.5: look mum Kath dare!
Me: I know, say hello..
Miss 2.5: Look mum Kath dare.. quick hide dummy!!
Me: Ok ... Say hello
Miss 2.5: look mum Kath Dare
Me: I know Darl.. Say Hello
Miss Kath: Hello Sweeties.. How are you
Miss 2.5: look mum Kath Dare
Me: I know darl
Miss 2.5: look mum Kath Dare
Me:... Ok
Miss 2.5: look mum Kath Dare

This goes until I leave the shop everytime miss 2.5 see's Kath... By the time I am in the car I have tears in my Eyes..
Fineally ......
Miss 2.5: look mum Kath Dare......Kath Cuuuute

I really must stop whining about nursery fees when DS is around..........

Woman in shop "what age are you"
DS " I am four and when I am five I will go to school and Mummy can have a new kitchen"

bump

These are hilarious! I love them!

My DS didn't say 'thank you' once when I gave him a lollipop so I prompted him by saying loudly 'thank you!' and he ignored me.

After I said it a couple more times he took the lolly out of his mouth and said 'you're welcome!'

sitting downstairs with toddler in bed, suddenly I hear her sreaming " I no wonna be a bear mummy" I run up stair to find her head first in the basket we keep all her soft toys in.

"18 month old ds threw a ball hard into my face. It hurt and dh and I both shouted 'No, say sorry'.

Ds promptly went over to the ball stroked it and apologised!"

This one made me howl! Brilliant!

This time last year I was trying to make sure that my son didn't develop a fear of spiders. I'm not particularly scared of them myself as long as they don't creep up on me. If one drops onto my face from the ceiling or if I turn my head and it's 3 inches away from my face then I'll squeal in terror but if I see it on the other side of the room then I'm ok to put it in a glass and slide some paper under the glass and just put it outside. I just don't like the 'surprise' element.

Anyway, I'd just freaked out because a huge garden spider had jumped onto my hand while I was planting carrot seeds in the garden with my (then 2 year old) son. So I thought I'd better try and show him that spiders are not scary. So I took him to our front door and showed him the spider web above it and pointed out the spider on the web and did lots of 'oooh ahhh, look at the lovely spider! isn't he clever? he's building a web' and I was telling him about how great spiders were but it seemed to work a bit TOO well because he's now completely obsessed with spiders.

He wanted a remote control spider for Christmas that year, and it's about the size of a large dinner plate and he uses the remote control to make it run all over the house (it looks SO realistic but it's the size of a cat!)and he's crazy about spiders. He has hundreds of toy spiders now and he won't stop talking about them. His favourite one is one he made at nursery school out of pipe cleaners and wool and he calls it Mr.Skinny legs.

One time, his toy car (his other obsession is cars) rolled under the table and when it bounced off the wall and rolled out again there was a spider sitting on top of it!

There are no words to desribe his reaction to that although Joy, Hysteria and Excitement spring to mind! lol

I'm sure there was something else I was supposed to be doing now...but this is far too much fun...

DS1 at about 2.5 used to put his arms up wanting to be picked up and say "Can I carry you Mummy?"

His favourite rhyme was Baa Baa Black Sheep, with the second verse..."One to mend a jumper, one to mend a frog..."

DS2 18 mths looking very pleased with himself for tidying up the food he's just dropped on the table by licking it - well he wouldn't want to put down the fork or the cup, it might waste valuable eating time!

Lol!
Was on a 4-5hr car journey at the w.end & thought my girly's (22mths) pillow was a great size for ME as she never wants to use it.
In the car she wanted ot nxt to her carseat so I waited to she was asleep before I could nab it so I could get comfy in the passenger seat.
Reached my hand back to get it & she sat bolt up right scouwled at me, put a protective hand on the pillow & said "mine"!
It was one of the funniest things!

my DD 26 months love to play boo-boo as she calls it and always pulls daddt to play she always hides in the same place with her eye shut and as DH pretends he cant find her she stands up a says here daddy!! so funny

and today we walked into town and a lady stopped me and told me DD was so beautiful cue DD's huge smile flick of the hair and an actual twirl. Vain much!!

I bought DS (28months) 'Don't lose Piggly, Wibbley Pig' (love those books!)a few month back and that night read it to him. Next day I read it to him again and when I got to the bit where Wibbley ties Piggly onto the ballon string he started shouting No No, Dow Dow!! He'd never said the word down before then (he's a bit slow with his vocabulary). He still gets upset everytime we read that book!

He also has a book about a train and at the end when all the passengers get off, he tells them No No, because he wants the train to go again.

My 16 month old likes to imitate sleeping ...ALL the time so at a random moment she'll suddenly put her finger to her lips in a 'sshh' action, stare at me intently until I adhere to her command and then promptly put her head on the floor, fold her little arms under her chest, push her bum high up in the air and pretend to snore really ,really loudly....